


Hold You Like I'm Going To Lose You

by KarrineGenesis (MattySeptiplierTale)



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Amnesia, Domestic Violence, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Past Abuse, Physical Abuse, Rape Recovery, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sexual Abuse, Slow Build, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-13
Updated: 2016-09-26
Packaged: 2018-05-06 11:11:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 35
Words: 51,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5414627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MattySeptiplierTale/pseuds/KarrineGenesis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack’s been through shit.</p><p>For about 4 years, he’d been abused by his boyfriend, Ace. It was complete hell, until finally Ace goes too far and lands Jack in the hospital.</p><p>When Mark and Felix decide to go to Ireland to help him, they get caught in the whirlwind of hurt Jack’s been sucked into his whole life.</p><p>After many speed bumps, phoning friends, and amnesia, Jack’s finally perfectly free of Ace.</p><p>Meaning he’s agreed to go with Mark to LA to get help from his friend that definitely wants to be more.<br/>Jack does too, but Mark’s not as ok as he seems.</p><p>After the hectic life he’d spent in Ireland with Jack and their friends, he’s back to falling into a depression he hasn’t been in for half a year.</p><p>Can these two ever be happy?</p><p>Can they ever love each other the way they want to?</p><p>[Warnings for abuse, rape, semi-consensual, self harm, a suicide attempt, and almost graphic descriptions. Might have some consensual sexy times in there too, and if I do, they’ll be between Jack and Mark and will be much more detailed than anything Ace did. *slightly waggles eyebrows* Also fluff. Because they definitely need fucking fluff >:(]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gone Missing

**Author's Note:**

> There won't be much differences between the first few chapters, it'll mostly change at the part Jack got cancer.

"You moron! I told you- I fuckin TOLD you to behave while we were out! Did you listen?" Jack flinched wildly at the sudden loud words piercing his ears. Was- was he fucking joking?! Not that Jack was going to talk back much, he knew Ace had found something wrong with his perfectly fine behavior. Jack stayed silent, he didn’t honestly know what to say. Ace grabbed him by his neck and pushed Jack's face up, choking him. "I asked, did you fuckin listen?!"

"N-n-no-o-o..." Jack whimpered as Ace pushed him into a wall and let go. Jack slid to the floor. 

"Go do your idiotic YouTube thing. Just leave me alone... Pathetic." Ace left him as Jack shuddered on the floor. 

For a few moments, he just stayed on the floor, shaking from barely contained sobs. He forced himself up and headed toward his recording room, finally letting a sob shake his shoulders.

He didn't automatically record, instead he hesitated only a moment before Skyping Mark. Mark answered quickly. " Hey Ja- what's wrong?" He asked in a worried tone, and Jack rubbed his face with the sleeve of his hoodie. 

"Nothing."

"There's obviously something wrong, Jack. Tell me." Mark said firmly, and Jack took a shaky breath but kept his mouth firmly shut. "Jack, please..." Mark pleaded; voice cracking slightly as he finally let his worry show. 

"... It's A-!"

The door behind Jack burst open and he cried out in surprise before giving a sob. "I didn't tell you that you could go on Skype, you worthless bitch, did I?!" Ace growled, and Mark's jaw set angrily, as he was about to pop off on the man. 

"N-no-o, I-I'm s-s-or-ry..."

"Not fuckin good enough." Ace ended the call and Mark jumped up in surprise. 

What-no, what was he supposed to do? He tried Skyping a few times, Jack didn't answer. He tried calling and texting, but all he got was 'The number you have dialed is not in service at this time.'

Mark felt his chest tighten, wiping at warm tears that were starting to cascade down his cheeks. He quickly looked for the closest plane ride to Ireland, but it was 1 and a half weeks away. Mark hurriedly bought one and calmed himself. Jack was going to be ok... Right?

The next day Jack had uploaded no videos. Mark tried hard to not get automatically panicked again. When he didn't upload the next day, worry bubbled up more. Mark's videos were now just ones he had already stored. He hadn't recorded since Jack's Skype.

He was getting worried tweets asking what happened to Jack, and he had to truthfully answer that he didn't know. Felix called him on Skype.

"What happened to Jack?" He asked, and Mark rubbed a hand on his face. 

"I don't know, but I know Ace is..." Mark swallowed. 

"Abusing him?" Felix finished.

Mark stiffened in surprise. A few beats of silence went between them as Mark decided if he should validate Felix’s guess or try and keep him from knowing just in case Jack got angry with him. "… Yeah. How did you know?"

"I could tell Jack wasn't doing well, and I didn't trust Ace when we met." Felix explained, running a hand through his hair. Mark nodded, he hadn't either. 

"I'm going to Ireland in 3 days, my plane leaves then. Would you go as well?" 

Felix nodded. "Of course. Marzia is down doing her own thing, I have some free time. I only live in Brighton, East Sussex. I could have a huge road trip there."

Mark accepted this, exhaling slowly to calm his nerves. "Uh, I'm going to get going, have to get to bed. At least try, anyways." They clicked off the call and Mark changed before jumping into bed.

Mark didn't get much sleep that night, or the next. Worry still gnawed at his stomach in an uncomfortable was as he thought of the Irish man going through abuse. And he was sick with the worry, to the point where he literally felt like he was going to puke.

He had been with Ace for as long as Mark could remember; ever since Jack had started YouTube. Even about 3/4ths of a year before. Mark groaned and went to his computer.

Jack had uploaded a video… from the hospital. Mark immediately clicked it. "I'm sorry for the week without a video I, uh... I was in a car accident, I believe? Sorry, I got a concussion, they say I'll have my full memory back in about 2 days." He didn't fucking look like he'd been in a car crash.

Some if his fans noticed, Mark realized, going through the comments. 

'That doesn't look like car crash wounds'

'Someone beat up Jack!'

'He's going through abuse, isn't he?'

'How do we report it?'

'I bet it's that awful boyfriend of his.' 

'what's mark felix and the others doing about this'

That last comment struck him. What was he supposed to do? Probably make a video saying where he was going, and why. He had to go tomorrow, and he needed them to know that he knew what was happening with Jack. Felix had seen the video too, commenting on the last comment, 'We're already heading to Ireland. Jack'll be alright.' Mark didn't know if he believed that. Wanted it, yes. Believe, not so much.

Hoped, yes. Knew, no.

Mark set up his webcam and messed with his pink floof, before turning on the camera. "Alright, I'm pretty sure everyone has heard about Jack's new video. If you haven't, I'll put it in the description and an annotation."

He took a deep breath. "I saw a comment asking what me, Felix, and the others were going to do about the obvious abuse Jack is suffering from. About a week and a half ago, when Jack went missing, I bought a plane ticket to Ireland for tomorrow." Mark exhaled. "I might not be able to upload any videos for awhile, don't worry about me, ok?"

He ended the video with his usual outro and started editing the video to add Jack's video when he mentioned it and the comment at the bottom of the screen when it was mentioned, before uploading, putting the info in, and putting in the annotation.

He leaned back, looking over at his two cases that were packed. He had packed them a few days ago in advance to make sure that he would be ready for tomorrow. Mark wasn't sure if he was ready mentally. What was he going to see? He knew Jack looked bad, but what if he acted different, or Mark met Ace again. He didn't want that. Oh, he hated Ace ever since that day at PAX East... He hated PAX East that year, if only because he made a promise that caused all this, that could kill Jack. Mark rested his head on the desk in his room and cried. He cursed and went to bed. He wasn't getting much sleep that night, either.


	2. That Happened A Long Time Ago...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this took me a lot longer than I meant but yeah I finally put it up. Sorry, the days have been rough, I've been... a little suicidal and shit lately... but I'm getting better. I hope you like it. Or well, I hope you cry. This shit is sad lol.

Jack zipped his suitcase up tightly, bouncing on his feet excitedly. PAX East was going to be the first time he met Mark in person. “Ready~?” He chirped, swaying a little happily as he asked Ace.

A flat look was suddenly directed toward the Irishman, causing him to stop bouncing, his smile dropping a bit. “You’re so annoying when you’re excited, you know that?”  
Jack felt himself deflate a little, eyes widening. “… I-I’m sorry.” He apologized, swallowing hard.

“Let’s just get this over with.” Ace grumbled, roughly yanking Jack’s arm. He pulled the smaller man toward the door, sick smile coming onto his lips at the grunt and whine Jack made. He tightened his grip on Jack’s arm, feeling himself shiver at the cry Jack made.

That was going to bruise. The thought made Ace nearly moan. Oh fuck. Jack was turning him on. Or at the very least, his pain was turning Ace on. 

Jack took their suitcases and started loading the trunk of the cab, watching as Ace sat inside already.

It was raining, drops pelting against his back as he pulled his jacket tighter around him, quickly rushing into the car.

Ace clicked the umbrella in his hand against his shoe a few times, probably to get the water off it, but also to passively show Jack that Ace had been safe from the rain while Jack hadn’t.

“… Ace, I-!” Jack started as he shut his door, clicking on his seatbelt. He was cut off when Ace suddenly turned on him and pinned his arms to the seat.

A small ball of cold fear suddenly coiled in Jack’s stomach, eyes filling with frightened tears. “A-Ace, I d-don’t want ta r-right n-no-now…” He begged, wanting him OFF. He was shaking, trying desperately to make him stop…

Ace’s hand slowly crawled up Jack’s thigh, making him freeze. Jack realized that this was happening no matter what, and a small whine escaped him as Ace whispered, “Too bad.”

Mark jerked when the alarm clock signaled that he should be awake, squinted fuzzy eyes at the red lights. Oh. OH. It was time to get to the airport.

He had to be there on time, being late meant he could miss PAX. He could miss meeting Jack…

Mark sweeped a hand through his hair and quickly grabbed his glasses, suitcase, and brushed his teeth.

A quick phone call later and he was in a cab to the airport.

The flight didn’t take long, and about 5 hours later, he was setting his things down in his hotel room. Exhaustion and jetlag threatened to take him, but all Mark really wanted at the moment was to meet Jack face to face for the first time.

He left his room and went up to Jack’s door, fidgeting slightly. He wondered if he should be doing this… Mark inhaled sharply, gathering up his courage, and knocked.

The door slowly opened slightly, but not enough for him to see inside. Mark cocked his head lightly, staring into the dark with his deep brown eyes. “…. Jack?” He asked softly, gently prodding to see if Jack would answer. Maybe he accidentally knocked on the wrong door and it WASN’T Jack…?

A sharp inhale came from whoever was in there, a small whine escaping them. “M-Mark?” Jack’s voice was quiet, strained.

Worry settled like a cold rock in Mark’s stomach, coiling tightly and making his hands shake. What was going on? “Are you ok?” He whispered, trying to see into the room. The door shut, startling him. He jumped back a little, standing in front of the now closed door in shock.

The door burst all the way open again, light now on. Jack stood there in a hoodie, fake smile plastered on his face. Except…

Mark stared in horror at the smaller man’s arms, reaching forward to gingerly grab Jack’s arm and trace his fingers over the bruises, welts, and hand marks all over his pale skin.  
Jack’s smile had already fallen, and he quickly yanked his arm back, slamming the door shut again.

“Jack? Jack!” Mark cried urgently, shaking hard. He hated seeing that, he felt the coil of worry in his stomach tighten, then explode, causing his fingers to numb. His chest tightened slightly, breathing going quick. His skin tingled. “Please open the door, Sean!” He pleaded, voice cracking as he called the Irishman’s REAL name.

Jack slowly opened the door, lips set in a frown. His sleeves were covering his arms this time, rolled down to cover up what he had obviously felt ASHAMED about. He looked… blank. His eyes held none of the light Mark was used to seeing, none of the excitement that usually exuded from him… there. He looked DEAD.

“Jack? What- who did this to you?” Mark breathed, trying to quell his own shaking. His breathing was still odd, but he was trying to force himself to calm, taking deep breaths to a beat in his head.

Jack gave a swallow, realizing that Mark’s panicking was because of HIM. He wouldn’t have told Mark but… if it meant… “You can’t tell anyone if ‘a tell ya…”

Mark stiffened. He didn’t want to leave Jack in any situation, if he found out he’d want to stop it but… Mark was having an awful time with his morals right now. He finally mumbled, “Alright.”

“My boyfriend, Ace.” Jack admitted quietly, glancing at the floor in shame.

“Oh Jack… I can’t… That bastard…” Mark finally growled out.

Jack didn’t answer, just loosely crossing his arms.

Mark gave a soft frown, gently cupping the other’s face in his hands. “Jack. It’s not your fault.”

Jack froze, staring into Mark’s eyes, before he glanced away.

Mark slowly let him go. “Where is he?”

“At a bar. He’s getting drunk an’ eatin’ dinner.” Jack answered.

“… Have you eaten?” Mark finally asked, suddenly realizing just how skinny Jack was. Mark knew Jack was small, but he didn’t know he was underweight… or because of THIS.  
Jack gave a slow shake of his head, a grimace taking over his face.

Mark made a split second decision, forgetting his plans to sleep. “Go with me to dinner.”

Jack stared up at Mark in shock. “B-Bu’ what if he comes back an’ I’m not here, ‘r late, ‘r somethin’! What if he gets mad…?” He added the last sentence in a whisper.

Mark placed his hands gently on Jack’s shoulders. “Hey. It’s ok. I’ll keep you safe.”

Jack gave a small bite to his lip, looking around them, then back at Mark. “… Ok.”

Jack let Mark pull him out of the hotel room, turning to lock the door behind him.

“Bob and Wade and some other people are at dinner, do you want to go see them or… just have dinner with me?” Mark asked, weakly adding the last part. He would be ok with either way, but he really wanted to have dinner with JUST Jack.

Jack worried his lip again, thinking as his hands suddenly disappeared into his pockets. “We can do whatever ya want.”

Mark nearly sighed. “But what do YOU want?”

Jack looked back up into Mark’s eyes, before confessing, “Kinda want ta go ta dinner whit the others.”

Mark ignored the small pain in his heart at that, feeling his smile go just a TAD forced. He gave a nod and helped Jack down the hall. “Ok, let’s go.”

Jack had fun at dinner, loving being able to be his usual loud and energetic self. He felt like he was a kid again, happiness finally bubbling up in his heart. He radiated excitement.

Until, of course…

“Shit!” Jack exclaimed, jumping up out of his seat. It was late. REALLY late. 

“What’s wrong?” Mark asked in concern, watching as Jack started to panic.

“I-I’m late!” Jack’s breathing was quick.

Mark’s eyes widened, and he jumped up along with Jack. “I’ll get you to your hotel room.”

“What’s wrong?” Wade asked in confusion.

Mark glanced at Jack’s panicking, before reluctantly saying, “It’s nothing, he’s just late to call his mom.”

Jack relaxed a little.

Mark quickly shouted a goodbye and pulled Jack outside and to the street, hailing a cab.

Jack could barely walk, he was so afraid. Mark had to help him all the way to the door, before he looked between Jack’s room and the exit.

“Do you want to spend the night at my hotel room?” Mark asked softly.

Jack gave a bite to his cheek. “I don’t want ta go in there, bu’ I don’t want ta get harmed…”

Mark held him gently, whispering a promise into his ear; “I can keep you safe.”

“Ye, until the end of PAX East, and then I’m back whit him…” Jack spoke softly.

Mark frowned. He didn’t like this at ALL. “I… I understand.” He finally conceded, letting him go.

Jack swallowed hard and gave a nod to Mark, knocking on the door.

A blonde with bright blue eyes and a plain white t-shirt opened the door. “Goddomnit, Jack, where were ya?! Get inside!” His Australian accent rang sharp. Ace ripped Jack out of Mark’s grasp, causing the half Korean to flinch.

“Who the hell ‘re you?” Ace growled, casting jealous eyes at Mark.

Mark grit his teeth.

“That’s Mark! He’s m’ friend, remember?” Jack quickly interjected, trying desperately to diffuse the situation.

Ace turned and scowled at Jack, causing him to shrink. The blonde turned back to Mark. “I think you should go.” He snarled, slamming the door in Mark’s face.

Mark stepped back, eyes wide. After a few moments, he heard a voice growling. He couldn’t understand it, but he was sure that was Ace’s voice.

Mark gnawed at his lip, before turning and rushing to his room. He was happy he couldn’t hear…

Jack’s cry made him freeze. He curled his hands into fists, before turning sharply and going up to the door. He pounded on it a few times.

A slam came from inside the room, and Ace slowly opened the door, belt missing from his attire and curled into his fist.

Mark glared venomously at the other. “You’re not going to hurt him anymore today.”

“Ye? What ‘re ya gonna do about it?”

Mark immediately punched Ace hard, enough to where the other was knocked out cold.

Jack gave a short scream, standing. He whined a little. “Why… Mark…”

Mark swallowed hard. “… Come stay with me for the rest of PAX, ok? Just… I’m sorry, Jack…”

Jack limped toward the other, staring down at his boyfriend who layed out cold on the floor.

“… Alright. I’m going ta be in BIG trouble after…”

Mark grimaced, realization on his face.

“Just… come with me, I’ll fix up all your wounds.” Mark mumbled, and Jack shrugged loosely, following the other out.

“Sorry…”

“… ye…”


	3. Guilty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oK IT TOOK ME FOREVER BUT I ACTUALLY DID TWO SO??? MAYBE THAT MAKES UP FOR IT???

Mark felt dead on his feet, standing forlorn in the corner of the airport. He was waiting for his plane to board, leaning against the wall. He had decided to stand, knowing he would be sitting for a LONG time on the plane. He gave a harsh rub to his eyes in an attempt to keep himself awake, hoping he didn’t have to pee again before the plane left.

“Are you Markiplier?”

Mark turned swiftly to see a teenaged girl clutching a bag close to her. “Er, yeah, who are you?” He asked quietly as the girl set down her suitcase and outstretched a paper gift bag toward him.

“Just a fan. I got everyone I knew to make Jack something. Cards, art, there’s even a Septiceye Sam in there.” She said, before rubbing her face. “You… you’re going to see Jack, right? Would you give it to him?”

Mark blinked a little in shock at her, before giving a slightly numb nod.

The girl grinned and thanked him, before walking off.

“Now boarding 5C, to Athlone, Ireland.” The voice over the intercom system intoned unemotionally. That was his plane…

Felix was nearly there, having bought a plane ticket to fly to Jack, when he got the text that Mark had boarded. He answered that he was close too, before he laid down and waited. It was too fucking early…

Mark found himself wishing he could drink for the first time in forever. He knew he couldn’t, or he might have another mini heart attack or something… But the cart that the lady was bringing around had alcohol. A curse finally expelled from his lips as he brought out his computer to try and occupy his mind… He was of no help to Jack if he was dead or in the hospital…

A plane refueling and a quick nap later and he was in Ireland finally. He could taste fear in his mouth, shaking slightly. He didn’t want to see Jack in pain… But he knew he had too.

Jack was starting to come down from the high the nurses had put him on. Painkillers galore, they had pumped so much into his body that he had barely been able to keep his blue eyes open.

A bang caught his attention, startling him. His door had burst open to show Mark and Felix, panting harshly.

It took a few moments for the Irishman to articulate words. “Wh-What ‘r ya two doin’ here…?” He slurred.

“Sirs, sirs, visiting hours are over!” A nurse spoke urgently, eyes wide. She was obviously unsure exactly how to go about this, new most likely.

“Please, I haven’t seen him in forever! I’m so fucking worried, I took a plane from L.A. to see him! Please…” Mark pleaded with her, chest quaking as he took deep breaths.

The woman bit her lip, glancing at Jack, then Mark, and even to Felix. “… Alright. I-If the patient wants you two in here, I can overlook you for at most, 10 minutes, but then you really have to leave.” She glanced at Jack for the go ahead, who nodded.

“10 minutes.” She warned firmly, before walking off.

Mark sighed in relief, turning to Jack. He took a moment to think of what to say. “… what happened?” He finally decided, voice gentle.

Jack pulled the blanket tightly into his hands, exhaling softly as he stared up at Mark. He looked like he was about to cry… before he looked down at his lap and spoke in a slightly rough voice, “Car crash.”

Mark shook his head slowly. “No, I mean really. Felix already knows-!”

Jack snapped to attention, a look of shock on his face, hurt flashing in his eyes. “Y-You told him…?”

Mark inhaled sharply, shaking his head vehemently. “No, no, no, he figured it out himself, guessed-!”

“An’ ya didn’t tell ‘im otherwise?! Ya didn’t f-fuckin’ keep him from knowin’?!” Jack shook his head quickly to clear it the rest of the way.

Felix looked between the angry Jack and the shocked Mark, biting the inside of his cheek. Shit…

“I trusted you ta keep that secret!” Jack took a few shaky breaths, teeth baring. “Ya really wanna fuckin’ know?! Ace got angry at me fer Skypin’ ya! He… He f-fuckin’ raped me… H-He made sure ‘a knew I was his, a-an’ no one else’s problem… a-an’ beat me…” Jack admitted. His voice had grown softer, as he looked back down to his lap, ashamed. Tears started spilling down his cheeks, a few sobs rolling through his chest.

Both Felix’s and Mark’s stomachs tightened.

Felix was the first to speak, growling, “He… He fucking… That son of a bitch.”

“I’m going to kill him!” Mark snarled angrily, startling the nurse who had just come back.

“Y-Your 10 minutes are-!”

“Yeah, we’re leaving.” Mark answered roughly. He hadn’t meant to be cruel to the nice nurse, but he could barely see he was so angry.

A deep breath later and he remembered… “Hold on.” He turned back to the room and set the bag gently on the bed with Jack. “Some fans wanted you to have it.” Mark spoke bluntly, turning to leave again.

“Mark!” Jack’s voice came from the room, but Mark ignored it, taking quicker steps to get out of there. “MARK!”

A flinch went through him… But he couldn’t. He couldn’t, he couldn’t…

Felix’s hotel room only had one bed, so Mark had to get his own. His dreams were haunted by thoughts of that fucking night at PAX East. If he hadn’t taken Jack with him… would Ace have raped him? Had he done that before…?

Mark couldn’t sleep.

He got out of bed and got changed, looking for a way to distract himself from the nightmares. It’d taken him so long to figure out what Jack had been going through… And he’d kept the secret, he hadn’t tried to get him out of the situation…

He felt like a terrible person, a terrible friend. It was his fault Jack was in the hospital, his fault he’d been beaten and…

Mark decided on a bar. He couldn’t care less about his health at the moment, he just wanted some way to forget what that fucker had done to Jack…

As he ordered, he heard it. Across the bar, at a table booth…

“… Got landed in the hospital… Worried people might find out… The sex was amazing.”

Mark turned just in time to see Ace, the blonde douche bag. His jaw set angrily as he downed the rest of his drink in one gulp, before walking over to him.

“The hell do- Mark?” Ace asked, before he cried out as Mark punched him straight in the face.

Mark got 3 more punches in, hearing a sickening crack as he broke Ace’s nose, before someone was grabbing him. “’ey, stop!”

Mark let the man throw him out of the bar, but not before Ace gave him a hateful glare… and then a sickening smirk.

Fear curdled in Mark’s stomach. Jack…

Mark was like a zombie, walking back to the hotel. He went straight to Felix’s room.

Felix opened up the door, worry suddenly on his expression as Mark went past him and started pacing around the room. “What’s wrong?”

“I-I just punched Ace in the face… I broke his nose… I-I…” Mark admitted, shaking. What had he done…? What had he done?!

What about JACK, who would most likely by the candidate for ‘consequences’?!

“That’s good, he deserved it. What’s the problem?” Felix asked, confused as to why Mark was panicking.

“What about Jack?!” Mark shrieked urgently, turning to look at Felix again. Frightened tears were edging at his eyes.

Realization darned on Felix’s face, and he turned as white as a sheet.

Mark jumped as his phone started ringing in his pocket, quickly whipping it out to answer. His vision swam as he suddenly got dizzy. He felt like he was going to throw up.

“What’s wrong?” Felix voice was quiet, and Mark could barely hear him.

“… Jack’s been taken in to surgery.”


	4. Please...

Mark had started panicking even more, so much that he couldn’t go alone, or even attempt to take the wheel, so Felix jumped into Mark’s rental and started to drive them to the hospital.

“This is all my fault…” Mark mumbled, his tears finally dripping from his eyelashes into his lap. He felt horrible, he had just been so angry at Ace because goddamnit the man had hurt his best friend!

Mark’s stomach lurched as his thoughts went back to how Ace had raped Jack.

“This isn’t your fault, bro. You saw Ace and got pissed off because he r-… he ra-… that sicko.” Felix’s hands tightened around the steering wheel, teeth gritting. He was furious as well; Jack was one of his closest friends, like a brother, and for him to have been tortured that whole time…

He hated feeling this helpless.

Mark’s knee bounced up and down as he breathed oddly, trying hard to calm down.

“Do you know what happened?” Felix asked, glancing at Mark a moment, before he looked back to the road.

Mark shook his head quickly. What the hell could Ace had done with Jack in the hospital, surrounded by all those nurses, doctors, and security anyways? Surgery made it sound like Jack could die…

The care stopped and Mark immediately flung open the door and ran, not even thinking.

“Mark, wait-! … Fuck!” Felix’s voice yelled, but Mark didn’t stop, he couldn’t.

Felix cursed again and got out, shutting both doors and locking the car.

Mark hurriedly rushed up the stairs to Jack’s floor and to the desk. “Where is he?!” He cried urgently.

The poor man at the desk blinked up at the blue haired man in surprise and confusion. “Wh-who?”

Mark groaned. “Sean McLoughlin, Sean McLoughlin, where the hell is he?!”

The man at the desk looked between Mark and the computer. “I-I don’t-!”

Mark gave a strangled yell and slammed his hand on the desk, making the man flinch, before running to Jack’s previous room.

He stopped at the door, chest tightening. Jack lay on the hospital bed, drying blood covering his hospital gown. His eyes were shut and his breathing was irregular. Mark could feel himself panicking at how deathly Jack looked, hands shakily going up to push his glasses into place.

“His stitches busted open.” Mark jerked at the voice that cut through his thoughts, not having noticed anyone else in the room. “Someone took the pain meds, poor guy was in so much pain… Body almost went into shock.” The nurse said in sympathy, as she fixed the IV pump.

“… How did his stitched open?” Mark asked softly, staring at Jack. He felt sick.

“Not sure. They were ripped open, I think.” She said off handedly.

Mark watched her leave before he dropped to his knees, tears starting again, cascading down his cheeks in torrents. Pain flitted in his throat as his crying got to the next stage, sobs rolling through his chest.

Felix ran into the room, hands on his knees. He was breathing heavily, eyes screwed shut. He wasn’t used to running a lot; his job WAS playing video games. He finally got a hold of his breathing and straightened. “What happened?”

“His stitches were ripped open… Someone stole his pain meds… Almost went into shock…” Mark quoted as he had finally got control of his sobbing again, sitting criss-cross applesauce on the floor.

The slightly younger man ran a hand through his hair and blew out a breath before asking, “What do we do?”

Mark bit his cheek. “I don’t know.” He answered truthfully, slowly taking odd his glasses and violently rubbing his face.

They were able to spend the night at the hospital because of the scare… or maybe it was because Mark had demanded it, or the fact that Felix had yelled until it was allowed.

No matter which it was, the night found Mark sitting next to Jack’s bed, holding one of his hands. Mark didn’t even care that he didn’t sleep at all that night. As long as Jack was safe, he was fine.

Jack awoke to his left hand sandwiched between two warm… something. He forced his eyes open, vision blurred for a few moments before it became clear.

Mark was seated next to him, holding Jack’s hand between his own.

Jack felt a bit sick, but he pushed himself forward to sit up, hissing.

“You ok, Jack?” Mark’s voice was gentle, even though there was a small tremor.

Jack nodded softly, wincing as his new stitches felt weird on his stomach, legs, and arms.

“What did the doctors think happened?” Mark asked, looking into Jack’s eyes.

Jack looked away, head tilted downward slightly. “’a had ta make a lot of lies fer them ta think anythin’ other than abuse. Not sure what they think now…”

Mark looked down and sighed a bit, resting his forehead on the bed tiredly.

Jack laid back on the bed as Felix awoke. “Hey Felix.” Jack greeted with a soft, albeit weak, smile.

“Hey Jack. I haven’t seen you in months. You doing well?” Felix asked feebly.

Jack blinked, looked around him at the stark white hospital room, then back at Felix. “… ‘a’m jus’ perfect.” He answered, barely veiled sarcasm dripping from his voice.

Felix blushed a bit and sat back, nodding. “I deserved that.”

“… About Ace-!” Mark was cut off as Jack suddenly wrenched his hand out of the blue haired man’s grasp.

“Please, please don’t make me talk about this…” Jack pleaded.

Mark hesitated, looking to Felix, before giving a nod. “Ok, I won’t.”

Jack nodded and leaned back, closing his eyes. He fell asleep, hand going slack.

Mark gave a relieved sigh, reaching forward to mess with his green hair lightly, before he pulled back, turning to Felix. “How are we supposed to save him?”

Felix didn’t answer right away, gnawing on his cheek.

“You like him, don’t you?” He finally asked, looking up at Mark.

Mark’s cheeks heated up. “W-Well, I mean… Yes, I do. I like him, I want to date him, and I want him SAFE.” Mark admitted.

Felix stayed silent, glancing at Jack. Jack’s eyes were half open… He was listening. Felix knew Mark would continue, so he didn’t say anything about it.

“I want to kiss him goodnight and good morning every day. I want to play video games and watch movies and- and hold him and love him.” Mark said, rubbing his eyes to keep himself from crying like a baby, like he had been for the past couple of weeks now.

“And I want to kill that asshole that’s been beating my love and- and fucking RAPING him!” Mark yelled, slouching forward. No wonder his mother had always called him a cry baby when he was growing up.

Jack’s eyes opened, and he sat up. “Do ya really mean all that?”

Mark stiffened and turned, eyes wide. He swallowed harshly, looking into Jack’s eyes for only a moment before he looked down to the bed. “You heard all that?” He asked in trepidation, breathing slowly. He was afraid Jack was going to get angry again, or worse, reject him. Permanently.

Mark didn’t want to lose this friendship just because he’d been stupid and said everything…

“Do. Ya. Mean. All. That?” Jack repeated, enunciating every word so Mark would know he wanted this answered.

Mark forced himself to breathe deeply, taking off his glasses. “… I… Yes… I love you… I’m… I’m sorry…”

Jack swallowed roughly, teeth sinking into his lip. “No… Ya have nothin’ ta be sorry fer… Mark, I… ‘a can’t be whit you. I-!”

Mark felt like his heart suddenly crushed in his chest, pain stabbing at his chest. More tears blurred his vision as he turned and ran out the room, ignoring Jack’s voice.

“MARK!!”


	5. B To The S To The Motherfuckin' Bullshit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really really sorry!!! I have half of the next chapter done but??? Here???????

A curse expelled from Jack’s lungs as he covered his face with his hands, thinking about what to say about Mark running off. “… Felix…” He sighed, peeking at the Swede through his fingers. “I want ta be with him, but not only would Ace get angry whit me… H-He could do something to Mark.”

Felix watched Jack for a small moment, before he thought a moment. “Do you want to be free from Ace?”

Jack almost looked offended at the question. “Fuck ye, I never want to be with him ever again, but how am I supposed ta leave him?” Jack asked, almost harshly.

Felix stood, frowning at the Irishman a bit. After a few seconds of almost hesitation, he spoke almost… softly. Like he knew Jack needed to be approached carefully when it came to something this heavy. “You have to admit to the police, get the doctors to understand what really happened. Mark and all of us will be there with you every step of the way.”

Jack looked down into his lap, blinking away fat tears that clung to his eyelashes. They dripped and splashed onto the backs of his hands. “But I’m… Scared…”

Felix watched him, before stepping forward and wiping away a stray tear from his best friend’s face with a small, gentle sigh and smile. “Look, bro… It’s alright to be afraid. You can still do this, even if you’re afraid. We’ll protect you, and we can get some of your other friends, like maybe… Ken!” Felix suggested the first person who came to mind.

Jack rubbed his face, getting rid of the remaining tears. He wondered why Felix was acting so differently, why him and Mark were treating like a fragile, cracked figurine… He hated it. “… and Bob and Wade?” He added quietly, watching Felix for his reaction, reaching up to grip his green tuft lightly.

Felix nodded, voice soft. “Whoever you want.”

Jack’s voice was weak. “And they’d fine out…?”

Felix nodded again, slower this time as he watched the smaller man.

“… OK.”

The Swede couldn’t help the large sigh of relief, pretty much going back to his usual self. “Yeah, bro! We’re going to get you out of this and into a relationship with Mark!” 

Jack smiled softly as Felix started to ramble on, before he rubbed one of his eyes tiredly. “I don’t know about forcin’ ‘em ta come here, though… If I was in America, since they all live there, it’d be easier...” He frowned sorrowfully. There was no way they were going to come just because he had been pathetic and allowed something this bad to happen to him… He hated himself…

Felix quickly shook his head, causing Jack to glance up at him. “You know they’d come in a HEARTBEAT. They’re your friends, and they worry.” He whipped out his phone suddenly, frowning at it. “Speaking of worry, I should go find Mark. I’ll be right back, bro.”

Jack nodded as Felix sprinted off. He was still afraid as hell and a bit annoyed at the way people were acting as if he was broken and needed to be coddled. But, if all of this meant not having to go through everything Ace put him through anymore, AND to be with Mark… He snuggled into his bed. He could be brave.

Mark sat on the floor with his back pressed against the wall and his knees pulled up into his chest. He layed his face on his knees and sobbed into them. His tears had soaked his jeans by then, but he didn’t actually care. He heard someone running toward him… “I don’t want to talk, Felix.” Came his muffled voice.

Felix dropped to sit next to the half Korean, staring for a moment as he thought of what to say. “Mark… Jack didn’t reject you. He fucking likes you back, he was just afraid Ace might do something to YOU.”

Mark looked up, eyes wide in surprise. “Really?”

“And he wants to tell the police and have his friends here. I’ve already messaged Ken but I don’t think he’d answered yet. Jack wants to tell everyone.”

Mark let this new information sink in, picking up his glasses from the floor. “Who else did he want?” He asked softly, blinking a few times to get rid of the tears still clinging to his lashes.

“He said Bob and Wade…?”

Mark’s phone was out immediately. He HAD to get a hold of them.

Felix had brought his own phone out, reading over his newest messages.

‘That fucking bastard hurt Jack?! I’m getting to Ireland don’t you worry.’

Mark received very similar texts from both Bob and Wade.

It wasn’t long until Jack was sitting in the middle of his hospital bed, fidgeting a bit. He was surrounded by Ken, Bob, Wade, Felix, and Mark. A police officer stood in front of them, note pad out.

“Can you start with the first time he hurt you?” The man asked.

Jack took a shaky breath as he tried to calm himself, get ready to bare it all. Mark squeezed his hand gently. Jack wasn’t sure how he felt about that, a cross between thankful and angry that he was still being treated like a glass figurine. He exhaled slowly, eyes shutting a moment, before they opened and he started.

“It was a few months in… I-I was at his house… We’d gone out to dinner, and he got mad at me… said I’d been too loud at the restaurant and he… H-He pushed me to the wall and choked me… L-Left a hand mark on my throat…” Jack closed his eyes at the memory, hands curling around his blanket as tears welled up.

Ken’s hand curled into a fist. “That asshole…”

Bob nodded. “My sentiments exactly…”

Wade stayed silent, thinking about what he had noticed the whole time he had been friends with Jack… Shit…

Jack fidgeted again, reaching up to bite his thumb nervously. He wasn’t sure how to go on… He didn’t want to talk about anything more, especially not about anything worse… like… the rape…

Felix watched as Jack started to fold in on himself, noticing what that meant. Jack wanted to stop… “Marzia is pregnant.” He blurted suddenly, mouth moving before his mind could catch up. All the occupants in the room looked at him in shock, even the policeman, who hadn’t expected to hear anything like that during this…

“I want my child to meet Uncle Jack and Uncle Mark happy and- and together, not… Not a depressed Uncle Mark and stories about their dead Uncle Jack…”

Jack stared at Felix with his wide, crystal blue eyes. He knew that he could continue after that. He was going to love that child like only Uncle Jack could. “He said that he owned me and ta not tell anyone… So I didn’t. After awhile, ‘e moved in whit me. Th-Then, he started getting’ angry with me fer Skypin’ ‘r talkin’ to my friends…”

Wade shut his eyes. He understood finally, rubbing his face. That was why it had been so long since he had seen or talked to Jack…

Jack continued, voice wavering as he tried to keep any tears at bay. “Every time ‘a did something wrong in his eyes, he would either beat me ‘r whip me with a belt.”

Mark grit his teeth, feeling anger radiate from his core. Damn it, damn it, damn it… He gave Jack’s hand another gentle squeeze as he felt a sudden wave of regret roll through him. Why did he let this happen…? As an angry curse from Felix rung through his ears, he whispered, “I feel like I failed you…”

Jack snapped to attention, shaking his head a few times. “You didn’t fail… I did. I was pathetic and he took advantage of that.”

Wade shook his head. “You’re not pathetic. He was a bastard and you felt overpowered. It’s not your fault.”

Jack gave him a soft appreciative smile, before it dimmed. His stomach churned as he tried to articulate the right words… He didn’t want to explain this… He felt sick… “And he, uh… He did… He f-forced himself… on me…”

The 3 men that hadn’t known stiffened, completely shocked. The shock quickly started turning into anger.

“He raped you…?” Bob asked, barely above a whisper.

Jack swallowed hard, mouth dry as he tried to speak… But couldn’t. He nodded slowly, pulling the blanket closer.

Ken chuckled in a pissed off tone, anger in his eyes. “Oh. I can’t wait for that asshole to get here so I can beat the shit out of him.”

“While I would love for that to happen…” The officer started, causing the other people in the room to glance up at him. “… I can’t allow you or I’d have to take you down to jail for assault and battery.” He sounded reluctant, though.  
Ken frowned and leaned back in his chair. He looked a bit disappointed.

“… did he do it more than once?” The officer asked, voice soft.

Jack looked down and wiped at his eyes as his tears grew fatter and dripped heavily down his cheeks. Even the officer was treating him… He gave a slow nod.

Mark started to cry, going forward to hug Jack. He ran a rand through Jack’s green hair, mumbling something sweet…

Jack disengaged himself from Mark, looking up at the blue haired man for a moment, before he stared ahead. “It’s ok.” He said blankly, frowning smally. He hated how the events had spiraled. He missed when he was able to pretend his pain wasn’t there, pretend Ace was his teddy bear again, able to be his happy, excited, loud self.

Mark was shaking his head vehemently, taking Jack’s attention. “It’s not ok! You don’t deserve it! You’re too precious to me for me to- fuck, I-I didn’t… I can’t let it happen anymore Jack, I just… I love you.”

Jack swallowed hard, hands shaking a bit. Love? Again…? Jack wasn’t sure how he felt about it… Yeah, he’s had a crush on Mark for a long time but he had thought Ace would be good and then… He knew Mark wouldn’t… Hurt him, but… He definitely wasn’t ready for a relationship with Mark, let alone hear and say LOVE...

Bob and Wade were smiling softly. They had shipped Mark and Jack ever since they realized Mark’s crush on the smaller man. It had been obvious to them, and now…?

Ken and Felix glanced at each other from across the room. Well… Ken owed Felix $20 now…

Someone walked through the door. Immediately, Mark and Ken snarled at him. Bob narrowed his eyes, with Wade gritting his teeth and glaring.

“That’s the bastard. That’s Ace.” Felix mumbled coldly, eyes watching the blonde sharply.

The officer immediately turned, slapping the handcuffs onto the Australian.

Ace looked shocked at his cuffed wrists for only a moment, before his features twisted into anger. He glared at Jack, clenching his jaw. “You pathetic bitch! You told them, didn’t you?! You stupid--- child!”

Mark growled at him, eyes holding barely contained anger. “Stupid child?! That’s the best you could come up with?! You’re going to jail for a very long time, I’m making sure of that.”

Ace swallowed, realizing the gravity of the situation and immediately changing his tactics. In a voice that was far too sweet, he spoke. “Sean, baby, I’m sorry. I love you, you know that… Please, Sean…”

Jack stiffened, breathing stuttering his chest. He looked up at Ace incredulously, but it fell in just a few moments. He knew he’d let that keep him with Ace a long time ago…

“Jack isn’t going to fall for it. You beat him! Raped him! And you expect him to forgive you?! How stupid are you?!” Ken had finally spoken up, anger in his voice.

“Heh…” Ace shook his head, before looking up at Jack. “It worked in the beginning, didn’t it Sean~? I just said sorry and you believed my every word. And then you got difficult and I had to keep you with me in a different way, didn’t I?” Ace smirked at Jack as he winced, pulling himself inwards.

The officer tightened Ace’s handcuffs even more, sort of smiling when Ace hissed a bit in pain, before he took him away.

Ace’s voice screamed through the halls as he was led away, causing Jack to start to sob; “You’re not going to get away with this! SEAN YOU ARE FUCKING MINE AND YOU’LL ALWAYS BE MINE!!!”

Mark held Jack, letting the Irishman sob into his shirt.

Bob, Wade, Ken, and Felix filed out of the room to leave them alone together.

Jack felt sick as Mark spoke, “It’s ok baby. I’ve got you. You’ll never be hurt by him again.”

Baby, love… Jack felt reminded of Ace as Mark spoke… He hated it… He knew he did like Mark, a lot, in fact the other pretty much saved his life just being the YouTuber Jack watched, and he knew after they met he’d fallen for Mark, but… He definitely couldn’t get together with Mark yet.

He just wanted to be alone… But he was afraid Mark would get mad at him, so he let Mark hold him. He hated how pathetic he was, how everyone was treating him, and he even hated how just because Jack had said that he liked Mark back, Mark was acting like they were together…

Jack wanted to throw up.


	6. Heaving Through Corrupted Lungs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OML I'm sorry but it's taking forever to get through writing these chapters and I have no WiFi at home so it's super slow but---!!! I'm already working on the next chapter and here this is!

“Easy, Jack, easy…” Mark’s voice was soft as he eased Jack into the wheel chair. He had been taking care of Jack the whole time the smaller man had been in the hospital, and it seemed he planned on taking care of him until he was fully healed. Mark hoped Jack’s wounds would heal soon and that he could see Jack happy and excited now that he was free.

Jack was changed into his regular clothes now, gauze covering his stomach, legs, arms, and chest underneath his clothes. He had let Mark take care of him, even though he just wanted to be alone… He just wanted to be able to think about everything. He didn’t know if he wanted to be with Mark yet, didn’t know what he felt or wanted or ANYTHING… And he couldn’t be left alone by Mark for more than like, 2 minutes, except once… He understood Mark was worried about him but fuck… At least after the day he had said everything, Mark wasn’t all lovey again. He didn’t have to here Baby or I love you or anything close to it… Thankfully…

But the sad thing? Mark would most likely LISTEN if he said he wanted to be alone, but Jack was fucking afraid…

Felix, Ken, Bob, and Wade were already at Jack’s house, throwing out all of Ace’s things. It had been Felix who suggested it, too have all of that bastard’s stuff gone by the time Jack got there. Hell, he’d even suggested a bonfire.

Surprisingly, Jack had a pretty large house. Thankfully, he had separate bedrooms, meaning he hadn’t been forced to sleep in the same bed with Ace every night.

There was Jack’s room, the recording room, 2 guest rooms (three, now.), what used to be Ace’s room, a kitchen, a TV room, and an entry room that led to the TV room. There was 1 half bathroom downstairs, 1 full bathroom in the hallway upstairs, and one double bathroom in Ace’s old room.

Jack had admitted, almost like he had been… embarrassed, that Ace had forced him to move his things out of that room to one of the other ones and give Ace the master bedroom.

Yeah, no, Jack’s things were going back in the master right away.

Mark helped Jack into the passenger seat and listened to the nurse who had wheeled Jack out. 

“Sean has to use the wheelchair for a while. His left leg is fractured and his right ankle is sprained badly. Be thankful none of his tendons tore, or he’d have had surgery…”

Mark forced himself not to curse Ace’s name again.

It had been 5 days since Ace was arrested.

5 days since they had spoken about their feelings. Mark had wanted to bring it up, but he wasn’t sure how Jack would react… He’d backed off a bit after that day, not wanting to scare Jack off… He felt a bit bad for how he’d acted, as if just because they had a mutual crush meant that suddenly they were together and he could act like that…

Mark got into the driver seat and started the car, glancing at Jack a bit worriedly. Neither of them spoke.

After a bit, Jack seemed to decide on something, reaching forward to turn on the music. A CD of his was still in the stereo, even though Jack didn’t really like driving all that much. His music was soft, an instrumental of some sort. Astor’s Birthday Party.

Jack listened to the music, humming along for awhile, before he swallowed and turned the music down to 0.

“I… back then, back at PAX East…” He started, taking a soft breath.

Mark winced at the memory, glancing away. “… I’m… Still really sorry about that… But I heard you scream and… I couldn’t… I couldn’t let that bastard hurt you… And then he came out with a damn belt in his hands and- I just-…” Mark stopped at a red light, eyes casting away from the road to watch Jack.

Jack wrung his hands nervously, unsure on how to proceed with the conversation. “Ya saved me from him fer a weekend… A few days ago, ya said you loved me… And you… Why?”

“Why…?” Mark blinked in surprise, before he clenched his teeth. “He made you think you were nothing, didn’t he…? I know how it feels… Jack, I said I love you and I saved you because you’re amazing. I think it, all your fans think it, all your friends do... Jack, you’re amazing and that’s wh-!”

Jack quickly kissed Mark. It had been on impulse, a cross between needing to stop Mark’s speech, what felt like lies, and the need to feel a pair of lips on his own that weren’t bruising or forced.

BEEEEEEEP! Mark snapped away from the kiss and slammed on the gas. The red light had changed green almost a full 10 seconds earlier and Mark hadn’t noticed.

Jack watched in front of them blankly, frowning. He didn’t feel like he was acting like himself. He didn’t like it. He wanted it to be just like it was before. He wanted to collab with his friends and scream at the tops of his lungs about something silly or stupid…

He wished that he could have done all that without Ace… He rested his head on the window, green hair smushing against the glass.

He shut his eyes, memory surfacing slowly and painfully…

Jack had tears stuck in his eyes as Ace ran his hands over his bruised hips and welted ass. He was shaking, unused to being naked in front of someone like this… He wanted away.

He tried not to shoot off the bed and bolt so he didn’t anger Ace, but it was hard was Ace’s hands were getting dangerously close to parts of him he didn’t want Ace’s hands to be.

“Please, no… I-I need ta record… P-Please, I w-wanted my first time ta… D-Don’t do this… I’m s-sorry…” He pleaded, a sob rolling through his chest.

There were noises behind him, his blue eyes dull and filled with fear. Ace had dropped the belt, he knew that by the sound. A small sigh of relief escaped him.

No more whipping…

Then the sound of Ace taking off his pants… His underwear…

“N-No, no, d-don’t do thi-is, ple-ease…!!!” He whimpered in fear.

“Special, right? You wanted your first time to be special? Tell me this isn’t special enough.”

Jack stayed quiet, hating how vulnerable he was right now. It definitely wasn’t special enough, but arguing with Ace…? Hell no…

Ace gripped his hips, making Jack give another whine of fear. He pleaded more, getting louder and even more panicky as Ace spread his legs.

“N-No, I didn’t w-want j-jus’- aaAGH!!!”

Jack screamed as suddenly his insides tore up, pain rushing through him. He could taste it, tears streaming down his cheeks, blood trailing down his legs…

Jack jolted in his seat of the car. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he watched his hands, shaking. “M-Mark…!”

Immediately the American’s arms were around him. Apparently they had just stopped and Mark was already over on Jack’s side.

“It’s ok, it’s ok, I’m here… What happened?”

“Please… D-Don’t ask…”

Mark watched their friends fawn over Jack as he sat down on the couch, scowling a bit. He was thinking about when he met with Ace a couple days back… Mostly to scream, but also to make him realize he did a horrible thing…

“Jack isn’t a fucking item. He’s not a toy you can play with then give to the dog. He’s a fucking HUMAN BEING with fucking FEELINGS! He didn’t deserve the shit you put him through--- he deserves way better than an asshole like you!”

Ace blinked at Mark, raising an eyebrow nonchalantly before asking, “Are you done?”

Mark breathed heavily, getting his anger under control. “… Yes.”

Ace laughed a bit rushing a hand through his soft hair. “Sean was pathetic. He thought I meant that I loved him when I said it. He thought that you would come and save him, you know? I had him admit it once. I knew it already, but I forced him to admit it all. He said he had loved you for a long, long time. Heh… I’ll have you know I had sex with him the first time because of that.”

Mark stared in shock, blinking his deep brown eyes only a moment before they hardened and he glared, gritting his teeth angrily. “I will beat you into the ground!”

The officer behind him put his hand on Mark’s shoulder, effectively stopping him. “I know the situation and I really don’t want ta arrest you fer assault ‘n’ battery whit Jack in th’ hospital.”

His heavy Irish accent spoke reason into Mark’s head and he sighed, nodding. He left with that.

Mark snapped to attention as he heard Bob yelling his name. He jumped up and went to the stair, blinking in surprise at the display in front of him.

There sat Jack in his wheelchair with wide eyes, Wade, Ken, and Felix trying to carry him in the wheelchair up the stairs into his room. And there was Bob, supervising. Well…

“Will you… Help us… Bob?!” Felix tried to yell, out of breath. He was breathing heavily.

Bob fixed his glasses. “I’m supervising. I got Mark here to help you.”

Mark rolled his eyes a bit, laughing softly before going up the stairs to help them.

Jack’s blue eyes were wide as he stared at the four men carrying him along with the wheelchair… stupidly.

“Y-Ya know one of ya could jus’ carry ME up an’ fold up th’ wheelchair and take it separately---!!”

Mark glanced up at Felix, then to Wade, then to Ken. “… We’re idiots.”

Bob was laughing. He’d already figured that out, but he found it just a bit funny seeing them do it this way.

Felix carried Jack up the stairs bridal style, struggling a bit as he stood with the Irishman in his arms for awhile, waiting for the wheelchair to be set up again.

He plopped Jack down onto the chair as soon as it was done, laying on the floor. “Fucking finally! What did you eat?!” He cried, even though after a moment of thinking, Jack was small. He was definitely less weight than he should be, Felix was just… weak.

Jack looked down at him, frowning a bit. “… Nothing really. Nothing today, anyways.” He admitted, scratching the back of his head.

Wade looked up at him, before he nodded. “I’ll get you some food.” He spoke, reaching over to hug Jack before running down the stairs.

Mark got behind Jack’s wheelchair, pushing him forward. He followed Ken as the other American guided them first into the master bedroom.

Almost immediately, Jack started to cry.

All of his things were set up in HIS room, just the way he liked it. There wasn’t a trace of the man named Ace. “Oh my god, thank ya so much…” Jack said through his tears, laugh expelling from his lungs lightly. He looked happy, eyes shining.

“There’s more.” Felix said, taking Jack from Mark and wheeling him to the back window. The view was off the backyard… and all of Ace’s things, broken and trashed in a pile.

Mark burst out in laughter. It was infectious, and soon enough, all of them were laughing.

Jack wasn’t sure how legal that was, but at the idea of a bonfire, which Felix spouted, he sort of drew the line.

Wade ran up the stairs with food; a sandwich.

Jack held a half of the sandwich in his hand, taking a huge bite and swallowing it before he smiled up at them. “I-I don’t know what to say… I just… Thank you guys so much fer everything yer doing for me…” Jack wiped away his joyful tears, laughing a bit.

Felix, Ken, and Wade went to set up the beds, Bob going along to supervise again.

Mark sat on the floor as he watched Jack eat.

Jack moved the sandwich away from his face and raised an eyebrow, playful smile on his lips. “D’ya have a food fetish, Mark?”

Mark snorted, shaking his head with a smile just as happy. “No, no... Jack… I had a question.”

Jack turned serious, nodding a bit.

“I just wanted to ask… about us.”

Jack stared at him, silent. He didn’t want to make an impulsive decision, didn’t want to ruin anything or hurt anyone or… Force himself to pretend he was alright with a relationship at the moment, because he wasn’t. He wasn’t ready, even if he cared for Mark and hell even loved him just the same… It hurt. He WANTED to be ok and be able to say they could get together, because isn’t that what he’s wanted for years? But he couldn’t do it… “… can ya give me more time? I don’t want ta go straight into a relationship right after…”

Mark nodded, hiding the hurt in his eyes by looking down at the carpet. He felt pain in his throat. That wasn’t a rejection, he knew that… But he couldn’t help but think it was. He took a shaky breath, calming himself down. “I know. Just… Do you think I at least have a shot…?”

The room fell silent as Jack took another bite, eyes glancing at the floor. “… ye. You have a pretty good shot.”


	7. Like A Fucking Child

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now I know it's been forever but... four chapters done and a lot of time/release needed so while I wrote four chapters of a new story, White Blood, you're gonna get this too.
> 
> I'm expecting to finish this by chapter 35, and I have plans for the future anyways. Love me oml I'm sorry

Nights were always the hardest. Jack hated sleep, for many reasons. First off, it wasted valuable time he could be using for other things such as recording, editing, reading comments, reblogging fan art, talking with friends when Ace was asleep and he could sneak it… one didn’t matter much now.

Another problem with sleep was the nightmares.

He slept in the first morning back in his house, curled in on himself. He was being plagued with nightmares, however. Of memories of pain, bruises, blood, tearing… Jack started to show that he was having a nightmare in the outside world.

Mark had opted to stay with Jack that night, to watch over him. His air mattress was just underneath Jack’s bed, and he had woken up before Jack. He was answering people on Twitter when he heard it…

“N-No… Please…”

Mark’s eyes snapped away from his phone to the wall in front of him blankly. He listened to Jack’s whining, biting the inside of his lip softly. He felt pain in his chest at the sounds Jack was making, low whimpers and whines of fear…

“I d-don’t wa-ant too… I w-wanted… M’ first t-time ta be spe-ecial… Ple-ease…” He pleaded, a sob rolling through his chest. He was breaking out in a cold sweat, green hair sticking to his forehead.

Mark growled a bit. That bastard took Jack’s virginity, is what it sounded like. He’d already had a suspicion, but… He jumped up, watching Jack shakily. His eyes were squeezed shut so tightly it looked painful… Mark reached his hands out…

He didn’t know what to fucking do! Mark tried to shake him awake…

Well, Jack was awake at least…

Jack bolted up and covered his face, eyes wide and filled with fear. He looked like a deer in headlights, before he gave a heartbreaking SCREAM.

Mark fell backwards, scooting to the wall with wide eyes. He hated this, he was helpless to help, and he couldn’t…

Extremely loud footsteps clambered up the stairs, causing Jack to flinch each time.

When Mark could see Ken and Felix, he put his finger to his lips and tapped his shoe. They walked quieter.

“What’s wrong?” Felix whispered, blue eyes watching Jack carefully, only glancing at Mark a bit.

Mark licked across his teeth shakily, taking a breath. “He had a nightmare, but he’s not fully awake yet.”

Ken took a few quiet steps forward to see if Jack was alright, frowning.

Jack, however, still threw his hands back and stared up at Ken with wide, fearful eyes. His chest heaved rapidly as he watched the other, before it started to slow and his eyes focused. “… K-Ken…?”

Ken sighed in relief at Jack’s voice, nodding as Jack sat up. “You were having a nightmare. Are you alright now?”

Jack glanced down at his lap, eyes dark. He didn’t answer, not exactly trusting his voice. Plus, he felt embarrassed, hating how he’d had this horrible nightmare right in front of them.

“Jack…” Ken soothed.

“… I’m fine now.” Jack finally managed to mumbled, voice wavering like he’d feared it would.

Mark stared at him for a bit, standing slowly. “… He took your… He took your virginity, didn’t he?”

Jack stiffened, looking up at Mark with wide eyes. How did… Jack guessed it was obvious, but… He let his eyes droop and looked down at his lap again, small, cold hands gripping the blanket tightly. He gave a nod.

“I’m gonna fucking kill him.” Felix’s voice was cold, quiet. His true anger wasn’t blazing, wasn’t screaming… Just this cold, dark, violent words spoken in an even tone.

It caused pretty much everyone in the room to shiver, except Jack.

Jack just looked up at him silently, slightly dead, dull looking eyes staring deep into Felix’s suddenly sharp ones. “It’s alright. I’m fine now, so…”

Mark got over it first, shaking his head vehemently, eyes blazing with barely contained, explosive anger. “You’re not fine! You’re having NIGHTMARES, he took away your piece of mind, he stole your virginity!” Mark slammed his hand on the bed.

Jack had already started to feel his throat constrict and fear start to manifest when Mark started yelling, before he gave a shriek and scooted as far back as he could at the slam.

Ken quickly put a hand on Mark’s shoulder, glancing at Jack a moment. “Calm down, calm down…” His voice was low, and left no room for argument.

Mark exhaled slowly, releasing his anger before he gave a slow nod. “I’m calm, I’m calm.” He promised.

Ken let go of his shoulder, giving a sigh of relief.

Jack wiped at his eyes, shaky half breaths tumbling in and out of his mouth. “I-I’m sorry…”

Felix shook his head and kneeled down to look at Jack, mulling over his words a moment. “Hey, look at me, bro.”

Jack looked over at Felix slowly, dull eyes hooded and dark. He looked sallow, cheeks hollow.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. You had a nightmare because you went through trauma, it’s not your fault.”

Jack’s chest heaved as tears still spilled down his cheeks without his consent. Damn it, no wonder he was treated like a fucking child. “… A-Are my fans mad that ‘a haven’t uploaded in over 2 weeks?”

Mark shook his head, nearly immediately; “They’re worried about you… They didn’t think it was a car crash, they automatically thought abuse.”

Jack’s eyes flickered as he realized what that meant, swallowing harshly. Damn it… “… I want to make a video for ‘em, so they’re not worried.” Ken moved to protest, but Jack continued before he could, glancing up. “Just so I can tell ‘em that I’m ok now and I will be ok.” He said, wiping his eyes.

The three others looked to each other.

“I say let him.” Bob’s voice came from the doorway, startling the men.

“Yeah, he really wants to, and it’ll be healthy for him. Especially since it’s something he wants to do.” Wade added in, glancing at Jack.

Jack rushed a shaky hand through the green mop on his head, eyes looking up at the other three still making their decision. Like he needed permission. Jack realized that, frowning deeply.

It wasn’t fair. He was being treated like a child. Jack wasn’t a child. He hadn’t been able to make his own decisions for himself in years, and now that Ace had finally stopped controlling him…

Still this.

Mark glanced at Jack, seeing the frown. Seeing a sort of hope in his eyes like he had made a decision and he hoped that what he wanted would finally happen.

“Yeah. Let’s go set that up.”

Jack relaxed, exhaling softly, a small half smile set on his lips. He moved to get up, before wincing and gripping the bed tight. He had accidentally put pressure on his sprained ankle, thankfully not aggravating the fracture in his left leg.

Stupid, stupid, stupid…

“I’ll get the wheelchair.” Wade said, rushing off.

“I’ll help him.” Bob told them, following Wade.

They got back with the chair relatively quickly, and both Ken and Felix helped ease Jack into the chair.

Mark got behind and wheeled the Irishman toward the recording room, smiling slightly. They had a surprise for him. It wasn’t really big, but…

“There’s a fuckin’ couch!” Jack laughed giddily, running a hand on the new couch that was placed in the room. The new set up was amazing--- it might not have had anything else new, just the couch, but it was perfect. The TV Ace had bought with Jack’ money and put in ‘his’ room was hanging on a wall, ready to be used as a monitor if Jack was recording with more people.

He still had his monitor for his computer on the desk, facing toward the door and his shelf. There was just a new couch.

Jack was obviously going to have to move it and the TV out of the room when he was back to being alone in his house, for space and, cough, vive, cough, reasons. However, this was amazing. He was so fucking happy.

Especially when he heard Felix say, “I thought since we’re here, we could have the couch to collab when you’re better.”

Jack looked up in shock, happiness nestled deeply into his eyes but nearly blotted out by his surprise.

“Of course we are!” Mark said with a large smile.

Jack looked completely and genuinely surprised at their kindness, making Ken’s smile falter.

“… We like you a lot. You’re one of our closest friends. Of course we’re staying until you’re completely ok. Hell, we’re staying until you get sick of us, Jack.”

Jack finally smiled softly and nodded, even if he still felt a tinge of shock. He didn’t get it, not really. They shouldn’t be…

The camera was set up to see the couch as they nestled in. The couch could only hold 3 people, so Bob, Wade, and Ken sat on the floor near Felix, Mark, and Jack’s feet.

He used a stream so as not too have to edit, imputing all the info before taking a shallow breath.

“Top of th’ mornin’ to ya, laddies! My name is Jacksepticeye, and I’ve got Mark, Felix, Ken, Bob, and Wade whit me while I record this. You see…” Jack faltered, swallowing hard. He didn’t want to have to talk about this. While yes, he did want to say it, he… Wished he didn’t have too. Wished this had never happened.

Mark rested a reassuring hand on his shoulder, effectively calming Jack.

Jack glanced at him, blowing a few strands of green out of his eyes to see. “… I…” He looked back at the camera, seeing comments already start to pile in. “I was bein’… Abused by Ace and my friends saved me. I’m alright now, ‘e’s in jail… So, I… I’ll be makin’ actual videos very soon, I promise! For now, though… I’m really sorry, I’m not at top health, so there won’t be any games played fer a bit…”

Jack quickly gave a much softer version of his outro, before turning off the stream.

“You hungry, Jack? Why don’t we take you downstairs to get some breakfast?” Wade suggested.

Suddenly Mark was scooping him up off the couch as Ken and Wade both picked up the wheelchair.

A yell resounded through the house; “YA DON’T HAVE TO, I CAN STAY UPSTAIRS!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also fucking Shawn Mendes man.  
> Song Stitches reminds me of Jack, Treat You Better reminds me of Mark...  
> Damn.


	8. What's Fair?

Jack sat at the table in his wheelchair as Mark set a plate of warm poptarts in front of him. A big, toothy smile was directed to Mark as he spoke happily, “Ooh, yum! It’s fuckin’ cookie dough flavor!”

Mark chuckled as Jack dug in, shoving the warm, toasty breakfast into his mouth.

Jack really was rather adorable, especially in the mornings. Mark found himself wishing he could see Jack every morning like this, maybe even give him a quick kiss, tickle him… Mark had to force himself to stop thinking like that. Jack didn’t say yes, wasn’t ready…

The group had now spilled into the TV room.

Jack wheeled himself into the room as well, bringing a glass of orange juice.

Felix was looking through Jack’s Netflix, when both Jack and Mark yelled, “How I Met Your Mother!”

Jack drank his juice slowly, sipping at it carefully while he watched the season 7 episode. He remembered this one, his favorite part was when Ted said that while living alone, he could do something colossally stupid, and no one would know.

Ow…

Jack shut his eyes as he felt slight pain in his stomach, taking a soft half breath.

He wasn’t sure what it was, but he did know that he was suddenly nauseous… The glass dropped from his hand as he puked on the floor, tears in his eyes as he mumbled a few apologies, the others scrambling to help.

“It’s nothing to be sorry about, you’re ok…” Mark muttered, running a hand down his back and cleaning up Jack’s face as Felix and Ken cleaned the vomit and Bob and Wade cleaned the juice.

Jack rested a hand on his stomach and grimaced. “I hate throwin’ up…” God, he completely hated it.

Mark stayed to soothe him until Jack felt good enough to move again. “Do you want me to get you a bucket?” Mark asked, but Jack just shook his head.

Jack mumbled that he wanted to take a bath, so Mark and Felix decided to carry him upstairs.

“How are we going to do this…?” Felix asked, looking between Jack, the bathroom, and Mark.

“… Can ya help me, Felix?”

Mark looked slightly hurt, causing Jack to look down and mumble a slight apology.

“No, no, it’s fine. I get it.” Mark spoke, pointedly and bluntly, before going down the steps.

Jack did much of the work himself, just getting help to get in and out the tub, get dressed, and get back down the stairs.

Felix finally set Jack down on the couch across the wall in the TV room.

Jack layed on the couch and looked over at the other couch, the one pointed toward the TV, and the recliner.

Mark immediately got off the recliner and sat on the floor next to Jack, running a hand through Jack’s wet hair.

Felix sighed and went to sit in the recliner, turning the volume on the show down a bit.

“Maybe we should take you back to the hospital…” Mark suggested softly.

Jack gave a small shake of his head. “’m fine…” He tried tiredly.

Mark looked worriedly at the Irishman laying on the sofa, biting the inside of his cheek. Maybe he was just a bit sick… It couldn’t be that bad, it’s not like Ace could’ve done something to cause this… Right?

“Could I have a ginger ale?” Jack asked, voice a bit strained.

Ken, Wade, Bob, and Mark all quickly went to get up, before Felix motioned for them to sit down as he rushed for the kitchen.

He came back with a can of ginger ale and sat next to Mark on the floor, letting Mark open the can as he rested the back of his hand on Jack’s forehead.

“… you feel  a bit warm… Might have a fever…”

Jack curled up a little and sipped at the ginger ale, letting Mark continue to card his fingers through Jack’s hair.

“What do you think’s wrong?” Wade asked.

“I don’t know; he seemed fine earlier…” Ken whispered back, watching Jack carefully.

Jack’s eyes were drooping lazily, so Felix took the can away from Jack and put it on the coffee table.

Jack fell asleep rather quickly, breathing softly and slowly.

Mark stood and stretched, sighing softly.

“We should get him back to the hospital, even if he doesn’t want to.” Ken suggested.

“Jack would be really pissed off…” Mark’s voice was mumbled, looking down.

“Better pissed than dead…”

Jack’s breathing suddenly hitched, his muscles twitching and eyes scrunching up.

“Nightmare… Are we supposed to wake him?” Felix asked.

Jack gave an awful, heartwenching, pitiful noise, hand curling around the cushion underneath him. “N-No…”

Bob looked away at the sound, wincing slightly.

“P-Please… G-Geddof….”

Mark grit his teeth and sat down, glancing away.

“I-It hurts…” Jack curled in on himself, tears springing in his squeezed shut eyes. He was shaking, almost about to lash out. “S-Stop… S-Savin’ m’self fer… Special… No!”

Mark shook his head and shook Jack to softly try to wake him up.

Jack jumped back and looked up at Mark with wide, tear filled eyes. His chest quaked, eyes not fully aware. He started to fully wake up, breathing calming down slightly. “W-What… I’m sorry…”

Ken shook his head as he stood. “No need. But… I think we should get you back to the hospital.”

Jack frowned and was about to protest when Mark ran a hand down his back. “Please?”

“I can’t believe just saying please got him to agree.” Felix said in awe as Wade wheeled Jack into the ER room.

Maybe they were jumping the gun just cause he got a fever and threw up, but…

Ken murmured some things to the doctor on staff as Mark stayed behind with Felix.

“… Jack said I have a pretty good chance of being with him.” Mark finally murmured, sighing. It was the first time he had talked about it, and who better to talk with than Felix.

“He’s not ready for a relationship yet, don’t get sad that he doesn’t want to at the moment.” The Swedish man answered, but Mark only shook his head.

“No, I understand, that’s not why I’m saying that. I have a shot, it’s just… I’m worried that I’ll ruin it. Fuck, I’ve already messed up so much… Hell, he…”

Felix looked down for a moment. He was about to say something when…

“Get him in! How the FUCK did we miss this?!”

Both Felix and Mark snapped up to look.

Jack had puked again, but what was more important was the nurses were FREAKING OUT.

“I said get him in! Why th’ fuck would someone do that?!”

With that, Jack was gone.

Ken, Bob, Wade, Felix, and Mark were stuck out in the waiting room without a clue as to what the fuck was happening.

Mark sat on one of the waiting chair, leg bouncing impatiently up and down as he waited.

“Jack’s going to be ok…” He heard Bob say, distantly. Mark’s hearing was fading in and out, skin tingling and breathing constricting again.

He hadn’t had a panic or anxiety attack in awhile, but here he was, unable to gain control of himself.

“Mr. Fischbach…? Mr. Fischbach? Mr. Fischbach!”

Mark snapped to attention, hands shaking and eyes wide as he stared up at the nuse. He recognized her--- the one from the first time Mark and Felix came to the hospital.

“Wh- yes?”

The woman looked down and away before beckoning for Mark to follow.

Mark could barely stand, legs like jelly as he tried to follow, coming to a corridor away from people.

“Mr. Fischbach, we’re sorry we didn’t catch wha’ had happened when Mr. McLoughlin was here earlier…” She bit her lip, causing a pit to form in Mark’s stomach; dread.

“What’s wrong?”

Mark listened to her soft explanation seemingly through water.

He’d gone cold and he could barely hear, the coil of cold fear tightening around his stomach again.

He was waiting for it to explode, to numb him, to make him feel like he was dying.

As the nurse left him in shock, tears rolled down his cheeks…

It wasn’t fair.

How could Ace have done that to him…?

Jack had been through enough… Hadn’t he…?

Mark finally fell to the floor, sobbing as his breathing shuddered and grew labored.

He couldn’t handle this.


	9. That's Sick And Twisted...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yes instead of cancer, like in the original...

Jack had started vomiting blood.

Mark was sick to his own stomach as he thought about the reason why… How Ace had fucking forced him to eat razor blades because of the Skype call…

Because of Mark.

The blades had left small cuts along his insides, and a few of them had got infected…

Infection meant he could die.

It could affect his heart, could make him not be able to walk ever again…

Mark finally growled and pounded his fist into the wall, luckily not punching a hole into it. Angry tears streamed down his cheeks as he shook.

He had so much fucking faith that some being up there was watching over Jack, and this is what happened?!

Why didn’t Jack say that it had happened, when he was talking to the police or when Mark and Felix first came and he told them?

He went back into the waiting room when he finally had control of himself, legs still barely functional, to find that Felix was gone.

“What happened…?” Came Wade’s now quiet voice.

Mark sat down in the chairs opposite of them, still shaking a little. “… He has an infection… From something Ace did--- he… He f-fucking… Made Jack eat razor blades…”

The room seemed to grow colder.

Mark’s body felt numb, cold…

“… A-Are you shitting me…?” Ken asked, barely above a whisper. His voice was hoarse and cracked.

“No. God damn it, that fucking bastard… How could he do something so fucked up?!” Someone shushed Mark, but Mark didn’t really care.

Felix came back into the waiting room slowly, eyes half lidded. He was biting the inside of his lip, trying hard not to start shaking or getting too angry with no outlet.

“… They said it was caught early enough so they can try and take out the blades, but the damage… And some of the wounds got infected… Hell, there’s a chance it could affect his heart or make him not walk ever again… It could even affect his brain…” Felix’s voice was mumbled, strained.

Ken couldn’t help but flinch, hands curled into fists. This wasn’t right. “Fuck… Is he going to… How… I can’t do this…” He suddenly stood without warning and left the waiting room, wiping away tears before anyone could see them.

That fucking bastard…

Mark was shaking violently, tears streaming down his face. “Why the hell would…” His voice cracked.

“… It got aggravated. Cut up even more, and he was stressed out, which caused his whole body to just… Stop fighting infection.”

Mark swallowed, going pale as the rock of cold panic finally exploded again, making his skin prickly, vision tunnel, and breathing constrict again, even worse than before.

Bob immediately understood what was happening, snapping out of his chair quickly. “He’s having a panic attack!”

Mark’s breathing wasn’t enough. He felt light headed, like he was going to pass out or die.

Suddenly, he was able to inhale sharply, before giving a loud, heartbreaking, high pitched scream.

Jack awoke at the scream, snapping up. What the… He examined the room he was in, wincing and rubbing his face.

Damn, his head hurt like hell, and there was a pain in his stomach and chest…

Felix was coming into the room, slowly, mouth twisted into a frown.

“What was that noise…?” Jack asked softly in worry, eyes half open. Shadows painted underneath his eyes as he shook slightly, sweat causing the green tuft on his head to stick to his forehead.

“Mark. He was having a panic attack… He thinks you’re going to die.”

“I am though, aren’t I…?”

Felix snapped to attention when those words left Jack’s mouth. His eyes were blazing, instead of the usual bitter cold when he was angry.

“So I should love Mark right now before ‘a leave, right…? Or maybe I should make him leave me, hate me so it doesn’t hurt him as much when ‘a die…”

“YOU’RE NOT GOING TO DIE!”

Jack flinched and looked up at Felix with a dropped jaw, swallowing harshly. Talking about his death in such finality might have been a horrible thing for him to do, but he hadn’t expected…

“If you keep thinking like that you will! People care for you, and you’re hurting them by speaking like that!” Felix continued, starting to shake. Tears were streaming down the Swedish man’s cheeks, a sight that was so odd to Jack… “WE LOVE YOU! You are so important to us! Please, please… Please just… Just don’t say things like that…”

Jack licked his lips a little, looking down. He’d fucked up, he’d said the wrong thing and hurt Felix… It made him feel horrible… “I’m sorry.” He apologized, hands tightening around the blanket. He shouldn’t have said anything…

Felix cursed, shaking his head and wiping away his tears. “That wasn’t… That wasn’t the point… Look, just do whatever the fuck you want, ok Jack?! I can’t do this shit…” He left the room, making Jack’s mouth open.

“No, wait!” Jack tried to stop him, but Felix was already gone…

Jack looked down before his eyes shut again. He couldn’t do this… He couldn’t…

It wasn’t for awhile before his room filled again.

Felix sat sullenly in the corner, with Ken sitting beside him. Wade and Bob sat on the other side of the room.

Mark was beside Jack’s bed, a breaking smile set on his lips. His chocolate eyes were dull, barely alive but trying to be ok for Jack.

It was too much. Mark had lost too many people, first his father, then Daniel…

It wasn’t fair and it was just too fucking much…

He then licked his lips, before saying in a hushed and hoarse voice, “… I love you, Jack… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be saying it but I’m scared and I just…”

Jack froze, swallowing hard. He had 2 options, to say the truth, that he loved Mark back, he really did… Or make Mark want to leave, so it hurts him less.

Jack looked down into his lap, hands tightening around the blanket so tightly that it hurt. His eyes darkened and hooded, as he ignored the pain aching through his whole body. “… I don’t.”

Mark froze, expression turning even more broken. “W-What…?”

Felix snapped up, eyes sharp and cold. Jack had done it… He cursed and left the room, as quick as his legs could take him.

Jesus fucking Christ…

The other 3 followed, leaving Mark and Jack alone.

Jack’s fist somehow tightened even more, nails digging into his palms so harshly that blood started running down his hands.

“Y-You hear me… I h-hate you. J-Just leave me alone!” His voice cracked and broke, shaking as green landed in his eyes but he didn’t care, he couldn’t care about anything other than Mark, standing before him with his jaw dropped in disbelief and heart break…

“J-Jack, you don’t mean that… You’re lying, you can’t…”

“I HATE YOU! YOU’RE A FUCKIN’ BASTARD AND I NEVER WANT TA SEE YOU AGAIN!” Jack gave the finally yell, self hatred pooling in his lower abdomen. He didn’t mean it, he could never mean it.

But suddenly a sob rolled through Mark’s chest and the blue haired man was gone, running out the room frantically.

Jack watched him leave, pained expression on his face. What did he do…? But… But this was for the best.

It was for the best! So… Why did it hurt so fucking much…?

A figure appeared in the doorway, jolting Jack out of his thoughts.

It was Felix, arms crossed and eyes looking at the floor. A scowl was set on his lips, eyes bitterly cold and sharp. “Jack… Why did you do that?” His voice was shaky.

Jack released his hands, watching the blood coating his fingernails in mild horror. Horrified at himself, for being so cruel, for hurting himself like this…

“It’ll hurt him less when I die…”

Felix shook his head, tears finally breaking the dam and rushing down his cheeks again. “And when you live he’s going to hurt horribly! Don’t you know what you’re doing to him?! TO US?!”

Jack sobbed a little. “I-It’s fer the best. I-I never e-even des-served his love anyways!”

Felix cursed and rubbed at his puffy, red eyes, getting rid of his tears. “Look, I’ll be back in a little while. I just…” He turned and left again, barely containing a sob.

Jack shook a little, rubbing away his tears. He was ruining everything… This was all his fault… Why couldn’t he have refused to take the sick and fucked up ‘punishment’ Ace had cooked up? Why couldn’t he have listened all the way at the beginning, never even Skyped Mark when he was supposed to be recording…

Why couldn’t he have never met Ace…?

“… Your surgery is in three days.”

Jack looked up at Ken, who had an empty look on his face. It was a weird and awful sight, Jack feeling sick to his stomach.

“When you live… I’ll help you with Mark, ok?” He offered.

Jack looked back down, swallowing. “… _If_ I live…”


	10. Greens, and Pinks, and Blues, and Reds...

“You know, I don’t think that was enough. You’ve already shown that you’re not a good listener.” Ace’s voice was like a stab into Jack’s head, grinding against his ears like glass.

He could taste his own fear on his tongue, shuddering as Ace finished cracking open the new razor that he’d grabbed.

Jack felt fearful and pained tears drip down his cheeks fatly, sticking to his eyelashes.

He’d already been whipped, punched in his stomach till he puked, and raped, but this…

Jack hated this, green hair matted to his head from sweat, blue eyes dull, broken, dark…

“P-Please… I s-said I wa-as sorry… I-I’ll li-isten…” But he’d already promised during this, and Ace had said just the same as he said now…

“I don’t want sorry. I don’t want empty promises. I want a good fucking listener, I want someone that I can actually care for without him disappointing me.”

Jack didn’t fight back when Ace opened his mouth.

He couldn’t, not just because of the fear he felt, but also because he was too weak…

He flinched back and closed his mouth when Ace brought a blade close to his open mouth, though.

Anger flashed on Ace’s face before he backhanded Jack, hard. “You better fucking open your mouth right now, slut.”

Jack whimpered, righting himself before he shakily opened his mouth, hating this… Hating Ace, hating himself…

Ace placed one at the back of Jack’s throat, causing the Irishman to gag.

Two of Ace’s fingers hooked into Jack’s mouth, both to keep it open and to keep him right at the edge of almost throwing up but not quite.

“Woah, not yet, Sean.”

It was too personal, Ace calling him Sean.

Too close, too… Too much.

Ace added another one of the four blades, right next to the other, and another.

Jack continued to gag, never enough to puke but enough to keep him uncomfortable.

As the last one was added, he pushed them slowly back even farther.

Jack let out a small whine as it cut against the inside of his cheeks and his tongue. He swallowed as soon as Ace hooked his finger the correct way, causing the blades to slide down Jack’s throat.

Jack shrieked as pain suddenly burst in his throat, blood dripping down his chin.

He felt the pain turn into a dull ache, the blades had quickly found their way to his stomach.

Ace gently wiped away the blood from his chin, running his fingers through Jack’s hair.

“Now that wasn’t so bad, was it…?”

\----

Jack was alone in his hospital room.

Mark never did come back after the yelling.

Felix did, once. To come see if he was alright, see if maybe he was going to see the weight of his actions…

Jack hadn’t handled it correctly at all, and now Felix was staying in a hotel room with Mark.

“Hello, Sean. It’s…  Well, it’s time for surgery… Would you like me to call your friends?” The doctor asked gently as he came in.

Jack didn’t answer, just looked down at his lap with sorrowful expression, so the doctor made the man’s decision for him. There was a beat of silence, before, “Come on then, Jack. It’s time to get prepped for surgery.”

Mark looked dead on his feet. Pale, with shadows painted underneath his eyes… Unemotional.  He didn’t get much sleep after Jack… He gave a quick shake of his head, trying to push the thoughts out of his head. He shouldn’t be thinking about that.

But he couldn’t stop himself. He knew it had been his fault Jack had been hurt. His fault for the first time Ace had raped him, his fault for the razor blades, his fault for everything and it wasn’t fair…

But all Mark had done was try to help… He didn’t know what to do, or what was going through Jack’s head and he wished he did…

Felix looked up at the American and sighed. “Mark…” He spoke softly, hesitant about what he was going to say.

Mark jumped as his phone started ringing. He picked it up and listened, before slowly putting it down.

“… Jack is being taken in to surgery… We should go see him.” Mark said, determination in his voice.

Felix smiled softly and nodded, relaxing a tiny bit. Maybe it would just get better without him having to talk about it.

“But… He doesn’t want to see me…”

Felix scowled. It had been too good to be true. “Yes he does.” He finally admitted, sighing a bit.

Mark looked up, confused and a bit shocked. “… what?”

“He was lying because he thinks he’s going to die and he doesn’t want to hurt you when he does.” Felix explained, before wincing as Mark made an odd noise. “IF! He won’t die, Mark, he won’! Let’ go see him, ok?”

Jack was under WAY to many drugs to realize what was happening as his operation was done and he was wheeled back to his room.

“Mark~!” He said, loopy. There was a sort of loving tone to his voice.

Felix was talking with the doctor outside in the hallway, so Jack hadn’t seen him yet, but Jack was already searching for him.

“Jack?” Mark cocked his head a little. “Jeeze, you’re on a lot of drugs…”

Jack giggled, eyes wide and slightly glassy. “Aww, Markimoo~! I love you!” He cried, trying to keep his face pointed to Mark, though he had a hard time keeping his neck in place.

Mark blushed a little, glancing away a moment before rushing a hand through his blue faux hawk. “Jack, maybe you should calm down… Last time I was here you said you hated me.”

Jack waved him off, head lolling to the side. “I was lyin’! I jus’ wanted ta make sure ya didn’t miss me to much when I died.” He suddenly inhaled and sat up, eyes wide. Slight fear washed over his face. “I’m dead, aren’t I…?”

Before Mark could tell him that he was, in fact, ALIVE, Jack went forward and kissed the man feverently. Felix came in just in time to see it, snorting. “’re ya a dream o’ mine, then? Am I in heaven? Then where’s Marzia with th’ baby so I can hold them?” A grin replaced the fear, glassy eyes wide again.

Felix sighed, walking forward and softly pushing Jack down. “Just get some sleep, ok?” He said gently.

Mark was blushing hard, looking at Jack in shock. “I’ll stay here and wait for him to ‘wake up’.” He mumbled.

Felix bit his lip, looking away and giving a small nod. “I’ll move our stuff back into Jack’s house?”

Mark nodded and watched as the Swedish man left, watching him look back a moment before running off.

Mark stayed behind, watching over Jack. Mark rubbed his thumb over Jack’s hand as he started to fall asleep.

“Jack… You’re alive. And you’ll hurt a lot, mentally and physically, but I’ll be here to care for you. Hey, I love you.” Mark reached down and kissed Jack’s forehead. Mark wanted to apologize for it immediately, knowing he was being pushy, but…

Jack cast his eyes toward Mark, before admitting, “Yer th’ love of m’ life, Mark…”

He fell asleep right after saying that.

Mark’s jaw dropped a little. “… You’re the love of my life too, Jack…” He whispered, tears in his eyes.

Felix was tired. He wasn’t as happy as he should be. Jack was alive, but… He unlocked Jack’s door with the spare key before hiding it again. “Ken!”

“I’m over here!” The American’s voice was muffle. Ken was in the TV room, TV at a low hum. Ken sat up, looking over at the Swede hopefully. “So?”

“… He was fine…” Felix glanced away, licking at his lips. He hated having been told… “He survived, he was on a shit ton of drugs, and he said some stuff to Mark, including kiss him, so I think their relationship is ok…” Felix sat down, watching the floor. “The doctor said… When he wakes up, the infection… His brain… Combined with the surgery and stressful trauma… They said after he wakes up, when the drugs wear off… He won’t remember anything…”

Ken snapped up at that, eyes wide. “What…? That- fuck, that’s not-!”

Jack awoke slowly, wincing in pain. Damn, his whole body ached. He wondered why, he felt drugs in his system. What happened to make him hurt so much?

He looked over to see a man laying his head on the bed. Jack debated with himself on whether or not to wake the man, before he started looking around the room.

It was a lovely hospital room, if not a little… blank. He sort of wished he could change the colors, maybe to… Green and pink! Blues and reds had to be there too…

Jack shook his head a bit as suddenly bright green was in face. He reached up and felt the soft hair on his head. Green hair…?

He finally looked back to the American beside him, looking at the blue haired man with a scrutinizing look.

Jack softly woke the other man up, who lifted his head slowly.

Jack watched chocolate eyes blink up at him blearily, stretching to get feeling back into his body before giving a small yawn.

Jack tilted his head, watching the stranger for a few moments, licking his lips a little. “… W-Who are ya? Uh, who am I?”


	11. Dependent

Jack watched the 3 men in his room, confusion splattered across his face. “… So my name is Sean, but it’s also Jack?”

The one who said his name was Felix gave a nod. “Your mom called you that while growing up, and now you go by it with everyone.”

The Irishman pulled the hospital blanket hands bunching the fabric tightly. He glanced away, slightly pale and nervous, licking his lips slowly. “What the hell happened? I don’t remember anything…” He spoke quietly, teeth going to sink into his lip. He looked up at them, eyes shining oddly.

Waiting.

Felix looked between Ken and Mark, unsure what to tell Jack. It might be too much for him, might…

Mark finally stepped forward, hands shoved in his pockets and glancing every which way. “You… You were in an abusive relationship… A-And the guy you were with did a fucked up thing, and you got amnesia…”

Jack watched him, swallowing. “… I... I knew my name, or at least m’ fake name, Jack, but… I don’t know anythin’ else… Who am I?”

Mark quickly took out his phone and found one of Jack’s videos with green hair.

“This is you.” He said, handing the phone to Jack and showing him the video of Jack playing Berlin ’82.

Jack watched it silently, carding his fingers through his hair. Green, just like the man in the video…

“That’s me?” He asked quietly, looking up to see the three other men nodding their heads. “And… You guys are my friends?” Another nod.

Jack let go of the blanket, stretching out his hands. “An’… Who, uh… Who abused me?” It was a shaky question, one that he didn’t necessarily want an answer too but knew he needed it.

Mark’s fist tightened. “His name is Ace…” He managed to grit out, shoving his hand into his pocket to try and distract himself by messing with the fabric of his jeans.

Ken looked to him, frowning before he put a comforting hand on his shoulder. “But he’s in jail, Jack. You’ll never have to see him, ever again. Hopefully you’ll completely forget him.”

Jack nodded slowly, glancing to the side and licking his lips. “Will… Will I be able ta get out of here to my home soon?” He asked, hesitating. His voice was strained.

“Soon. They said you’ll be able to be discharged in about 10 days.” Ken answered, patting Mark’s shoulder before dropping his hand.

“But you need to start getting up and about now.” Mark said softly as a nurse walked in, calmed and nervous.

Jack looked up at the nurse, biting his cheek.

“I’ll be helping you today, sir.”

“Can Mark help me walk?”

Mark froze, staring at the Irishman in shock. Almond eyes blinked in surprise, before he swallowed. “You want me to…?” He trailed off, surprise coating his voice.

Jack nodded slowly, smiling up at the American. He felt happiness radiating from Mark, like his memories of Mark were mostly happy. But…

Mark went forward and started to help him out the bed, hands gently pulling him from the swirl of sheets.

Jack allowed the help, leaning into him a bit for stability. His heart seemed to leap into his throat suddenly at Mark’s words.

“Come on baby; let’s take a few steps…”

Jack looked up at Mark, shaking lightly. He didn’t like that, didn’t like being called baby, but he didn’t exactly want to say anything… It might’ve been wrong of him not to like it. Maybe he did like it, but right now he couldn’t remember. “O-Ok…” He finally mumbled, walking a few steps with Mark before he forced them to stop.

Felix smiled softly at the amnesiac, causing Jack to relax a bit. The Swede went forward to help Jack back into the bed, in a way that Jack had found he was comfortable with.

“Thank you…” Jack murmured as he got back underneath the blanket, small fists bunching up the fabric and pulling it close.

“You’re welcome, Jack…”

Mark was suddenly there, hugging Jack softly.

Jack found it comforting and too much at the same time. It made him feel warm and safe…

… But he wasn’t sure why he was afraid.

This went on for the duration of Jack’s hospital stay.

Mark acted as if he needed to take care of Jack, like they were lovers… like Jack was the only thing he needed to worry about. It was amazing, wonderful, and Mark was happy like this. Though he was pretty much depressed about the fact that Jack couldn’t remember anything, life at the moment was… beautiful.

Jack, however, wasn’t happy with it at all. Not being able to remember anything, slightly uncomfortable when Mark called him things like baby, honey, and sweetie… But he did feel like there was more to what happened with Ace and everything he was being told… Why were they keeping him in the dark?

Matthias hugged his wife close, sighing a bit. “I’ll be back, it’s just, I heard what happened to Jack and he’s my friend…”

Amanda nodded, smiling at him. “Of course. Be back soon.”

Matthias boarded his plane, leaning back and biting the inside of his cheek. He’d never actually met Jack in real life before, but… Fuck, how could Jack have been in an abusive relationship…?

How could he have lost all his memories? It was so fucking weird, not seeing Jack’s videos in his feed… Mark and Felix had started uploading videos again, so that was something. Definitely not as much as before.

A video a day from Mark, whenever he got around to it, and a video every two days from Felix…

Jack, however, only had some videos of him apologizing about his amnesia and that he didn’t actually remember the channel…

Matt sighed and rubbed his face hard. He should have seen the fucking signs of the abuse… But he noticed nothing.

Actually, wait… There was always-! Oh. OH. Matt cursed and slapped his thigh. Jack had shown all the signs, and he hadn’t noticed!

The way he was always tired, how he had started getting pale and slightly thinner, how he had suddenly started to have some sort of inferiority complex and talked to his friends less and less…

And Matt hadn’t done a goddamn thing…

He leaned forward and shook a little. How could he have let this happen…? How could Matt had discounted the bruises all because Jack had a half-baked excuse every time, that rarely ever made sense?!

Matt exhaled and turned on his music, shaking his head. This was all his fault…

Mark had asked Felix and Ken to pick Matthias up from the airport, so that was where they were headed.

Matthias greeted them as warmly as he could with the thoughts going on in his head and how he’d never really met the other two.

“So, Jack’s still in the hospital?” He asked.

“Yeah, but he’s supposed to be out soon, tomorrow I think.” Felix answered as he helped put Matt’s stuff in the trunk of the rental car.

Ken turned on the car and started to drive back to Jack’s house to drop off Matt’s stud, then back to the hospital.

When they got there, Mark was asleep. His head rested on Jack’s bed, the smaller man carding his fingers through scarlet hair.

“He’s asleep… Mark’s a bit dependent, isn’t he?”

Felix sighed, shrugging. “Really dependent on you, Jack.”


	12. Pent Up

Jack was back in the wheel chair again. Matthias offered to push him and Jack allowed it, not exactly wanting Mark to, if only for the uncomfortable feeling he had around the loving man. He hated that he felt that way, when Mark had just wanted to help.

Jack was ok with love, he guessed… And really, Mark didn’t seem like a bad man! But… he wasn’t with Mark. Mark was acting like they were together, and not only did Jack not even remember him well, it was too much too fast. Jack remembered playing games with Mark, remembered traveling to LA once… even though he also remembered a sort of pain that had come from it.

Ace, no doubt. The abuse he suffered was hazy as well, but he remembered bits and pieces.

Mark didn’t even realize he was making Jack uncomfortable, but Felix was starting to, and Matthias could almost immediately tell, which was why he had offered.

Jack relaxed a little when they got to his house, letting Matt wheel him into the kitchen. “Are you hungry?”

Jack glanced away, licking his lips in thought. He didn’t like eating very much, but his stomach growled. So, hesitatingly, he mumbled, “… A little bit…”

Automatically, Mark was off getting food.

Felix sighed and wheeled Jack to the living room, picking him up and setting him on the couch. “… Mark is making you uncomfortable, isn’t he?”

Jack looked up at the other, swallowing. He didn’t want to be mean or anything, but… He gave a tiny, slow nod.

“He doesn’t even realize it… You should tell him.”

Jack’s eyes widened and he shook his head vehemently. “I want ‘im ta be happy… D-Damn it, he cares so much an’ I don’t want… He loves me, ye? Well, do I love him back? Am I supposed to?”

Felix sighed, scratching the back of his neck. He didn’t know how to respond, before… “I can’t tell you how you feel. You… You tell me.”

Jack hesitated, glancing up at Ken and Matthias, before looking over to Mark in the kitchen. “… I don’t know…”

Mark had called up Bob and Wade and told them they could come back and that it had gotten better. He finished up the call, shoving his phone into his pocket. He finished with the bowl of frozen fruit and whipped cream for Jack to eat, taking the bowl and a spoon out to Jack.

Ken sighed, startling Mark as he rested a hand on his shoulder. He quickly led Mark back into the kitchen. “Mark… You’re making Jack uncomfortable… You have to back off.”

Mark looked up at him and blinked in surprise. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise, but… “W-What?”

“Look, you’re acting like he’s your boyfriend, and you know very well that he isn’t. You didn’t ask him, he didn’t give consent for this.” Ken scolded quietly.

Mark shook his head, grimace on his lips. He felt sick, thinking about how Ace had probably never asked consent for anything with Jack… Fuck, fuck… “K-Ken, I didn’t realize…”

Ken cut him off. “No, you didn’t. You were taking advantage of him while he couldn’t remember. You have to go apologize to him…”

Mark nodded slowly, taking off his glasses and rubbing his face. He quickly went back to the other room, swallowing as he stared at Jack. Apologies swam around his head, self hatred pooling deep in his stomach. “Jack…”

The smaller man looked up at Mark, cocking his head. “Y-Ye, Mark?” He asked, with his blue eyes wide and filled with confusion. Jack looked… almost afraid.

Mark hated it, sick to his stomach. “I’m… I’m so fucking sorry, Jack. I’ve been making you uncomfortable and I’m sorry. You don’t know me anymore, you don’t remember, and I’ve been taking advantage of that and I’m sorry.” A shaky breath broke his words, chocolate eyes glancing around. “I didn’t mean to do it but I did… Look, Jack, I’ve loved you for a long time and you were finally… I just… I’m sorry.” He turned swiftly, before darting out the room and running up the stairs to the room he was sleeping in.

Jack looked concerned, then cast his eyes over at his other friends. “I… did I do something wrong…?” Matt sat down and wrapped an arm around Jack.

“It’s okay; he just needs some time to relax…”

Jack sighed, nodding slowly before hugging onto Matthias. “… Mark said that Ace was in jail… What did he do to me?” The question hung in the air and made it hard to breathe.

Felix and Ken glanced to each other. That was a dangerous thing to talk about while Jack was still fragile…

“I don’t think you want to know…” Matt ran his hand through Jack’s hair and gently kissed his forehead. “That was in the past and… you’re fine, safe, so no need to worry about him.”

Jack smiled up at Matt, eyes shining in an odd way…

“… Oh no…” Ken breathed, eyes wide.

That wasn’t good.

“Matt, would you come here a moment?” Felix asked, and the other followed him into the kitchen.

“Jack is starting to… Like you.” Felix ran a hand through his hair, sighing a bit. This was bad…

Matt’s eyes widened. “Like… That? But I have Amanda, and Mark-!”

Felix held up his hands. “Don’t worry, once he gets his memory back I’m sure it’ll be fixed, and he won’t even like you like that… but maybe you should…”

“Back off a little?”

Felix nodded in response, relaxing a bit.

Matt sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets. “If I came between Jack and Mark I would feel awful. I’ll make some food then we can get Jack upstairs to sleep?”

Felix nodded, and as he left, Matthias heard him say, “And this time we won’t have Bob ‘supervising’…”

Wade hung up when Mark said bye, tiredly shoving the phone into his pocket.

Bob and him were needed again, especially now that Mark had accidentally taken advantage of an amnesiac Jack…

“You ready to go now?”He asked, turning to Bob.

Bob looked up from his book and nodded. “Let’s say bye to Aaron and get to our flight.”

Jack ate slowly, mostly just watching the others eat. He looked up at Matt, then to Mark, Felix, and Ken.

“… The burgers ‘re good…” He spoke, smiling softly.

He was in the wheel chair again, at the table. While he could walk, he couldn’t for very long. A few steps and he was already noticeably tired. At least he was still trying.

Jack yawned and put the last bit of the burger.

“Full?” Matt and Mark spoke at the same time, causing Jack to freeze.

He glanced between them, before nodding slowly and blushing lightly as he glanced up at Matt, who was still wincing from Felix’s look.

Mark noticed the blush, blinking in surprise and looking between Jack and Matt. He bit his lip and leaned back, tears welling up in his eyes. He tried to force them back, but…

Felix put a hand on Mark’s shoulder, startling him.”It’s alright…”

After dinner, Felix was back to carrying Jack up the stairs as the others brought the wheelchair.

Jack was much calmer than before, so they got him up with barely any problems.

Felix tucked him in, frowning a bit as he watched the green haired man stare up at him with barely veiled confusion… “I’m sorry, Jack. I wish you could remember everything…”

After Jack was put to bed, they all went back downstairs.

Mark whirled on Matt. “… What the hell was that?!”

“He just has a crush on me, when he gets his memory back-!” Matthias tried to explain, getting cut off by a knock at the door.

“Hhh… That must be Bob and Wade…” Mark muttered, giving Matt a small glare before going over to open the door for his and Jack’s other friends.

“Hey Mark, what’s…. wrong?” Wade asked, cocking his head a little.

Mark shook his head and started up the stairs. “Nothing, I-!”

He was cut off by his phone ringing.

He quickly pulled it out, furrowing his eyebrows at the number. He didn’t recognize it…

“Who is it?” Felix asked, looking a bit worried as Mark shrugged and took the call.

The color drained from Mark’s face, hand starting to shake so badly he dropped the phone.

Ace finished administering the drug into his system, pulling out the needle and tossing it to the ground haphazardly. He took a shaky exhale and rubbed his face with his hand.

Without Jack, he was pent up, and drugs were only filling the void so much… He needed a punching bag, he needed something to break… Fuck, he wanted Jack, needed to make him scream.

It hadn’t been long since he escaped from the prison. The place he was holed up now was familiar, memories of pushing Jack against the wall and the first time they had sex…

Shit, Ace had to stop thinking like that or he’d be even worse… He sat up and rushed a hand through his hair.

It was no doubt that the fucking police had told them that he was out by now… He couldn’t just drop in…

He’d have to wait.

But soon, he would need it…

 


	13. Won't You Spare Me Over Till Another Day?

It had been 2 months.

Mark had been pretty distant in the beginning, talking less, sitting huddle in the corner of the couch, staying in the recording room the rest of the time…

It was rather worrying.

Jack had clung to Matt for most of the time, until about a week and a half, when he started recording himself. His memories were coming back slowly, enough to remember Matt wasn’t the one for him.

Matt was able to breathe easier once Jack had realized it.

Jack’s memories were still fuzzy. He couldn’t remember barely anything about Ace, couldn’t remember everything about his childhood, couldn’t remember key conversations…

And then _it_ happened. Mark had been back to huddled away, silently editing videos to upload, when Jack uncharacteristically dethatched himself from his new ‘buddy’, Felix, and went up to see him.

Jack had been close to Felix since his memories started coming back, mostly because Jack saw him as his best friend, brother even…

Jack stayed away from Mark for a few seconds, before stepping toward the American and hugging him.

Mark stiffened in surprise, swallowing harshly. He glanced up with wide chocolate eyes, clashing with sky blue ones.

“… Mark…”

“Jack…?”

“I made you promise me something… At PAX East… An’ that was a mistake, wasn’t it? This wouldn’t have happened if…”

Mark stood, shaking his head. He hugged Jack back, smiling softly as Jack relaxed in his hold.

“Your memory…”

“It’s fuzzy, but I’m rememberin’ much more. I started remembering bits an’ pieces back when ya showed me the video of… Well, me. An’ I remembered… Our conversation, fer 3 hours we talked, after we first played together. When we first met. Mark… I remember sayin’ I love you. And… I wanted ta thank you for… Being here whit me. I want ta thank you fer making me happy. And I got uncomfortable because I was used to people… hurtin’ me. I was scared I’d screw up. I wasn’t ready fer th’ happiness that you were promising… I wanted love but I d-didn’t want ta screw up and I didn’t want ya to say you loved me or that I was amazing because I’m not…”

Tears were streaming down his cheeks, blue eyes scrunched up as he tried to contain sobs.

Mark pulled him close, swallowing hard. He rested his face in Jack’s green hair, tears in his eyes too. “I’m sorry… I never wanted to make you uncomfortable; I just wanted to make you happy… I was so happy talking to you all the time and I wanted you as happy as I was whenever I talked to you… Damn it Jack, I went about it the wrong way but you gotta know I love you.”

“Mark…”

Mark let go of Jack, wiping at his eyes as he looked up at Felix, who had appeared in the doorway.

“His memory, it…”

Jack immediately let go of Mark and bounced up to Felix with a wide grin. “Marzia’s pregnant!” He chirped happily.

Felix blushed a little as Jack swayed back and forth, grinning widely, before… “A-An’…” His smile died away. “Ace… Y-You said…” His chest tightened, going pale.

“I said that he… broke out of jail…” Mark muttered, causing Jack to start shaking.

He fell to his knees, arms holding himself as he shook and sobbed.

Felix quickly knelt down in front of him. “It’s ok, bro; we’re going to protect you. He’s not getting you again. Not while I’m still alive and kicking.” Felix smiled at Jack, and Jack gave a shaky one back, nodding softly.

Felix thumbed away Jack’s tears, before suddenly Jack hugged him, tightly.

The Swede stiffened in surprise, before hugging the small Irishman back. Felix had always thought of Jack as a brother to him, and he was going to protect the younger man. Felix thought of Jack as his family, his best friend… He’d protect Jack with his life…

Ace kicked over the bag at his feet, sighing. He’d been able to somehow keep himself from going stir crazy without Jack for two whole months, stopping off in bars some nights and leaving broken people in his wake.

But his favorite was and would always be Jack.

He’d spent about 4 years with the other, and the small green haired man had become his addiction.

He needed Jack, needed to hear that same voice scream in agony, those blue eyes scrunch up with tears…

The warmth he felt when Jack was curled up next to him.

Ace wondered if he loved Jack.

Screwed up kind of love, where Ace enjoyed Jack’s pain and heartache, but love nonetheless.

Ace never wanted Jack to be hurt by any other person, but he couldn’t help the sick fascination he had with seeing Jack look completely and utterly broken…

At first it had been amazing.

Ace had felt warm next to Jack, something he’d never felt in his entire life. And then he was manipulating Jack into doing the things he wanted. Somehow, Jack had listened, until he had gone too far and Jack said no.

Ace had barely been able to keep his anger in.

But he had, letting it simmer inside him, until finally Jack had been too loud at dinner and Ace couldn’t control himself.

Choking Jack had been an experience.

It had caused his whole body to tingle, caused his breathing to stutter at the way Jack’s eyes seemed to roll back and his hands came up to try and get Ace’s hands off.

Ace had slammed him into the wall, before letting him go.

It had been the first time Ace had ever hurt anyone like that. And he found he enjoyed it.

He enjoyed the whimper of fear, the shuddered apology, the tears falling down his cheeks…

Ace had stopped apologizing after awhile.

At first, he’d meant it. Ace didn’t understand what had come over him, until the second time. The third. The fourth.

The more he hurt Jack, the more he understood that it was just the kind of person he was.

The thought of hurting someone was enough to make him tingle, enough to give him a certain sense of pleasure.

The thought of hurting Jack, however, was even better.

“It’s tomorrow; I’m not a fucking wuss…” But he couldn’t really get him now in broad daylight.

There were six other men in his house… Ace’s fucking house, he’d done a lot to get Jack to allow him to live there…

He had to wait for night, so he could just take Jack and _not_ have to kill anyone. Just in case…

He holstered a pistol into his belt and looked to the time.

Just a few more hours…

The nightmares had started.

Jack was shaking from barely suppressed sobs, hushed and barely heard.

Jack had asked Felix in his room when it was time to sleep. Felix was, to say the least, surprised. He would have expected Mark, seeing as how Jack had remembered it.

Either way, Felix had agreed. He was sitting in the room as Jack slept, quickly going to kneel next to his bed.

Jack was kicking at the wall, the sobs making his lungs pound against his chest to the point that Felix thought he was going to choke and stop breathing.

Felix tried desperately to shush him, wake him up and make him feel safe.

This was the worst he’d ever seen the other…

“He’s not going to wake up that easily.”

Felix’s blood ran cold as he froze, turning slowly to see… Ace.

He swallowed, shakily reaching over to grab the bat he’d had just in case this very thing happened.

Suddenly Ace had the pistol out and shot.

The bat plummeted to the ground as Felix froze, feeling the pain. He was alive, thankfully…

He tried to stand, legs quaking.

And then another bang.

Felix fell, head cracking against the cold wooden floor.

Jack gave a shriek, small hands gripping the bed tightly.

He’d woken up after the first shot, watching in horror as Ace stepped over Felix’s limp body, grabbing Jack by his throat.

“I heard you don’t remember everything. I’ll help you with that.”

The lights were bright.

Movement?

He was on a bed… Pain… Blood, blood everywhere… He saw tweezers, doctors, nurses, 2 bullets…

“He was lucky. None of them nicked any internal organs and his bones didn’t crack. They both were lodged between ribs. It was mostly blood loss we were worried about, but he’s left critical condition. He’ll be alright.”

Felix glanced up with cloudy blue eyes as a nurse spoke to the group, barely drying tears still edging at his eyes.

Ken looked up. “H-Hey, Felix… you’re ok.” He tried to smile, but it came out as more of a pained grimace.

Felix watched him a moment in confusion, before he gasped and shot up.

“Please, sir, no sudden or strenuous movements! You’ll rip your stitches.” The nurse chided him, gently pushing him back onto the bed.

“Jack! But what about Ja-…” Felix’s voice died away as suddenly no one was looking at him.

The tears suddenly dripped down his cheeks as he realized what that meant. “I-I couldn’t… I was… and Ace…”

Mark looked up at the other. “It’s alright… we’re going to get him back. For good. I promise.”

Mark held out his arms, and Felix nodded.

They hugged, and cried.

Yes, Jack was friends with everyone in the room, minus the nurse, but he was closest to Felix and Mark. While everyone was hurting, they were hurting the most…

Jack whimpered a little and opened his eyes, vision swimming. “… Fuck…” He muttered, wincing. Pain throbbed through his head, breathing shuddering through his lungs.

“Such horrible language…”

Jack glanced up at Ace, squinting up at the blonde. “… What th’ hell d-do you want?”

Jack flinched as Ace glared at him for his words, inhaling sharply as Ace’s hand gently cupped his cheek, in direct contrast to the anger Jack found in Ace’s eyes.

“Don’t be rude, Jack. I thought I taught you better than that… Well, I guess it’s not all your fault. You did go through amnesia. It just means you need a new lesson.”

Jack cowered as Ace’s hand released his face, before rearing back. He backhanded Jack, hard, and the Irishman gave a shriek of pain, blood spilling from his nose.

“… F-Fuck you… I’m n-not y-yer pet a-a-anymore…” Jack cursed him, shaking. He couldn’t look at Ace, fear in his voice. His memory was still fuzzy, but he remembered some of Ace.

He just forgot the worst part…

Ace kicked over the chair Jack was on and started to untie him.

“Jack, no matter how much you think you’ve gotten away, no matter how hard you try and fight me, you’ll always me mine.”

Jack screamed as Ace started to take his clothes off.

Sobs rattled his chest as Ace’s hands ran across his body, causing him to jolt and shudder. He felt disgusting as the other practically ripped off his pajama pants.

“Please, p-please, no-o, sto-o-op…!”

Ace gave a shuddering sigh, grinning up at Jack. “Keep begging. It’ll just make this better for me.”

“No!” Felix shot up, breathing erratically.

“Felix… Stop doing that, you’re going to rip your stitched…” Ken muttered in his sleep.

Mark looked up tiredly, pushing scarlet out of his eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“Why are you just sitting here? We have to find Jack…”

Mark sat up, groaning in pain as his back popped and his limbs righted.

“The police are on it…”

Felix shook his head hard. “They aren’t going to find him… We need to… There must be clues as to where, right? Something Jack owns that’s out of the way? Out in the woods or…”

Mark quickly jumped to his feet, eyes wide. “D-Damn. I know where they are. I have to…” He quickly pulled out his phone and started out the door.

“Wait! Where are they?” Felix called after him, before cursing his inability to come with.


	14. Hazey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A tiny bit graphic near the beginning, sorry.

PT was going to cause nightmares.

Jack could still remember the sounds of the decapitation, the bathroom…

Jack didn’t necessarily want to sleep alone, but sleeping in the same bed as Ace wouldn’t be much better. He already had nightmares about Ace as well.

But… goddamn it...

“Hey, Jack? You done recording?”

The Irishman looked up at the blonde haired, blue eyed Australian he’d been dating for about a year now.

He was uncomfortable and afraid these days, now that the other had suddenly become violent… Hated skirting around like he was walking on eggshells…

 Jack nodded, giving a soft smile. If Ace was happy, so was he.

It meant unless he screwed up, nothing bad was going to happen.

“Yeah! It was fuckin’ scary, though… Jesus, some of muh worst fears and I think I’mma get nightmares…”

Ace got a fake worried look on his face suddenly, straightening to walk over to Jacks side of the counter.

Jack was still living in the cabin, and Ace was staying over for a bit. Thankfully, never over the night, but…

Jack didn’t like being near the other as much as he used to. He didn’t hate Ace; he hated himself for not listening to the rules.

But even if he blamed himself for annoying Ace and not listening to the rules… He looked to the floor, biting the inside of his lip as Ace cupped his face.

“Hey, look at me babe…”

Jack’s eyes flicked back up to meet with Ace’s, the ocean of dark blue seeming to swallow him up.

Jack felt small and insignificant when he looked into Ace’s eyes now.

Back then when they first met, he used to get lost in them… But now, he felt like nothing.

“Do you need me here to chase away those nightmares?”

Jack’s eyes flicked away again. He hesitated, unsure how to answer. Part of him wanted to say yes, but the majority of himself wanted to say no.

“I-I think I’ll manage.”

Ace tilted his head, staring down at Jack with those piercing, deep, dark eyes.

Jack swallowed.

“What’s wrong, Jackaboy? Worried about embarrassing yourself in front of me? Or what? Are you scared of me, Sean?”

Jack froze, eyes widening in surprise. He reached up shaky hands to touch Ace’s.

“P-Please… Don’t call me Sean…”

It was too personal, made him feel sick when Ace called him that. It was the first time Ace had done it, but Jack already could tell he hated it.

Anger flashed on Ace’s face, causing Jack to flinch.

“Are you giving me attitude?”

“Atti-?”

“Sean, shut up.”

Ace suddenly kissed him, roughly, at a bruising force.

Jack whimpered. This was his least favorite part of dating Ace.

When it was good, it was great. Amazing even- Ace cared for him, played games with him, cooked for him sometimes…

But when it was bad, when Ace wanted…

Ace got what he wanted.

Jack had been happy that at least it hadn’t gone too far, just bruising kisses and being pulled way too close and touches that he didn’t want but…

Ace pulled back, smirking mere centimeters from Jack’s slightly puffy lips.

“I’ll stay with you tonight. Chase away those horrible nightmares.”

\----

The cabin had been in Jack’s nightmares for a long time.

Now it would just be his personal hell, as Ace broke him right there on the floor, fingers curled in the side of his mouth like he usually did.

Keeping him on the edge of throwing up, but never enough… even if just the thought of Ace doing it made Jack want to throw up.

It had hurt.

Ace had prepped him, yes, but he’d set a quick and brutal pace, to the point where it hadn’t mattered…

Jack shivered as he layed on the floor, eyes only half open. It was cold, and Jack already felt a fever coming on.

His clothes were in disarray, haphazardly thrown on when Ace had been done with him.

Done with him…

Jack felt like he was going to throw up, barely feeling the kick Ace placed on his side, barely feeling the whip from the belt.

He couldn’t be bothered to move, it wasn’t like he could do anything. Was that something Ace had done many times before…?

Jack wasn’t sure, and at the moment he couldn’t really think…

Everything was swimming, blood ran down his back, all over his thighs, and even on his chest. Everything hurt but Jack could barely feel it anymore.

He felt his eyes close, his breathing stutter.

His green hair had flecks of red in it, sweat making it stick to his forehead.

Suddenly he heard a fist meeting a face, and then the belt stopped.

It took a lot of willpower for Jack to crack his eyes open to look up at… Mark…

For a moment, it was like nothing bad had happened. Jack felt incredibly safe, small, pale hand coming up to grip Mark’s shirt as he quietly sobbed into Mark’s chest.

The man had picked him up, bridal style, and started out, leaving the unconscious Ace.

He set Jack in the passenger seat of the truck he was driving, draped him in a blanket, and called the police a second time.

Jack listened to his voice, not especially caring about what he was saying, just that his voice was resounding through his chest in a way that made him warmer than the heater Mark had turned on.

“M-M-Mark…”

Mark glanced at Jack before turning back to the road.

“Jack, just rest, you’ll be alright.” He muttered, though he looked a little angry and worried.

Jack stayed silent for a moment, pale fingers picking at his blood stained boxers. His heart throbbed against his ribs, breathing shuddering as he gave a large grimace, tears streaming down his cheeks. Gone were the pajama pants he’d been wearing…

“H-He di-id somethin’, Ma-ark…” He whimpered, hugging the blanked closer. It was the closest to a shock blanket he had at the moment, choking on his sobs.

Mark gripped the steering wheel tighter, grinding his teeth. “I’ll make sure he gets the death sentence, Jack. There’s no way he’s staying alive after abuse, breaking out of prison, kidnapping, torturing, r-r- you know… and attempted murder.”

Jack snapped to attention, eyes widening.”I-I fergot! Is Felix ok?!”

Mark gave a slow nod, before he took a turn. “Yeah, he was really lucky. Didn’t nick any organs…” He went silent for a moment, before his chocolate eyes flicked over a moment. “He’s worried about you.”

Jack gave a slow, shaky exhale, eyes still fixated on his lap. “I was worried about him…”

Mark gave a lick to his lips thoughtfully. “I know… How about we get you two in the same room?” His voice was soft as he suggested it, turning right.

Jack rested his head against the window, cool glass helping the heat that was radiating off of him.

The psychosomatic fever made him uncomfortable, trying desperately to leach the cool off of the glass.

He accepted his phone when Mark gave it to him, starting to flip through his music.

They were in his car? The one he was so sure was broken?

“My car doesn’t work… that’s why ‘a walk everywhere, I didn’t even use it much an’ I can’t afford to fix it ‘r get a new one…” Jack furrowed his eyebrows, maybe it was his memory?, as Luck by American Authors came on.

It didn’t fit the mood very well, but automatically Jack was rocking to the music.

“It was supposed to be a surprise. We payed to get it fixed a few days ago.”

Jack’s memory was still fuzzy… He didn’t remember much of the time Mark was talking about, especially with his fever and the trauma he’d just endured.

“Thank you…” He murmured as an Advertisement replaced his music- Pandora then?

Mark finally made it to the hospital, taking the phone gently from Jack’s hands.

A whimper escaped him, hands following the phone even if he no longer had it, like a child, before Mark gave it back with ear buds plugged in.

Jack quickly shoved them into his ears and held the phone close as Mark carried him to the hospital.

A few nurses flocked toward the pair, but as soon as Jack realized they were trying to take him away from Mark, he gave a blood curdling scream.

Mark jolted, eyes widening as Jack’s hand came back to bunch up Mark’s shirt, pulling himself closer to Mark and burying his face into Mark’s chest.

“No, no, I need him! He’s gonna keep me safe, I need him, d-don’t take me away! Mark, d-don’t le-e-t them!”

Mark swallowed, looking up from the panicking Jack to the 3 nurses who were standing in front of them.

The woman of the group bit the inside of her lip before nodding to the other two.

“… if you do exactly what I say and not panic at the sight of his wounds… alright. Just… stay back unless ‘a say you can help.”

Mark realized this was something special and not very many people were allowed, if any at all, so he nodded quickly and carried Jack to the temporary room they were supposed to check him over in before giving him a room.

Mark had already spoken to someone about getting Jack in the same room as Felix.

Mark watched as they slipped off his shirt, making Jack whine from both pain and having to turn off his music.

Mark swallowed painfully at the sight of the welts all over him, bruises, inflammations, hand prints, _god what the fuck did that monster do_ …?

The other two left after awhile of cleaning the cuts and scrapes to stop infection and rubbing cream on the welts.

The main nurse turned to Mark, pointing to the wall behind him. “Turn around, I’m going to perform a sexual assault forens-!”

“He already told me what happened, you don’t have to-!”

“How do we know it really happened?”

Mark froze, blinking at the nurse a moment. Was she… accusing Jack of lying…?

“Look… He still has slight amnesia, his memory… He may have just filled in the blanks himself.”

Mark glared harshly at the woman but turned, shutting his eyes tightly. This was one nurse he wanted to say shut up too…

“Oh god…”

Mark could have growled. He knew what that meant… it meant she found evidence. It meant that the bastard had broken Jack again…

Jack was prepped and Mark followed him into the room housing Felix. The fever had died down, thankfully… Jack was going to live.

Mark couldn’t help but hate himself for ever having that feeling that Jack could die.

Felix sat up carefully, still gauzed up. He didn’t want to rip his stitches… again. No matter how much he wanted to celebrate seeing his brother.

“H-Hey, Jack.” Felix smiled softly at the younger man, drugged up… Really drugged up.

“Felix…” Jack answered, sitting up slowly. “You alright?”

Felix whistled lightly, nodding. “They say… I was lucky to live… You ok?”

Jack hesitated a moment. Honestly, he wasn’t sure, but he knew it would help Felix if he said he was ok. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

Felix’s smile grew as he reached a fist toward Jack.

Jack couldn’t help a miniscule flinch, before he exhaled. Just a brofist, no need to think he’s be hurt… Jack pressed his knuckled softly to Felix’s, causing the drugged up Swede to start to giggle.

“M-Mark found you… that’s great…”

A soft smile found its way on Jack’s lips, even if he still felt hands on him, still felt pain…

Felix turned toward Jack. He stared at the Irishman for a moment, before whispering, “I love you, J-Jack… Like you were m-my brother… How about that? I took a bullet for you and I don’t regret it one bit.”

Jack furrowed his eyebrows, before he forced a smile. “Thank ya, Felix… I love you too. Brother.”

Felix burst into almost drunken sounding laughter, head tipping back as he grinned.

“Get some sleep you two. I’ll stay for you guys, ok?” Mark asked, finally sitting in the chair beside Jack’s bed and yawning.

“Where ‘re the others?” Jack asked, looking a bit worried about Mark. It was obvious Mark was exhausted, and while Jack was thankful for being saved, he felt horrible about how much hell Mark and Felix had both obviously been put through. He rested into the bed, eyes half open.

Felix sighed as he layed back too.

“At home, sleeping… they’ll be here in the morning, promise. Now get to sleep.”

Jack sighed and nodded, putting on his music again before curling into himself. He fell asleep to his music, chest rising and falling softly.

Felix drowsily got comfortable before quickly falling asleep.

Mark shook his head, trying to stay awake, before he heard a nurse come in.

“Would you like me to bring in another bed so you can sleep?”

Mark nodded his assent.

He pretty much passed out as soon as his head hit the pillow, the noise in the room hushing to only the sounds of the three men breathing and the rhythmic sound of heart monitors.

Everything was somehow peaceful.

Just not in Brighton, where a woman was packing and getting ready to come, rather worried and slightly angry…


	15. What's Wrong With Me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally in new territory instead of rewriting Save Me! God, I think this chapter was a bit choppy, sorry...

“Felix!”

Jack cracked open an eyes, sitting up. He heard… Marzia?

“Marzia?”

“Oh, Jack… How are you feeling?”

Marzia looked over at him with big, worried doe eyes. She already had a baby bump, which Jack’s eyes immediately darted towards.

“Did Felix tell you?”

“Yeah… I’m so happy fer you guys…”

Marzia huffed, before going forward to try and wake up her boyfriend.

Felix’s eyes cracked open. “Hmm…? Marzia…?”

“Yer in trouble~….” Jack sing songed, before turning over to try and wake Mark up.

“You didn’t tell me anything! I had to get a call from the hospital that you were in critical condition and you were shot… We’re going to have a baby, Felix! You can’t… You can’t do that to me…”

Felix sat up, looking down at his lap and sighing. “I’m sorry Marzia… I wasn’t thinking, I just… I was just so worried about Jack, and it wasn’t fair to you or the baby…”

Marzia stared at him for a long moment, before sighing and going forward to hug him.

“I love you, Felix…”

“… I love you too, Marzia. So much…”

Jack smiled a bit, finally able to wake Mark up.

Chocolate eyes watched Jack warmly, Mark’s head tilting to smile up at Jack. His scarlet hair fell into his eyes, reaching over to card his fingers through his green tuft.

“Morning, Jack…”

Jack sighed contentedly, blue eyes cracked open. He stared back at Mark, mumbling a good morning back.

“I’m getting Felix some coffee. Did you two need anything?” Marzia offered.

“That’s alright. I can come with if you want.” Mark answered, sitting up.

Jack watched Mark leave with her, before turning over and looking at Felix. It was a few moments before Felix spoke.

“Hey Jack… Are you ok?”

Jack froze, eyes blinking slowly. Was he ok? “… Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. I just… Felix, did he… Has he r-ra… Hurt me… s-sexually, like that, before?”

Felix froze, inhaling sharply. “He… God, you didn’t even remember… You could’ve gone years without knowing what he… Damn it…”

“S-So he did…”

Jack stared down at his lap, before a sob rolled through his chest. “Ace was r-right…”

Felix snapped to look over at Jack, eyes cold. “That horrible psycho never said a thing right. He’s fucked up and he lied all the time to you.”

“He said I was a slut. He said that me loving Mark while we were dating was wrong. A-An’ it was… I can’t date Mark… I-I’m a slut if I do…”

Felix looked down at Jack’s shaking hands, biting the inside of his cheek. “… Ace hurt you. You didn’t love him and you only stayed with him because you were afraid. You wanted someone that would make you happy. It makes sense that you fell in love with another person while with him.”

Jack swallowed, hugging himself. “… I just… What did I do wrong…? He used to be so loving a-an’carin’… What th’ hell did I do to make him…”

“Jack, stop…”

“What is wr-wrong with me?!”

“Jack!”

A flinch shook through Jack’s shoulders, breathing hitching.

“Ace said things too you because he wanted you to never leave him. He manipulated you and made you feel like nothing. Don’t think about what he says. There’s nothing wrong with you, he’s just a messed up person…”

Jack swallowed, looking away. “Mhm… Alright…”

It was obvious Jack didn’t believe him.

\----

A fist knocked into Jack’s cheek, causing his ears to start ringing.

His breathing hitched, a small cry expelling from his lungs.

“Shh, shh… Quiet, Sean. You’re ok…”

Jack let Ace cup his cheeks, thumbing away the tears that had sprung from his eyes.

“I-I’m… I’m sor-rry…” Jack mumbled, choking on his sobs.

“You never listen… You’re lucky I put up with you. If I didn’t, you’d be alone.”

His eyes darted down, giving a sob. “I… I know… I’m horrible… Nothing…”

“Exactly. You’re a horrible listener. You’re ugly, annoying, stupid, and pathetic. I don’t even know why I put up with you, but I do. “

“… Th-Then… Thank you fer puttin’ up with me…” Jack mumbled, another sob rolling through his chest.

He believed it.

Jack believed what Ace said, mumbling an apology.

“I-I’m sorry… I wish I was b-better, I wish I di-idn’t annoy you, I w-wish I was smarter…”

Even his fans had made him feel horribly stupid. He tried, he really did…

He just wanted to play a game for his fans and just because he couldn’t get the puzzles…

Jack hated himself, right then and there. He reached up to grasp at Ace’s shirt, wanting to bury his face into the other’s chest, just to try and combat the heartache…

Ace let go of his cheeks, shoving him forward. “Even after realizing how terrible you are, you try and get my love and pity. You’re lucky I’m not going to punish you for being that manipulative, to try and make me feel bad for you.”

“M-Manipulative…?” Jack asked, blinking up at Ace. He… He hadn’t meant to be manipulative…

“I’m s-sorry…”

“I don’t believe you. But it’s alright. Go off and record your stupid videos.”

Jack quickly rushed off to his room, rubbing away the rest of the tears in his eyes, whimpering as he touched the bruise.

He fell to the floor, back against the wall. He sobbed into his knees, shoulders shaking.

“I-I’m sor-rry… I’m sorry I’m s-so hor-rrible…”

\----

Mark helped Jack into his house, letting Jack try to walk in.

“Jack!”

Wade rushed forward, hugging the shorter man tightly.

Jack inhaled sharply, eyes wide, before they shut and he hugged back, happy tears filling his eyes.

“Thank you… Thank you fer being here… I’m sorry…”

Mark sat at the dinner table, hands on his face as he thought. “I don’t like having Jack here.”

Ken glanced up, raising an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

Mark was sitting talking with Ken, Bob, Matt, and Felix as Wade and Marzia made Jack more comfortable.

Mark turned, glancing at Jack as he laughed slightly, letting Marzia show him videos on her phone.

“You know what happened. Somehow, Ace escaped, broke Jack again… I don’t like having Jack in Ireland.”

Felix stiffened, blinking in surprise. “Wh- you can’t take him from here! Mark, I know… I know, I don’t want to have him here anymore either but this is his home and it’s not fucking fair to take him from it…”

“I’m not going to just steal him or force him… I’ll ask him, but… I can’t help but feel extremely afraid… Fuck, I thought he was going to die!” Mark cried, barely able to quell his new tears.

Jack glanced up, frowning. He didn’t know exactly what they were talking about, but…

“Mark… Fine. Ask him. But please don’t force him…” Matt mumbled, glancing away.

Mark nodded slowly.

And then he realized that they wouldn’t come with too live with the two.

If Mark brought Jack home, it would just be the two of them in his house.

Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, I was thinking about the razor blades that Ace... Anyways, its actually extremely lucky or, you know, plot that Jack survived cause it's a higher chance of getting lodged in your throat and you choking on your own blood than getting all the way to your stomach.  
> And there was four of them. Shit...


	16. Bit By Bit Part Of Me Dies

Jack owned his house.

He owned the land around it and while he payed electrical, water, and any other bills, it was _his_. There was no rent and there were no payments he owed to actually keep it.

He’d inherited it from his grandmother, which had been a horrible experience.

He remembered sitting there in her room, remembered her asking where he was… And he’d been sitting right there next to her…

Jack missed her.

And he loved his house.

There were houses close to him, people he was sure he annoyed when he yelled in his videos…

But even with all of that and bad memories he had because of Ace, he loved his house.

He loved his _home_.

And Mark wanted to take him to LA.

“I… It’s… unsafe here?”

Stupid question. Jack knew it was unsafe here, he’d felt the pain, he’d felt the fear, he’d put Felix in danger and brought fear for Marzia…

Jack sighed shakily, before shrugging. “Fuck, yer right. I’ll come ta LA whit you.”

Mark’s wide grin was worth it, almond eyes brightening happily.

Jack exhaled happily, giving a soft smile.

He hated himself for how warm he felt as Mark helped him pack up.

Jack hated himself when their hands accidentally met and he grinned wider.

Jack hated that they were able to cause each other to laugh as hard as they did.

Jack glanced at the date with a small sigh.

Mark had been staying with Jack for a little over 2 months now. He’d said he was alright with it, they all said they were.

But Jack felt horrible for keeping them from their homes so long.

8/4/16.

It was August already…

Jack cursed, rubbing his face tiredly.

It was even worse knowing that he’d been amnesiac for the bulk of the time, and even now his memory wavered.

It had come back in burst, and he’d knitted some things together through logic instead of true memories, but he was getting it all back.

Part of him regretted it.

He didn’t want to remember his grandma’s death, and he definitely didn’t want to remember Ace hurting him…

He didn’t want to remember the pool of self hatred he’d had that Ace had merely cultivated.

Saying goodbye to Felix was the hardest.

Well, saying goodbye to everyone except Matt and Mark was hard in itself.

But after everything, Felix…

Jack felt incredibly guilty since Felix got shot, and he’d gotten even closer to Felix, enough to say that they were brothers.

“I’ll Skype you every night?”

Jack snorted a bit, grinning at the Swede. “You’d really do that?”

“Of course bro!”

Jack let go of their hug, laughing a bit. “Sounds great! Alright, I’ll message you as soon as we get ta LA. I’ll see you soon?”

Felix nodded, before turning Jack and guiding him to the gate. “Now go before you’re late! Besides, me and Marzia have a plane to catch too.”

Jack sighed and nodded, rushing to follow Mark onto the plane.

\----

It was hot.

Jack squinted out into the sea of people, feeling Mark grip his arm… tightly…

“Mark? Are you ok?”

It took a moment before Mark acknowledged him, breathing stuttering. “Uh… Yeah. There’s just… Let’s get to the luggage area…”

Jack looked up at him worriedly. He’d seen Mark get like this before…

Back at the hospital, when Jack had…

Mark was going to have a panic attack.

Jack quickly led Mark to the carousel, finding the suitcases with Mark.

“Come on, let’s go, quickly…” Jack mumbled, tugging the slightly taller man forward.

They made it out, hailing a cab. Jack needed to get Mark home, fast…

Mark was shaking.”I’m sor- I’m sorry, Jack… I ju- I just…”

“It’s fine, Mark… Come on…”

Chica definitely helped.

While Mark had been gone, Matt and Ryan had watched her. Once they got to Mark’s house, Chica had jumped on him.

It calmed him as he played with his dog on the floor, leaving Jack to greet Matt and Ryan.

“Are you ok?” Ryan finally asked, watching Jack’s expression.

Jack’s smile immediately turned forced.

“… I’m fine now.”

Ryan gave a sigh, shaking his head a bit. “You don’t have to pretend…”

Jack straightened. “I’m not, I’m really fine. It was… Traumatic an’ I… Fuck, I’m really fine.”

It was an obvious lie, blue eyes squinting up at Ryan. They were dark, dull… Much deader looking than the last time Ryan had seen them.

The last time he had seen Jack, it looked like he was only half alive. Whenever there wasn’t some sort of distraction or cool new thing that Jack never saw before, it was obvious that underneath his slightly dull looking eyes was as dark as the nights Jack didn’t sleep.

It was also obvious that he had been uncomfortable whenever Ace was mentioned or whenever Ace was there, especially when Mark gave glares toward the blonde…

Knowing what had happened…

“I’m goin’ ta bed. Jet lag.” Jack mumbled, looking away. He didn’t want to sleep. Sleep was not only for the weak, but with sleep came nightmares. He just wanted to get away from talking about it. He didn’t actually have to sleep, though with how tired he was it was most likely what he was going to do anyways.

“… alright. If you need anything, Matt and I would be glad to help.”

The sincerity in Ryan’s voice made Jack grip the hem of his shirt tightly. He white knuckled the fabric, looking down and mumbling a thank you before rushing off deeper into the house.

Jack knew where the guest room was. He’d stayed overnight once when he and Ace had came to LA, for a convention and too hang out with his friends.

Jack mainly told Ace about the convention, however. He had failed to mention he’d mostly just wanted a vacation and too hang out with them, which was why Ace got angry when he figured out the lie that Jack hadn’t actually booked himself to be there until they had already got there.

Jack dove into the bed, pulling the covers over himself and gripping the blanket tightly.

His heart hammered against his chest, before he quickly took out his phone.

The last gaming video of Mark that had been uploaded was a game called LEA.

He stuffed ear buds into his ears and watched the video, rubbing at his eyes. Mark had uploaded it the day before they got on the plane to go to LA.

Jack made sure to skip the video Mark had made explained what was going on with them both…

He knew what was going on; he didn’t need it explained to him…

A yawn escaped him as he blinked tired eyes at the screen. It took a few moments before he realized he was going to either fall asleep watching this or he was going to have to turn it off.

Mark’s voice was soothing, even while the game was horror, so he kept the video on as he drifted into sleep.

“If you ever need any help with him…” Matt offered, genuine worry on his expression.

Mark glanced back to where Jack had run off too, nodding slowly. “I know. I’ll come to you guys. I think I can help him though, really!”

“Are you going to be ok?” Ryan finally asked, giving Mark a pointed look.

Mark looked like a mess. Shadows painted beneath his eyes, his hair was disheveled. He was still slightly pale from the threat of a panic attack a half hour previous, and his eyes, while bright, held some sort of deep… depression.

Ryan knew Mark had had depression a long time ago, remembered calling Mark only to hear that the insomniac had been thinking of doing things to hurt himself, end his own life. Hallucinations weren’t too uncommon either, but the past half year had seen him getting better.

He’d especially gotten better after Jack decided to come to LA for a visit.

It was… funny, in a horrible way, seeing Mark and Jack stop pretending to be as happy as they once were a long time ago on camera.

Mark was almost always acting happy anyways, a tired sort of happy that showed just how much he’d actually gone through in his entire life.

Jack fell into deep dark holes of depression, but when he was happy it was like an explosion.

The two may have been loud and fun and silly… But this side of them left no room for questioning.

They weren’t as happy as they seemed to be.

Not deep down inside.

It sucked seeing them this way.


	17. Complacent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm starting to get writer's block? I mean this is definitely a freaking filler chapter... I have a bunch of ideas but there's a lot of time between what'll happen and now and I don't want too just time skip. So I definitely want to think about it... Help?

Felix had always handled Jack’s nightmares.

Mark didn’t know how to handle the choked sobs, barely able to move out of the way when Jack started flailing.

Jack’s small fists pounding against him and legs flailing out to connect with his own didn’t hurt as much as seeing how much distress Jack was in.

Mark scooped the barely coherent Irishman into his arms, holding him close as he ignored the pain Jack was accidentally inflicting.

He only relaxed when Jack finally did, exhaling shakily in relief as Jack’s pale hands grabbed fistfuls of his shirt.

“It’s ok… It’s ok, shh…” Mark spoke softly, rocking the two as Jack sobbed into his chest. It broke Mark’s heart.

It shattered it in pieces, seeing someone who was usually so happy… broken.

Mark remembered a long time ago, when he’d get regular panic attacks and nightmares from his own trauma.

It had been a lot, completely taxing on his mind…

But it wasn’t as bad as this. Jack had been through more, for years… it wasn’t fair.

Mark wasn’t a stranger to abuse. He wasn’t a stranger to loss, nor to self hatred, either, but this… was so much pain. And he wasn’t ready for it.

“I’m s-sor-rry… I-I’m sorry-y…” Jack’s voice was broken up from hiccupped sobs, muffled from being pressed flush against Mark’s chest.

“Please… Don’t apologize; you have nothing to be sorry for…” Mark pulled him in tighter, pressing his face into green hair.

Jack’s breathing was slowing, Mark realized.

Falling asleep right in his arms…

Mark shut his eyes, moving them so they were lying in the bed. He still kept Jack close, putting Jack’s phone on the side table before shutting his own eyes.

This was going to be hard…

\----

“Come on, Jack.”

Jack glanced up at Ace, swallowing harshly before nodding. He turned again, giving his friends a large grin. “Sorry, ‘a gotta go.”

“I thought you were staying for dinner… Why don’t you both stay?” Matt suggested, shrugging a bit.

Jack watched the floor, biting his lip. “… Y-Yeah. Why don’t we? Let’s have dinner here, Ace!”

Ace immediately snapped to watch Jack, who, for what it was worth, stood his ground.

There wasn’t a glimmer of hesitation on his features, and even though he wanted too, he didn’t look away or flinch.

“… I guess that’s what we’re doing. But after, we really have to head to the hotel room.” There was something dark about Ace’s voice, something that sent a shiver down Jack’s spine and caused Ryan to squint at him in suspicion.

Mark quickly looped an arm around Jack and led him to the other room, whispering quietly into Jack’s ear, “I can keep you hear the whole time, you don’t have to go back with him…”

“I…’a don’t want a repeat of PAX, please…”

Jack’s words made Mark’s heart sting, the American glancing away and threading his fingers through his blue hair.

“I’m sorry about… Jack, why don’t we just go watch a movie?”

“… That sounds nice!”

Mark grinned, pulling his Irish friend toward the TV room.

He turned to look back just in time to lock eyes with Ace.

Time seemed to stand still as their eyes clashed, Mark with a fiery sort of anger and Ace with a sort of cool, sharp, sadistic one.

Mark, without thinking, pulled Jack closer. Protectively.

Jack made a noise of surprise, looking up at the other in confusion. “What’s wrong…?”

“Oh, uh, sorry… it’s nothing, Jack, don’t worry.”

\----

Jack refused food in the morning.

“I’m n-not hungry…” He had said, the obvious lie spilling from his mouth as he glanced away. He looked pale, tired from the nightmare last night.

Jack hadn’t gotten any rest last night. The sleep he’d had took all of his energy and honestly it could show.

“Jack… You need to eat…” Mark bit his lip, thinking a moment. If anything, he at least had to have something small… to get a bit of energy back…

“… Mark… I don’t want ta…” Jack’s voice was mumbled, blue eyes dull and glanced away. He was thin, and it had definitely gotten worse after this whole ordeal.

Mark stared at him for the longest time, before sighing shakily. “Jack, I’m going to get you a yogurt. Please at least eat that…”

Jack didn’t look at Mark. He continued to stare down at Mark’s table, hesitating. He didn’t want too. For multiple reasons, but he… still definitely didn’t want too, no matter how stupid those reasons were.

Mark’s pleading, however…

“A-Alright, just a yogurt…”

Mark relaxed, smiling at the Irishman as he sat down at the table. “Thank you… I’ll go and grab it for you.”

Mark quickly rushed into the kitchen, grabbing one of the yogurt cups and a spoon for Jack.

He wondered if this was going to be the norm.

Jack Skying Felix and Mark helping Jack with nightmares at night, practically begging and pleading for him to eat in the morning, probably recording, uploading, and… what?

After how much had happened in just a few months… it was just going to be this?

Mark felt a sort of… despair curl around his lungs. And once Jack didn’t need him, he’d go back to Ireland and Mark would… what?

Exactly… What the fuck was going to happen to him?

Mark was going to be… alone again.

Alone, tired, depressed…

Mark was going to be… nothing. He was just Jack’s stepping stone to being ok again.

Mark was just the ride to happiness, but once you were there, you didn’t need the ride anymore.

Jack wouldn’t need him, wouldn’t want him anywhere close anymore.

He’d just be a reminder of this hell that Jack had lived in…

“Mark…? You ok?”

Mark jolted out of his dark thoughts, realizing he’d been standing there for a couple of minutes by then.

Jack had hobbled over into the kitchen, hand on the wall to keep himself upright. He stared up at the slightly taller man, worry in his eyes.

“H-Huh…? Yeah, of course… Sorry, Jack… Uh, I got you peach!”

“… thanks… Mark, if yer not ok…”

Mark cut him off, shaking his head quickly. “I’m fine. Come on, I’ll help you back to the table if you want.”

Jack, despite the fact that he didn’t actually believe Mark, nodded slowly and let Mark help him to the table.

Mark watched him eat the yogurt, laying his head on his arm.

Thinking about the ending he’d already accepted as what would happen… hurt.

It felt like being buried alive.


	18. Everything's Fine...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm either gonna be missing for awhile cause I'll be cut off from WiFi or I'll be here and be able to update stuff/post new stories because I'll have WiFi all the time again, but both is a possibility so idk man.

The mundane schedule that had overtaken Mark’s house was broken a week and a half in.

The first odd thing that happened was the fact Mark was nowhere to be found.

Jack awoke slowly, to find that his bed was empty.  He groaned as he sat up, stretching and glancing around him quizzically.

During the time he was there at Mark’s house, he’d never woken up alone. He stood, slowly making his way to the other room.

There was still no sign of Mark as he looked, before his attention was drawn to the doorbell ringing.

He waddled toward the door, hands splayed across the cream colored wood as he looked out the peephole.

Ryan and Matt were standing there, which Jack found odd. Hadn’t they already left town…?

With shaky hands, Jack opened the door for them.

“Jack! You’ve been inside for awhile, right? Why don’t you come with me and we can hang out somewhere?” Matt immediately offered, though the smile on his face seemed slightly forced.

Jack frowned, rushing his fingers through the mop of green that was fading and growing on his head… “I… I guess I could probably get my hair trimmed an’ re-dyed…”

“Alright. I’ll take you to a hair- Um…” Matt had answered, before he cut himself off as Ryan brushed past Jack into the house.

“Uh… H-Hey, what’s th’ matter…?” Jack asked, confused. None of this made sense, and part of him wondered if he was dreaming…

“Nothing. Just go with Matt, ok?” Ryan suggested, serious… Too serious.

Jack felt uneasy, wondering where Mark was again… “M-Mark’s not… I didn’t find him…”

“I know. Please, just listen to what I’m saying…”

‘I know.’

The words rang in Jack’s head, causing worry to ground into his core. What did that mean, he knew? How…? More importantly…

“W-Where is he…?”

“Jack… Come on, get your shoes on.” Matt spoke, in a way that made Jack feel sick.

He wasn’t a fucking child…

But there wasn’t much he could do besides listen, slipping on his sneakers and thanking god he’d already changed into day clothes.

The day felt choked up as Jack went through the motions, letting Matt drag him to the hair dresser, then to an ice cream shop and finally to the park.

Jack stared down at the floor, finally throwing away the disposable ice cream bowl and keeping the spoon close.

He had a feeling it was going to be a reminder of this day. Jack wondered if he’d even want to remember it.

“You ok?”

Jack glanced up at the question, shrugging loosely. He didn’t feel ok. He felt afraid. He felt slightly miserable.

Matt frowned, opening his mouth to say something, before he was cut off by his phone making a noise.

Jack ignored him as he looked at the text, taking out his own phone. He still hadn’t spoken with Mark all day, and it left a cold pit at the bottom of his stomach.

He guessed the day hadn’t been bad, but… God, he didn’t know what he was going to do when he had to go back to Ireland.

Jack couldn’t stay in LA forever… but he wasn’t sure if he actually wanted to leave… he didn’t want to be alone.

Self-hatred pooled slowly around his core as he thought about one of the big reasons he didn’t want to leave.

His love for Mark…

Jack mentally berated himself for it, glaring down at the ants scuttling around on the floor. It wasn’t fair.

Jack was ugly, stupid, and a slut, just as Ace had said…

Even after Ace was out of his life, Jack still…

“Come on, Jack. I’ll take you back to Mark’s house.”

Jack let Matt tug him out of the park and towards the car, wondering if he’d finally be able to see Mark again.

Damn his thoughts… Jack felt like even more of a slut at how excited he felt at the thought of seeing Mark.

\----

Mark tugged at his sleeves tiredly, sighing a bit and mumbling an apology.

Ryan stared at him for the longest time, before looking away. “Look, Mark, if you need help, you just have to say so…”

“I… I’m fine. I promise. It’s been over half a year since the last time, I-I’m obviously better.”

Ryan was about to answer when the door opened.

“Mark!”

Jack’s eyes lit up in a way Mark hadn’t seen in a long time, letting Jack rush forward and hug him tightly.

A grunt escaped the American, before he hugged back, relishing in the warmth the hug brought him.

Mark wanted to say sorry.

He couldn’t, however, voice already shutting off as tears sprung in his eyes. Pathetic.

Mark honestly just felt pathetic, trembling in Jack’s arms from barely contained sobs.

“Mark…? Are you ok?”

“Y-Yeah… I’m f- fine…”

Jack stayed silent, just holding onto the bigger man tightly. “… I… I love you…” He mumbled nearly inaudibly.

It still seemed to calm Mark down, however…

Jack smiled, relaxing as well.

It wasn’t long before Matt and Ryan said that they were leaving and going to stay at a hotel.

“You can stay here. Hell, Jack and I basically stay in the same bed each night and the couch is a pull out bed so there are two beds.”

Jack helped a small bit in bringing Ryan and Matt’s stuff into the house, even though whenever he tried to help someone would quickly take over whatever he was doing.

Jack huffed a bit, before he straightened and crossed his arms. “I’m goin’ ta record.”

Mark’s features immediately brightened, thankfully. Jack didn’t like this image of an unhappy Mark…

“Alright, you remember where my recording room is?”

“Yeah.” Jack answered, going over to the room that Mark had pointed out as the recording room.

Jack sort of missed having an upstairs.

Not that Mark’s house wasn’t big itself, but it was more spread out than Jack’s, whose house went up instead of out.

Jack set up the system and logged onto his Steam, before buying one of the games people had suggested. A small smile twitched onto his lips, eyes brightening. This Is The Police, huh?

True excitement took over him as he got ready to record the game, eyes sparkling.

Jack shoved the worry he’d been feeling during the day into the back of his mind as he performed his intro and went on a small tangent about how he was finally back for good and that he’d upload an actual vlog some point soon.

He felt… truly happy, finally.

Jack’s smile grew wider. It felt wonderful.

He definitely missed this.


	19. Say Something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> !!! Graphic aftermath of self harm. Not the actual instance but the aftermath. To skip it and get to more of the story, just go to the bolded word later. All you have to know is he hasn't done this in about a half year and he hates himself for it.

Blood.

It splattered across the bathroom sink, dripping down freshly wounded arms.

Tears spilled down his cheeks, soft sobs escaping him as the salty iron mixture slowly slipped down the drain.

“… f-fuck…”

Mark whimpered a bit as he practically fell to his knees, hating himself for what he was doing. How pathetic he was being right now.

“W-Why… selfish… Jack…”

Mark slowly forced himself to his feet, rubbing his face and breathing stuttering.

It was nearly 2 am, bathroom light shining way to bright…

With a shaky hand, Mark turned on the sink and let it drain the blood away, quickly sticking his arm underneath without a thought.

A hiss escaped him as he flinched back, pain immediately bursting and feeling a bit sick at the thought of how unsafe that had been.

If he left his arm in there for too long, he could actually bleed out.

Mark didn’t want to die… not yet, not now.

“I-Idiot…” He mumbled to himself, going to grab a rag and bandages.

After awhile, he finally wrapped up his arms and tugged his sleeves down and over the white bandages, tired breaths tumbling in and out of his lungs.

No, no, it’d been half a year since he’d done something like this, not including the day before…

Mark had gotten better… hell, he saved…

Mark was self destructing when Jack needed him most…

He stood, legs wobbling as he finished cleaning up the sink and walked to his and Jack’s shared room.

Now he’d have to wear the white sweatshirt…

Just to not show off his new wounds…

As soon as they healed and were only scars he could go back to using concealer and recording in whatever he wanted but… Damn it, he was a fucking idiot…

And tired…

 **He** wobbled toward his and Jack’s bed, collapsing into it and staring with half lidded chocolate eyes at the sleeping Irishman.

Jack’s nightmares had gradually diminished, to the point where he could almost sleep alone at night.

Mark needed to stay close just in case Jack tensed up and started lashing out again, but here he was completely fucking up in the bathroom while Jack layed in bed, needing him.

Mark wondered if it had been an idiotic choice, getting Jack to stay with him.

His sleeping was fucked up again by insomnia, he was having another bout of complete… depression, and…

“I’m sorry, Jack…” Mark whispered, reaching a hand over to softly comb his shaky fingers through green hair. “You’ve been through so much more than me… and somehow _I’m_ the one that’s self destructing… You’re much stronger than me…”

Mark shifted so he was closer to Jack, arm pulling the other closer.

A pained hiss escaped him as his arms practically screamed from pain, Jack’s weight smashing into his left arm and right arm bumping clumsily against Jack’s side.

It took awhile before Mark finally made it comfortable, pulling Jack’s warmth against his chest as new tears sprung into his eyes.

He missed his dad.

A broken sob rolled through his chest as he pulled the other even closer, resting his face into the other’s hair and trying desperately to just sleep.

He felt a sort of almost… hatred towards _Jesse_.

He felt bitter about the abuse from her, bitter about getting kicked out of his mother’s house for dating her.

He felt bitter about the times he was forced to go to the hospital because of problems that nearly killed him.

If anything was going to kill Mark, it was going to be Mark himself.

His breathing stopped, heart skipping a beat at the thought.

That wasn’t… he’d never wanted to kill himself before. He didn’t want to do that now, either.

Right?

Mark swallowed harshly, shutting his eyes and to try and force himself to sleep. It was so late by then, he needed it.

“Mark…?”

Mark’s eyes opened up a little, to see half open, sleepy blue eyes staring at him.

Jack wasn’t fully awake, suddenly resting his head in Mark’s chest and gripping the other’s shirt firmly in his smaller, cold hands. “Thank you…”

Mark froze, before smiling a bit to match Jack’s.

Jack was asleep again, thankfully…

Mark let out a breathy laugh, feeling himself finally falling into a light sleep.

Jack had thanked him… God, it made Mark feel even worse about what he’d done.

But somehow it also made him feel better, too.

\----

Jack’s eyes fluttered open softly, slowly releasing his death grip on Mark’s shirt and stretching out his hands. He’d had the position for hours, and he definitely felt it in his fingers…

Blue eyes darted up to look into Mark’s sleeping face, Jack frowning a bit.

Mark looked pale, the shadows under his eyes suddenly stark against his skin. Sweat caused the tips of his scarlet hair to stick to his forehead, a look of pain stuck on his expression.

Jack slowly sat up, trying not to wake him. Mark always woke up when Jack moved. It wasn’t fair, seeing Mark tiredly force himself awake…

Especially not when he obviously needed more sleep than what he was getting.

Jack tried to softly slip out of Mark’s arms, before suddenly Mark jolted awake with a small cry of pain.

Jack cursed and started volleying Mark with apologies. He’d accidentally squished Mark’s left arm with his body.

Jack wasn’t sure why it hurt Mark so much, but it did and Jack hated himself for it.

Mark pulled his arms out from under Jack and held them close to his chest, shaking his head. “It’s fine, Jack. I’ll go make you breakfast.”

“No!”

Mark jolted in surprise, looking up at Jack in surprise.

“Look, ya need sleep. Jus’ go back ta bed, Matt and Ryan are here so if ya really don’t want me doing anything, you know they’ll take over.”

Mark stared up at him, soft smile on his lips. For some reason, seeing Jack act like this made him happy.

Maybe because it was proof Jack was much better. Maybe because Jack somehow… cared about Mark.

“F-Fine. I gotta record soon, though. I really can’t sleep more.”

Jack gave him a pointed look, scowl set on his expression.

There really wasn’t room for argument.

A sigh escaped the American, before he rested back on the bed and nodded, eyes shutting slowly.

Jack stared at the half asleep man, exhaling slowly. There was obviously something wrong.

He finally stood and started toward the kitchen, going into the fridge to grab a yogurt.

“Morning, Jack!” Matt greeted, causing Jack to look up.

“Hey!” He answered back, quieter than what he would usually greet with.

Ryan glanced up, raising an eyebrow. “Something wrong?”

“… no, I just feel bad for waking Mark up...”

Ryan sighed, going back to looking at his phone.

“It’s alright, Jack. It’ll be fine.” Matt tried to encourage him, but it just made Jack frown.

There was something wrong, and Jack definitely intended to find out.

Mark saved him.

It was his turn to save Mark.


	20. You Can't Wake Up; This Is Not A Dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mostly for time skip reasons and too showcase Jack's pain at finding out.  
> Next chapter will go back to talking about Ace. You'll see~  
> Also it gets kinda graphic talking about blood and again graphic aftermath of self harm but not the actual action.

Mark knew he shouldn’t be doing this.

He knew he was being selfish and pathetic, but… He couldn’t stop himself, not anymore.

Somehow, after the reprieve he’d had, when he was genuinely happy and clean… It got worse.

Like it was a tsunami; if it goes really far one way, then it’s going to go really far the other way after.

Even worse still, Mark’s insomnia had gotten worse, till he actually skipped whole nights because he just couldn’t fall asleep.

He was, to put it simply… dying.

“Ack…” Mark let out a pained noise, nearly tripping over his feet as he took a few steps back.

Jack had run into him on accident, worry immediately overtaking his expression.

It’d been a month since the incident when Mark had gone missing for nearly a whole day, and the only difference was now Jack was even more worried.

Mark still acted like his happy, silly self, in front of him and the camera, but there were instances when it slipped…

Jack felt his heart nearly break at the shuddery breath that escaped Mark.

“Mark…? Are you ok?” Jack finally asked, hand coming up to press against Mark’s chest hesitatingly.

“J-Jack?” Mark asked, before he quickly took a step back.

A look of hurt flashed on Jack’s face, hand quickly dropping. Tears threatened to spill down his cheeks, swallowing harshly. “I… F-Fuck, I’m sorry… I’m s-sorry, I thought…”

Mark suddenly felt slightly sick, shaking his head quickly. “No, no, Jack, I-!”

Jack turned, running off away from Mark back to their shared room.

A flinch shook Mark’s shoulders as the door slammed shut.

After so long of trying hard to keep his pain from Jack and keep Jack happy and healthy, he’d fucked up.

“What’s wrong?” Ryan asked, coming up slowly.

“I… I just… I took a step back… All I did was take a step back…”

Jack slid down the wall next to the door, clicking it locked.

A sob rolled through his chest as he pulled his knees close. Had… had he done something wrong?

No… No, it… Mark wasn’t ok…

Jack tucked his head between his knees, hands curling in his hair and yanking.

Was it… _his_ fault that Mark wasn’t ok?

Jack continued to sob into his knees. “N-No… No, it’s n-not… It’s no-ot my fa-ault…”

But he couldn’t believe it.

He needed to hear it with his own two ears. He wasn’t sure if he’d believe it even then, either, but… He needed to hear it…

Mark sighed as he went into the bathroom, giving Ryan a quiet apology.

Mark took a few moments to stare at himself in the mirror, before slowly taking off his sweatshirt and carefully peeling off the new bandages he’d put on 2 nights previous.

Mark’s breathing hitched at the sight of the healing wounds, hands shaking.

He felt panic settle in his chest as he realized how hard it was too keep from 3 people. He wanted Ryan and Matt gone.

He wanted Jack to be alright enough, so he didn’t…

Mark cursed when he noticed some of the wounds were split open, grabbing the Neosporin. He didn’t need an infection…

“Mark?”

His whole body jolted in fear, hand going to hold onto the counter to stay up. Jack was knocking on the door…

“S-Sorry, I guess this is really awkward, yer probably goin’ to the bathroom… Or takin’ a shower, I-I… Anyways, I jus’… Can you open th’ door…?”

Mark’s eyes widened, pure panic taking over. No, no, no…

“I… Jack… N-No, I…”

Jack froze, his veins turning to ice. What…? He immediately tried the doorknob.

Mark gave a low wail as the door was pushed open.

He’d forgotten to lock it…

He quickly tried to move to slam it shut, but the door opened anyways, pushing him back.

Mark nearly fell, hand coming to grip onto the counter to keep him from up.

He squeezed his eyes shut, head faced toward the floor at the sound of complete despair Jack made.

Mark wanted to apologize. He wanted to say he was trying to stop, he wanted to say the reason why, but he couldn’t speak.

Jack slowly inched forward, hand going out to curiously touch Mark’s arm. He wasn’t thinking, just feeling the pain that throbbed in his chest.

Mark’s breathing hitched, flinching back a bit, before his dull chocolate eyes looked into Jack’s blue ones.

“… I… It’s…”

“… Y-You…” Jack mumbled, swallowing the lump in his throat. He stared at Mark for the longest time, before suddenly he turned and rushed out of the bathroom, a barely audible sob escaping him.

“N-No, Jack, wait-!” Mark cried, rushing to try and catch up with the other.

He crashed into the wall on the other side of the hallway, hands reaching out to claw at the wall and try to keep standing.

All he did was smear his blood on the wall, landing on his hands and knees before quickly pulling himself up and running after Jack.

Mark felt dizzy, panic constricting his lungs and making it hard to breathe. This… This was wrong, this wasn’t how things were supposed to go!

He’d saved Jack from Ace, he’d taken away Jack’s pain, he was supposed to be happy and ok for someone so much more important than him.

Instead…

Mark finally stopped, tears streaming down his cheeks as another door slammed in his face.

The utter panic still clouded his mind, he didn’t know what to do or anything… He just stood there in front of the door, breathing shallow and choked.

And then he passed out, slamming into the floor.

Jack jolted at the sound, quickly opening the door to see Mark, pale and bleeding, laying on the ground.

He quickly rushed to the American’s side, turning him a bit so he’d lay on his back instead of his side.

“M-Mark… Why did you…?” He mumbled, pulling Mark’s limp body close.

He ignored Matt and Ryan when they came in, just held Mark tighter.

“Jesus… Here, Jack, can you let me clean him up?” Matt asked, holding a warm wet rag in his hand as he kneeled down next to them.

“… I-I’ll do it…” Jack mumbled, taking the rag and starting to clean up Mark’s blood.

“… Jack, it’s not your fault.” Ryan finally spoke, swallowing harshly. Mark…

Jack didn’t speak, just finished cleaning Mark up as his chocolate eyes fluttered open.

“… mhm…”

Jack wanted his mother.

The thought made his chest ache, swallowing hard.

He missed when he was a child and his mother would comfort him when he had a nightmare, thumbing away warm tears that spilled down his cheeks.

He wanted to wake up from this nightmare.

But this wasn’t a dream and his mother didn’t care.

Ace had made sure that Jack understood that, understood the lack of communication and the lack of I love you’s being said was because no one could love Jack other than him.

Jack wanted desperately for this to just fix itself.

He wanted to forget Ace and his words and his abuse.

He wanted to forget this sight of Mark laying on the floor barely awake, blood still pricking up from wounds as Jack uselessly cleaned it away.

He wanted to forget the pain and the ache.

Jack wanted to be numb.

This was all to fucking much.


	21. Be Nice, Please...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some graphic stuff between the ----s.  
> Sorry ;w;

With all the pain Jack had felt in his life, he didn’t know that this one phone call that should make him happy hurt just as much as Ace did, maybe even worse.

Ace was dead.

After all that abuse and pain he’d suffered at Ace’s hands, for years…

Ace was killed in prison by a prisoner who’d known his crimes and took it to heart because his own daughter had gone through something similar. Her story had ended in suicide with the woman never even getting imprisoned for it, while Jack’s…

A laugh escaped Jack, tears streaming down his cheeks.

This was a fucking nightmare, all of it.

He’d never gotten to say what he’d wanted to say, never got to tell him that he was an asshole, that Jack was a good person and people loved him.

Jack only half believed the second part, but…

Jack had wanted to get to that point, get good enough to believe he was… He wanted to prove that he had never deserved the abuse…

He’d wanted to be brave.

His chest ached, dropping the phone on the floor. One of his hands reached up to grip at his hair, laughing and crying both at the same time.

The abuse was one thing, the rape had been another.

But he’d handled it.

The infection because of the horrible sadistic things Ace had done added to the nightmare, till finally Jack had witnessed a completely broken Mark with blood practically streaming down his arms, to the point that they had wanted to take him to the hospital.

Mark’s bleeding had stopped and he had told them he didn’t need to, mumbling apologies and ‘It’s not your fault…’s to Jack, but it didn’t matter.

It just added to the nightmare that was his life.

What had Jack done for this pain to be in his life?

He took a step back, slamming into the wall behind him. He was in the living room, had been waiting for Bob and Wade who had said they were going to be coming and taking Matt and Ryan’s place since they had to leave, when he got the call.

Jack slid down the wall, sobs rolling through his chest and shaking his shoulders.

He wanted this nightmare to end.

No, he _needed_ this nightmare to end…

This was too fucking much…

Jack pulled his knees closer, resting his face into them as he exhaled softly.

Jack felt mentally and physically exhausted…

His consciousness slowly slipped away as he fell to the side, falling asleep right on the floor.

\----

“What the fuck, Jack?!”

Ace’s voice ringing angrily through the house caused Jack’s shoulders to jolt, his breathing hitching.

What had he done this time too piss his boyfriend off…?

Jack couldn’t think of anything, but the blonde stormed into Jack’s recording room, angry nonetheless.

The green haired Irishman looked up at him, hands shaking and fear settled in his eyes. This didn’t make sense to him, why was Ace in his safe room…? He tried to keep his ground, exhaling slowly to calm himself. “What’s wrong?”

“How many times do I have to tell you that you have to tell me before you record?!”

Jack glanced at the camera, feeling slightly sick to his stomach as he realized it was catching everything.

He’d have to relive this, rewatch it just to cut it out.

Jack’s bottom lip quivered as he teared up at the thought.

“Stop being so pathetic. I’m not going to let you manipulate me into not punishing you.”

Ace glanced up at the camera a moment, before a sick and twisted smile appeared on his face.

“… I’ll punish you after, just finish whatever game you’re playing.”

Jack could barely get his heart to stop hammering against his chest after Ace had left, desperately trying to calm down before he turned back to the computer.

“M-Might as well…”

Jack stilled his shaky hands, quelled the fear still grasping at his core, and got right back into the game.

It was hard, the threat still lingering in his mind, but somehow he managed to make his usual jokes and get just as excited when he won and angry when he didn’t.

Fucking Ben and Ed…

It pained him to start the outro, even though he had already pretty much went over the usual time he left for this game.

He took his time editing, before the video was finally done and he slowly set it to be uploaded.

Fearful tears had started in his eyes again, but he harshly rubbed them away, cursing at himself.

He wanted to be in LA with his friends.

He wanted to go to Disney Land again and wanted to make horrible dick jokes just to see them laugh and he wanted to talk about the Bonercast and he wanted…

Jack wanted anything but whatever Ace was planning…

He took slow steps out of the recording room, closing the door slowly.

This had been the first time Ace had come into his ‘Safe Haven’, first time Ace had finally crossed the boundary to where Jack didn’t feel safe even when he was recording and editing.

“A-Ace…?” He practically whimpered, hoping Ace didn’t hear him and had forgotten.

But his hope immediately vanished when the blonde appeared in front of him, grabbing at his arm harshly.

“I finally figured out the perfect punishment for you. If you’re going to continue making videos without getting my ok for it, then we’ll make a video without your ok for it.”

Confusion immediately overtake Jack’s face, giving a cry as Ace yanked him along toward his bedroom.

Jack didn’t like going to Ace’s room, never had… it usually meant Ace was going too…

Suddenly realization dawned on him, stopping in his tracks. “No, no, no, no, no, pl-please, Ace, ‘a-I’ll ask you next time, j-just please…”

His legs were shaking underneath him, sick too his stomach. Tears still dripped down his cheeks fatly, heart pounding harshly against his chest.

“What did I already tell you? You’re not going to be able to manipulate me like you do everyone else. I don’t think you acting like a child is cute, it’s annoying. You crying doesn’t make me feel bad for you, it just makes me realize you still think you can get people to feel sorry for you enough to not ever get punished for the bad things you do. Now stop acting like a brat and get in my room already, it’s ready for you anyways.”

A broken sob escaped Jack, hugging himself to try to calm his panic. He was going to be used for Ace to get off.

He was going to be hurt and raped… and judging by what Ace had said, it was all going to be videotaped…

“P-P-Ple-eas-se…” Jack gave one last beg, nearly cursing himself.

He’d staved Ace off when it came to the sexual things he’d wanted for awhile now, over 4 months at this point…

Jack hated this more than anything else Ace had done, maybe minus the times when Jack was hungry and Ace made Jack sit on his lap and do whatever he asked just for Ace to feed him.

At least with this Jack didn’t have to pretend that he enjoyed being around Ace and he didn’t have to take everything just for a meal.

Here he could scream instead of choke the sound down and try hard to make Ace happy.

Suddenly a fist knocked into the side of his face, slamming him into the wall.

Jack cried out, hands desperately trying to keep him up, but he still fell to the floor, sobbing hard.

He just wanted to be in his safe haven again.

“Look what you made me do, Jack… You can’t record looking like that now can you?”

Jack glared up at Ace, not thinking about the repercussions or anything.

He burned with complete hatred toward the other. Jack hated this, completely and utterly hated it.

He wanted his mom…

Ace grabbed his arm again, yanking him off the floor and basically throwing him at the door to his room.

“If you’re going to be like that, I’ll just need to not go easy on you and make it worse.”

Jack whined, eyes widening. He wanted away, he wanted this to end…

He pressed himself back, basically pushing himself against Ace as the bigger of the two opened the door before throwing him in and to the ground.

Jack’s hands and knees slammed down before he quickly tried to scramble up off the floor and go back out, crying out when Ace backhanded him hard and caused him to fall to the floor again.

Jack continued to plead as Ace locked the door behind him, before picking Jack up and throwing him onto the bed.

A red light flashed in Jack’s peripheral vision, making him scream and panic, hands coming up to claw at Ace as he tried desperately to get off the bed and run.

Ace continued to deliver punches and slaps as Jack struggled, before he finally got Jack layed on his stomach and strapped one of his hands to the bed.

“P-Ple-ease! S-STO-OP!” Jack screeched, continuing to flail until finally Ace had strapped him fully down. He still squirmed, until Ace shoved a couple pillows underneath him and tightened the bonds.

Tears streamed down Jack’s cheeks as Ace pulled down his shorts and underwear.

He felt them end up at his knees, pleading still as he realized he was completely vulnerable, bound and half naked.

Ace reached around him and started tying a gag onto him, causing Jack to give a cry of surprise.

Jack whimpered behind the cloth, before suddenly he saw the blinking red light turn green.

Jack wanted this to end…

\----

“Jack?! JACK!”

Jack jolted awake, squirming and screeching, hands going up to try and get whoever was touching him off.

“PLEASE STOP! I-I’M SORRY, I’M SOR-RRY, PLEASE!” He screamed, squirming and struggling as much as he could.

“Hey, hey, it’s ok! Jack!”

His dazed blue eyes finally opened up all the way, choked sobs still escaping him as his hands went up to grip at whoever this was’ shoulders.

Wade stared down at him, not bothering to acknowledge the shaking hands gripping tightly on his shoulders, worry on his face.

Jack continued to try to breathe, hiccupped sobs escaping him, before he turned and dry heaved onto the floor.

“Jesus, Jack…” Bob’s voice sounded mumbled and concerned as Jack continued to vomit.

Jack had worked himself up, and finally his nerves had caused _this_ …

Wade rubbed his back as he heaved, bile and spit dripping from his mouth to the floor.

Mark swallowed harshly, hands shaking slightly at the sight of the distress Jack was in.

He’d fallen asleep on the floor… Had the worst nightmare Mark had ever seen and Mark hadn’t been there to help.

And to top it all off, Mark was sure he was part of the reason.

“J-Jack… What happened, what…?” Mark tried, before his voice failed and he covered his hand with his mouth.

Jack finally got a hold of himself, letting Wade go to grab a few paper towels to at least clean up his face.

“… A-Ace… i-is dead…” Jack mumbled, quickly cleaning his face with the paper towel and slowly trying to get to his feet.

Mark quickly went forward, helping him up and holding onto him so he didn’t fall.

Jack continued to quiver in his grasp, breathing oddly before he quickly turned and grasped Mark’s shirt, bunching it up into his fists and sobbing brokenly into his chest.

Mark hadn’t done this since the first couple of weeks Jack had come to live with him, finally wrapping his arms around Jack again.

He winced at the pain from his arms as they got aggravated from how tightly he held onto Jack, but he didn’t care, just burying his face into Jack’s hair.

“Why are you so… sad about that?” Mark finally asked, pulling back a bit.

“… I-I never got ta tell him… That he was a dick and that I n-never deserved…”

“You never got the closure you needed.” Bob finally spoke, realization dawning on his face.

“… I-I never proved ‘im wrong…”

Mark gasped lightly, immediately looking down into Jack’s face. “Y-You… You don’t have to prove he was wrong, you’ve already done that. You’re amazing and beautiful and smart-!”

“N-Not even my parents could love me… E-Even the community thinks I’m dumb as hell… I-I’m ugly and horrible and no one could l-love me, except Ace…” Jack pretty much quoted, shaking.

It may have been the lies that Ace had force-fed him until he believed it, but that was just it.

Jack believed it.

“No… No, Jack… Why would you think your parents don’t love you? Why would you think you’re ugly and horrible? You’re not!” Mark argued, cupping Jack’s cheeks and willing himself not to wince in pain.

“A-Ace said… the reason we never really called and the reason they never said I love you was because they d-didn’t… A-And the community has done it all the time jus’ cause I’m not good with puzzles or anything… I-I try but… I d-don’t…”

“Jack, please…” Mark hated seeing him this way.

But wasn’t that how he felt himself?

That he was just as bad as what Jack was describing?

At least for Jack it wasn’t true, but…

“I just… I wanted to believe what you guys said… I wanted to tell him he was wrong and get closure but now… I can’t…”

“Come on, Jack… I’ll make you some tea to calm your nerves.”

Wade basically took Jack from Mark and led him to the kitchen to sit and calm down, leaving Mark to stare after.

“… That’s… That’s how I am, but I can tell he won’t harm himself…” Mark finally mumbled, glancing at Bob.

Bob could tell too, by the way Jack had acted the whole time he’d known them, by the way he was speaking…

Even though he said it and said he believed it, there was some part of him that just didn’t.

Some part of Jack had always been strong against the abuse he suffered.

That small part of him was slowly healing the rest of him, to the point where Jack was already getting better.

To put it simply, Jack was strong.

Mark had already realized that. But at the same time, he also realized what that meant.

It meant Mark himself was weak.


	22. "Selfish Fuck Up"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you guys read this, I should say three things.
> 
> I've been going through a bout of depression and insomnia- well, I mean, the depression I've even been diagnosed with has been getting pretty bad, and I've been writing this story at the hours of the morning where my mind is darkest, i.e., 1-2 am in the morning.
> 
> So it gets pretty intense a lot.
> 
> Be mad at Mark for the mistake he makes, but also remember that Mark isn't especially sure of what he's doing, he's pretty out of it and he's pretty much disconnected from his body, which is actually common in people that have anxiety.
> 
> Lastly, I'm going to be gone for long intervals, which means instead of being updated like one or two chapters pretty close to each other, I'll randomly just appear and upload a lot.
> 
> Also I rewrote the summary! Now onto the warnings like fff I'm talking a lot sorry.
> 
> Warnings for semi-consensual NSFW and suicidal thoughts.

Jack’s small giggle was always Mark’s favorite thing to hear.

 He remembered when he was boredly looking through Tumblr and found a Vine of just Jack’s giggles as he carved a pumpkin.

It always made him smile.

It made Jack sound like a child, which Jack would most likely hate to hear but Mark thought it was true.

Not that it was bad; in fact, it made it even more adorable.

Mark hadn’t heard that giggle in a long time, nor had he heard a genuine happy laugh from anything but some silly weirdness in a game he was playing.

When the camera was off, Jack would usually watch Mark’s infinite expanse of movies, with the occasional half laugh, doodle lazily on his notebook that he hadn’t touched in years, he said, or listen to music.

Mark had never been a big music listener.

Sure, he wanted to sing and was taking classes, but he barely ever listened to music…

Mark wondered what Jack listened too.

Well, he guessed it was pretty private; Mark listened to music on very rare occasions, and the music he did listen too, he’d never tell people he did.

Other than fan made songs and a few random popular songs he’d ended up finding out.

Depressing songs mostly, but he hadn’t in months.

He remembered back when he was completely depressed, after Daniel died, to the point where he had to take a small break.

Not only to grieve for his friend, but also to hide the fact that he’d started harming himself more than he’d ever done before.

Hell, Mark remembered when the police had to be called…

The incident had definitely scared Mark, and had gotten him psychiatric help for about 2 weeks.

And then people stopped caring…

“Mark?”

Mark snapped to attention, glancing up at Jack, who was staring at him with wide, worried, _horrified_ eyes.

Damn… _Jack_ was worried about _him_ …

“W-What…?”

“D-Don’t do that, please…”

Jack’s hands went forward to grasp at Mark’s right wrist softly, pulling his now slightly bloodied hand away from his left arm.

Without thinking, Mark had started to push his fingers into his old wounds.

Mark felt slightly sick at the thought. He hadn’t meant too, his thoughts had just traveled to dark avenues…

And now Jack, who was still recovering from the fact that Ace was dead, had to worry about if Mark was going to be ok…

“Selfish…”

“What?”

Jack blinked in surprise, cocking his head slightly. That was… unexpected.

Had Jack done something wrong…?

Or was Mark calling… _himself_ selfish?

Either way, Jack started to worry his lip.

“I… God, Jack, I’m so fucking selfish…”

Jack started to shake his head, opening his mouth to protest, before Mark quickly cut him off, the dam in his eyes finally breaking and letting warm, salty tears cascade down his cheeks.

“No, no, please let me finish! Y-You’re not ok! You’re still having nightmares and I’m supposed to be there for you but I’m such a selfish fuck up that I’m not! Damn it, I just wanted to help you but instead here I am worrying you and-!”

Jack’s lips were suddenly on Mark’s, effectively cutting him off.

His hands shakily went up to curl his fingers gently in scarlet hair, eyes shut.

Tears ran down his cheeks warmly, dripping onto Mark’s face.

For a moment, Mark stayed frozen, before his arms went around Jack’s waist and he pulled the smaller one closer, practically pulling him into his lap.

Jack nearly jolted backwards, stomach clenching at the movement, before he relaxed, reminding himself over and over that this was Mark, someone he’d loved for years, someone who would never hurt him like Ace had.

Mark pulled away a bit, causing Jack’s eyes to flutter open.

“J-Jack, what…?”

“… j-jus’ shut up, ok Mark? Yer not a selfish fuck up… Ya met yer limit… Look, Mark… I owe you my life, in more ways than one. And more times, hahaha… Yer my hero, and my… I-I don’t want ya hurting yerself… I want you happy. I love you.”

Mark felt warmth start in his chest, heart hammering against his ribs.

He was suddenly acutely aware of Jack’s legs on either side of his hips, of his hands gripping onto Mark’s shirt tightly, of how close they were…

“Y-You… You love me?”

Mark remembered Jack had said it before, too, but this felt different.

Back then he’d accepted it, sort of, and completely jumped on the crazy train of basically forcing his need for care onto Jack.

This was a fresh start, firstly, and secondly, Jack was on top of him.

“… D-Do ya not like that…?”

Jack sounded hurt, worried.

He wondered if he’d fucked up.

“I… J-Jack…” Mark tried to make words, but the only sound in his ears was his heart pounding, and it was hard to focus.

Instead of answering, he smiled.

Jack couldn’t help but smile back, seeing the love that Mark gave back.

Jack couldn’t remember the last time Mark had smiled so genuinely. A long time ago, when he had first remembered key points in his life and had talked with Mark about it came to mind.

“… Mark…” Jack hesitated, looking away a moment, before launching into another kiss.

This was what he was supposed to do, right…?

Mark kissed back, hands placed gently on the smaller man’s hips, before he jolted as Jack started tentatively playing with the button of his jeans.

Mark pulled away, eyes wide as he stared up into Jack’s eyes.

“Are… Are you sure…?”

“… I think…”

Mark felt a bit sick at the answer.

If Mark let this happen, Jack would most likely be screwed up even more…

It was clear Jack really wasn’t ready, a weird look in his blue eyes, but…

Mark was at a cross between listening to his heart and listening to his dick.

Jack swallowed harshly, looking away. His hands shook as he continued trying to undo the button.

Mark wondered if he would be a bad person for letting this go on…

Jack had been fine with just the kiss and telling Mark he loved the other, but…

Mark didn’t want to stop this.

He’d always wanted to have this slice of heaven, always wanted to feel Jack underneath him in harmony.

But… he’d wanted them both to be happy…

Except he was hard already, thinking about what could happen and the fact that Jack’s fingers were brushing near his member as they finally undid the button.

“J-Jack, uh…”

His blue eyes glanced up, clashing with chocolate ones.

Underneath the love that was in them, there was something begging for Mark to say no.

Begging Mark to just tell him to wait.

Begging Mark, please, please don’t let this happen, I’m just trying to make you happy, I don’t really want to do this…

Mark gave a small grimace, it getting worse when hope flashed in Jack’s expression.

“… are you absolutely sure?”

Jack’s breathing hitched a bit. “… y-yes…”

The lie ground into Mark’s ears, him wondering if he could get away with that.

No, no, what the fuck was he thinking?!

He was thinking Jack was the most amazing person in the world and Jack was saying yes even if he meant no.

Mark was thinking no matter what… it wasn’t rape.

He felt even sicker at the thought.

Somehow, his cloudy, depressed mind had gotten so bad that he was willing to let Jack get broken again just for a small bit of ecstasy and almost happiness.

But he couldn’t help the small alright that slipped past his lips, couldn’t help pulling Jack close and kissing him again, couldn’t help his own fingers going to Jack’s button and nearly snapping it off with how determined he was to get Jack’s jeans off.

Jack jolted and winced, eyes scrunching up and tears brimming in his eyes.

He didn’t want this.

But he’d said yes…

_Mark was going to hurt him…_

Mark’s hands gripped onto Jack’s hips, too tight…

But Jack forced himself not to struggle, not even when Mark pulled him up roughly and started to take him into his mouth.

Jack gave a shaky moan, hands coming up to grip Mark’s shoulders.

Finally, after feeling his member be taken into the heat of Mark’s mouth fully and the pool of pleasure grow and Mark’s hands squeeze his hips so fucking tightly that Jack was sure to bruise, he whimpered a, “P-Please, stop…”

Immediately, Mark’s mouth was gone and he stared up into Jack’s face.

Tears streamed down his cheeks, a hiccupped sob escaping him.

Spittle dripped lazily down Mark’s chin, until he wiped it away with his sleeve.

“I… F-Fuck, I’m…”

Jack pushed Mark away, getting off him and fixing his jeans.

“… J-Jack, please, I-I’m sorry, I…”

Jack was shaking as he tried desperately to gather himself, fix his clothes that Mark had messed up.

“I… I d-didn’t…” Mark mumbled, trying desperately to salvage what he could from the terrible mistake he had made.

But Jack still didn’t answer, just turning and rushing out the living room.

Mark hadn’t even given Jack the decency to take him to the bedroom…

Mark cursed, staring down at his slightly bleeding left arm and his barely healed right one.

He’d fucked up, horribly…

He didn’t deserve this.

He didn’t deserve Jack or any of his friends.

He didn’t deserve to be alive.

Mark’s fists closed tightly at the thought, eyes shutting as warm tears started dripping into his lap. He was right, though…

Mark Edward Fischbach didn’t deserve to live.


	23. God This Is All There Is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for the preparation of a suicide attempt.
> 
> The random fan is literally just that; a random fan.
> 
> Though what if it was the one that gave Mark the bag of gifts for Jack awhile back that would be neat.

Jack felt disgusting.

It was his own damn fault, he thought, for saying yes in the first place and starting the fucking problem when he should’ve just stayed in his own comfort zone, told Mark that sorry, he actually wasn’t ready…

But instead, he’d said yes and even though he could tell Mark knew he didn’t want too, was begging in his head for Mark to not take advantage of it, Mark had roughly pulled him close and…

Jack squirmed at the thought, grimace stuck on his lips.

He’d said he loved Mark.

It wasn’t a lie, but he was certainly a bit afraid and a little angry.

Mark had completely taken advantage of him.

And Jack felt _disgusting_.

“Jus’ as Ace said… Slut…” Jack mumbled as he stared at his reflection blearily, wiping away the remaining tears.

He felt mentally exhausted, slowly climbing into the bed.

Mark and his bed…

Jack shuddered lightly, pulling the blanket close to him and forcing himself to forget about it.

Jack just needed to forgive Mark.

He knew that Mark loved Jack, even if he’d screwed up and caused…

Jack also knew that even as disgusting and angry as he felt, he still loved Mark too.

Tiredly, he closed his eyes and nuzzled into the pillow, quiet tears still slipping down his cheeks.

He cried himself to sleep, a few broken sobs breaking the quiet.

Mark staggered to his feet finally, glancing down at his arms a second time.

They still ached, his veins throbbing with the need to bleed.

Mark couldn’t help a tired, broken laugh at the accidental rhyme he’d thought of, before he started to slowly waddle toward the bathroom.

Mark was exhausted, but not only was Jack in their bed and Mark didn’t want to bother him, it also wasn’t just in the physical sense.

It took too long to finally get to the bathroom.

He’d stayed sitting there on the couch for hours by then, he realized as he grabbed his phone from his pocket and glanced at the time.

1:27 AM.

Mark’s brain felt fried, as he rubbed his forehead.

Where were Bob and Wade…?

He thought he had heard them during the time he’d been staring off into the space and skipping dinner just the same as Jack.

He thought he remembered hearing Bob ask what was wrong, but Mark wasn’t sure if he’d answered.

Hell, Mark wasn’t even sure if that was actually what happened.

His mind kept replaying the mistake he’d made, kept replaying the sound of Jack whimpering for Mark to _stop_ …

The sound had snapped him back to reality, reminding him that it was wrong, that he shouldn’t have done that…

But it had been too late.

His mind had come back to him too late, and now Jack hated him.

The thought caused Mark’s chest to ache.

Another person he had been close too, hating him…

At least this time he had actually done something wrong.

No, actually, that wasn’t a good thing…

Mark sighed, shaking his head at his own thoughts.

Even now, he was being a fucking dumbass.

Oh, right…

Mark shakily opened up the camera like he’d been planning to do when he first took out his phone.

He’d already layed out the knife he’d grabbed from the kitchen a few days before and the pills he’d stopped taking a long time ago.

Mark wanted to get drunk if he was going to die.

He wanted to feel numb mentally as he died.

With as much effort as he could muster, he stood and hobbled to the kitchen, looking for some sort of alcohol.

Mark never drank anymore, but he knew there should at least be some leftover Fireball Whiskey from when he did that never got finished.

It wasn’t nearly enough, but…

Mark’s hand curled around the bottle, before he started for the bathroom again. No one was awake, Mark realized, and he knew he had to be quiet to keep it that way.

Mark finally plopped down on the lid of the toilet, kicking the door closed and locking it. After a moment of hesitation, he layed the towel hanging up down on the floor and pushed it into the crack to block noise and keep it closed.

Mark reopened the camera, hands slightly shaking as he directed it toward him.

Warm tears continued to spill down his cheeks, breathing oddly. His voice was hushed, sounding slightly broken. The only words he was able to muster before he broke down into sobs was a small sorry.

It took a lot for him to gather words again, hugging the phone close to his chest and bending to press his chest into his knees.

When his sobs subsided, he sat up and faced the phone toward his face again, pain throbbing in his throat and arms.

He hadn’t put something long sleeved on or covered his wounds with foundation this time, meaning he could see them stark against his tan skin in the camera.

It hurt.

“I… I c-can’t do it… I’m sorry… I’m so f-fucking sorry… I love all of you, I really do… A-And if any of you ever need help, ask people for it because you’re all important and you all m-ma-atter…” His voice cracked as he tried to say what he wanted too, hands shaking too much to keep the camera steady on his face.

“I-I’m a horrible person… I-I’ve been so selfish and pathetic, a-and my depression is worse… I’m sorry… O-Other Youtubers are better, y-you guys will be ok…”

Mark’s lip quivered as he tried to fight the sobs that wanted to start again, breathing stuttering and chest quaking.

He didn’t know what else to say, ending the video and saving it. It took awhile before he was able to finally start uploading it on his phone, accidentally pressing wrong buttons and mistyping the name of the video.

He finally uploaded ‘im sprry’, and set his phone down on the corner.

Something whispered inside his head, something that said this wasn’t his time and he shouldn’t be doing this, but he just ignored it, opening up the bottle of alcohol and a bottle of antidepressants.

“B-Bottoms up…”

\----

Her first reaction was to grab her phone.

The fan started to dial 911 with shaky fingers. The comments were filled with worried people just the same as her.

There was some hate, some even saying it was fake and one person saying it was about time…

She felt sick with worry, listening to Mark’s sobs over the three minute video.

She shakily held the phone to her ear, wiping at her own tears.

“911, what’s your emergency?”

“Th-There’s… M-Mark uploaded a video… H-He said… H-He’s going to kill h-himself… Th-there were cuts a-all over his arms… F-Fuck…”

“Do you know where he lives?”

“God, no, he’s a YouTube celebrity…”

The operator fell silent, before she quickly asked which Youtuber and started to find the video so someone could trace where the video was uploaded from.

The fan gave a soft thank you, before she was disconnected.

Hope swirled in her chest as she hugged herself.

“P-Please live, Mark…”


	24. From The Perfect Start To The Finish Line

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for the aftermath of a suicide attempt and talking about the bruises Mark accidentally left.

Jack groaned as he felt someone shaking his shoulders.

He blinked bleary blue eyes up at Wade, sitting up slowly. “… What’s wrong…?” He asked sleepily, tilting his head slightly.

Tears were falling down Wade’s cheeks as he tried to speak, swallowing harshly.

“M-Mark…”

It didn’t take anything else, Jack quickly getting off the bed and rushing out the room.

Worry settled in his stomach like a block of ice, chest quaking as he tried desperately to calm himself.

It didn’t matter as soon as he saw Mark being pulled out of the bathroom and placed on a gurney.

Jack stared at the blood caking and dripping from his arms, the way his eyes were closed and his breathing was shallow, chest barely rising and falling.

Jack brought shaking hands up to yank at his hair, eyes wide.

Jack had done this.

Jack fell to his knees at the realization, taking an odd breath in.

This was Jack’s fault. If Jack had just let Mark do whatever he had wanted to Jack, then he wouldn’t have…

Hell, if Jack had done something to help instead of wallow in his own self pity than maybe Mark would have been sleeping next to him in bed instead of layed out on the gurney, looking much smaller and paler than Jack remembered.

“Hey, come on Jack…” Bob helped him up, before pulling out his phone.

Jack swallowed hard, before rushing to grab his own and send a shaky message to Felix explaining what had happened to Mark…

Felix’s immediate response was that he was buying a ticket out.

Jack continued to message other people, including Ken, Matthias, Ryan, and Matt.

His fingers were too shaky for there not to be typos, but he got the point across well enough to get people to know where to go and what to do.

Jack wanted Felix.

He wanted his honorary brother close, to stop the tears of pure fear still breaking the dam in his eyes.

“Jack…” Wade mumbled, turning the green haired man around so he didn’t stare at Mark’s limp, dying body anymore.

Jack squeezed his eyes shut, numb as the world around him fell away.

Jack wondered how someone could hurt themself.

Mark had tried to kill himself, the reason painfully clear to Jack.

Well, at least he was absolutely sure of the reason, even if in actuality he was wrong.

But… what were his reasons for hurting himself? It didn’t make a lot of sense to Jack; he just knew he was worried about Mark…

Jack rested a hand on one of his bruising hips. He was completely worried, even if Mark had hurt him…

Jack knew it hadn’t been on purpose and there was obviously something wrong so he couldn’t necessarily blame Mark, but…

Wade glanced down at Jack’s shaky hand resting protectively on his hip. “What’s wrong?” He asked quietly, one of his hands resting on Jack’s.

Jack flinched a bit, looking to the floor. “… Mark, he, uh… I t-told him that we c-could have sex even though I didn’t want too… H-He accidentally got a b-bit…”

Rough? Exactly, but…

“… Jack, what did Mark do…?”

Jack squirmed a bit, before pulling down the side of his jeans and boxers to show one of the red and slightly blue bruises that had started blossoming.

He quickly pulled it back up, glancing away in shame.

“Mark did that?” Bob’s voice caused Jack to flinch.

He didn’t know Bob was paying attention.

“It wasn’t his fault, I t-told him… There was this glassy look in his eyes, he wasn’t himself… He kept grabbing my hips after I a-allowed him ta do whatever he wanted… I th-thought I was supposed ta… Mark kept asking if I was really alright w-with it, but I… I could tell he knew I wasn’t, even if I was s-sayin’ yes… H-He k-kept grabbing my h-hips and p-pulled me-” Jack started to sob, breaking up his words.

“I-I asked him ta stop… A-And then he was back ta nor-ormal but…”

“He probably felt guilty, like he’d ruined his relationship with you.” Bob inferred, staring after the gurney that had been taken away.

“I-I want ta go in the ambulance whit Mark…” Jack mumbled, hugging himself lightly.

Wade nodded, leading him toward the ambulance and mumbling toward the hospital workers, asking if Jack could come with.

Jack finally found himself in the seat right next to Mark, slowly reaching over to play with Mark’s hair.

Cold sweat coated his forehead, causing the scarlet to stick to his forehead.

“We’re supposed to be getting better, Mark… I’m supposed to be unbroken and yer supposed to be happy. So why the fuck aren’t we?” Jack mumbled, pulling his shaking hand away to rest on his hip again.

Jack was easy to bruise, meaning Mark had easily done it without knowing what he was doing… Jack felt horrible.

Mark felt guilty for hurting him?

But didn’t Jack deserve to be hurt?

Jack exhaled slowly, resting his head on the bed.

He needed Mark.

Jack might have been afraid at one point, angry even, but seeing him like this just took his love for Mark and thrust it into his face. Jack completely and utterly loved Mark.

“I forgive you… I-I jus’ want you to get help… I want you ok… I want ya happy.” Jack spoke again, hating the way Mark seemed almost cold to the touch.

He was still breathing, shallowly, but Jack felt like Mark… could really die…

“P-Please… Don’t di-ie… I ne-eed you…” Jack quivered, before sobbing as he rested his head on the bed again.

The silence was suffocating, pressing against Jack’s chest. It felt like it was going to crush his chest, pain throbbing through his throat as he cried into the bed.

They said Mark didn’t have much of a chance of waking up.

Jack listened numbly, staring down at his hands as a doctor continued to speak at him.

“… I-I can’t lose him…” Jack mumbled, cutting the doctor off.

He went silent for a moment, before pulling the clipboard in his arms tighter into his chest. “… Mr. McLoughlin, I’ll do the best I can.”

Jack watched the man, Dr. Andrade, leave.

He felt more sobs make his whole body quiver, before he glanced back at Mark.

They’d had to find a way to pump his stomach, gave him blood so he wouldn’t die of blood loss either…

Jack hated how pale Mark looked, dark shadows still stark against his skin underneath his eyes.

Jack’s hand squeezed around his phone, it playing one of his favorite songs. Somehow, even though it didn’t match with the situation really well, it still made his chest ache worse.

‘Shadows settle on the place that you loved. Our minds are troubled by the emptiness. Destroy the middle, it’s a waste of time... from the perfect start to the finish line. And if you’re still breathing, you’re the lucky ones… Cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs…’

Jack’s teeth ground as he looked away from Mark, wiping away the tears still streaming down his cheeks.

Mark couldn’t die.

Jack wouldn’t be able to handle it if he died, it would just be too fucking much…

“Please… Mark, y-ya gotta stay with me… Please, fer the love of GOD, I’m sorry… Just live for me, please… I-It’s fuckin’ selfish, but please…”

‘Well, I’ve lost it all, I’m just a silhouette. A lifeless face that you’ll soon forget… And my eyes are damp from the words you left. Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest… Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest.’

“I-I need you…”


	25. The Doctors Saved You But You're Still Dead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I reference a lot in the chapter titles don't I? This one's kind of obscure, so the reference is to Coma Baby by Nicole Dollanganger.
> 
> Warning for after suicide attempt and homophobia.
> 
> Disclaimer that this is an AU and his mother is not actually like this.

Mark’s heart monitor became Jack’s anchor.

Even when Felix finally got there and started to practically force him to eat and drink, to try and keep healthy, Jack still just sat and listened to the heart monitor.

The only sound that really took him from the numb feeling was Mark’s groan.

Jack quickly stood, ignoring everyone else in the room, and leaned over Mark’s hospital bed.

Deep brown eyes finally opened, after so long of being closed, looking up and clashing with light blue ones.

Jack couldn’t help a large grin appear on his face, his tears restarting. Which was a miracle, since Jack was sure he’d cried himself out.

Mark stared up at him, squinting in the bright light. “W-Wha…? I… I’m alive?” He croaked, trying to sit up.

A wince overtook his expression as his arms shook, trying desperately to hold his weight. They were weak and pained, however, causing them to collapse underneath him and drop him straight onto the bed.

Jack stared for a few seconds, before he went forward and hugged him, shaking his head softly.

“God damn it, Mark… yer not allowed to die on me…” He mumbled, burying his face into Mark’s shoulder.

Mark blinked in surprise, before he wrapped his arms around Jack too, eyes shutting again. “… I’m sorry.”

Jack pulled back a bit. “Mark, why th’ fuck did ya…” His voice died away, him wiping the tears out of his eyes and biting his lip to stop his sobs.

Mark looked down to his lap, wincing at the sight of his bandages. “I… Jack, I wanted to die…” His lip quivered as he tried to keep in his weeping. “Y-You don’t know how it f-feels… I ha-ate myself so much… Y-You wouldn’t understand, you’re so much stronger th-than me… I’m weak a-and horrible…”

Jack sat back and shook his head, wincing as his hip throbbed, shifting a bit.

“What’s wrong?” Mark asked, squinting his eyes at Jack. He completely ignored the pain he still felt, in favor of worrying over someone he thought was much more important than him.

Jack shook his head a second time. “I was jus’ worried… Mark, yer not weak. You’re amazin’, kind, beautiful, a-an’ I love you…”

Mark froze, eyes widening. “Y-You still love me…? God, why?! I… I took advantage of you… m-more times than one…”

“Mark, it doesn’t matter…”

“I basically tried to r-ra… You said yes but I knew… I h-hurt…”

“Mark the bruises don’t fucking matter!”

“… bruises?”

Jack froze, staring at Mark for a few moments, before glancing behind at the sleeping others behind him.

Everyone else in the room was sleeping except…

Felix’s eyes were open as he stared at the encounter.

He repeated Mark’s question, quietly, causing Jack to squirm.

“… Mark, y-ya… accidentally left b-bruises…” Jack mumbled, glancing between them before hugging himself.

Felix swallowed, sitting up from his position. He wasn’t sure what to say to that; Mark was sitting there, alive, after hanging by a thread… and Felix was so happy about it, but he couldn’t help the anger boiling deep within him. How could _Mark_ hurt _Jack_ of all people?

“… Jack, let me see them.”

Jack flinched, glancing over at Felix. He realized why Felix wanted to see. Felix wanted to know how rough Mark had gotten.

Jack grabbed the sides of his shorts and pulled them down a bit to show the now healing blue bruises. They had never got really dark, mostly red at the beginning and now a light blue black.

Felix stared for a moment, before reaching forward to graze his fingers over the bruise, causing Jack to jolt back.

“Sorry…”

“Jack, f-fuck…” Mark whimpered, hands curling into fists. His nails dug into his palms so harshly that he started to bleed.

“Mark, please!”

Jack’s voice caused Mark to stop, hands slowly going back to a normal position.

“Y-You think I hate you so fuckin’ much, ya think yer horrible a-and that you need to die but ya don’t! God- yer my hero! Yer so many people’s hero, an’ I fuckin’ love you!”

Mark’s eyes widened a bit, staring up at the Irishman for awhile.

He studied the position Jack was in.

Jack had climbed onto the bed, sitting on his knees at the end of the bed near Mark’s feet. There was a forced angry expression on his face, but the only feelings stuck in those ocean eyes was worry and pure love.

Mark looked up to see his mother in the doorway.

For the longest time he stared up at her, Felix’s and Jack’s eyes following.

“… that’s kinda gay, Jack…”

Jack blinked in surprise, tilting his head a bit in confusion. “Wha-?”

Mark’s mother started into the room, giving Jack a look that only made Jack squirm.

“Mark, you really shouldn’t keep someone like him in your room.” Her tone caused Felix to sit up, angry frown set on his face.

Of course Mark’s mother was prejudiced towards gay people.

Mark had obviously never told her about his own feelings toward the same sex.

“He’s my friend, mom.” Mark mumbled, looking away at the look she gave him, before she gave a sigh.

“So what happened, Mark?”

His head tilted a bit, before he looked up at his mother.

“… I…”

“You’ve had a wonderful life, Mark! There was no reason for you to do anything to yourself. Was it another cry for attention?”

Felix grit his teeth a bit. Mark’s life hadn’t been wonderful… In fact, by the looks of it, Mark had been through a lot too.

Jack had gone through hell at the hands of a sick bastard.

Mark had gone through hell at the hands of not only himself, but…

“N-No, I-!”

“Mark, I really don’t want to hear anymore lies, ok? Just get some sleep.”

Mark’s mouth shut as he glanced away.

He knew his mother didn’t necessarily hate him, not yet. If he ever told her everything wrong with him, or anything about himself, he knew he’d lose her love… And she was always ‘strict’…

So he kept his mouth shut.

With a cracked voice, he finally lied, “Y-Yes, mom. I’m s-sorry, I ju-ust wanted attention…”

Jack knew that wasn’t true, heard the lie in Mark’s voice…

“Obviously… This is the only thing I don’t like about you, Mark… I thought I raised you better…”

“… s-sorry…” Mark’s voice was quiet, barely audible, before he layed back and shut his eyes.

Mark just wanted sleep.

Thinking about what his mother said, ‘another cry for attention’…

Mark wanted to die again.


	26. I'm Gonna Make This Place Your Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um so this story is finally nearing the end; I'm aiming for 35 chapters.
> 
> I'm like... really sad. I've had this universe built one year, three months, and twelve days ago and it's close to being finished. That makes me really sad actually.
> 
> Also this chapter made me feel extremely sad because I kind of used my past as a basis and branched off of it for Mark.
> 
> Warnings for pedophilia, abuse, dub con, and self hatred.

Mark had finally got his mother to go back to Cincinnati when he was discharged.

It seemed like a huge weight had been taken off his shoulders, as he was helped into his house, bandages covering his arms.

Felix held onto him from one side and Jack on the other, guiding him to the couch to sit down.

By then, Jack’s bruises had fully healed and Mark felt much better physically… though after some of the things his mother had said while she was there, he seemed to still feel horrible mentally, maybe even worse.

Because of his second attempt that landed him in the hospital, he was put on suicide watch and given therapy that he had to go to. Mark didn’t seem like he liked the idea of having to go and talk to someone, but…

Mark was diagnosed with depression, again, anxiety, PTSD, and insomnia. He also had other symptoms, such as random bouts of depersonalization, not eating, visual and auditory hallucinations, and passing out randomly.

The last two seemed to mostly be from the stress, lack of sleep, and pain he put himself through, though.

Even though Mark never did tell any of them what he had gone through to have PTSD, Jack found himself wondering what it was.

Even though Mark’s behavior basically said he didn’t want to tell anyone anything that had happened to him, Jack wanted to know.

“You guys can’t stay here all by yourselves.”

Mark glanced up at Wade, who had oddly taken control of the situation. He seemed to be completely worried, still, and everyone listened to him.

“Jack’s still not ok, and Mark is _definitely_ not ok. What if we stay here with you two just like we did with Jack at his house?”

Everyone else mumbled their agreements, before the room went silent again.

“I agree.” Felix finally said, before he looked over at Mark. “But obviously it’s Mark’s decision.”

Mark glanced up, before nodding. “Of course.”

Jack reached forward to graze his fingers over the bandages on his arm, before Mark flinched back. “S-Sorry…”

“It… Jack, I want you to know I love you too.”

Jack blinked up at him in slight surprise, eyes widening a bit. “I- Really?”

“Why do you sound surprised?”

Felix quickly rushed to get everyone out of the room to keep them from being nosey, give Mark and Jack privacy…

Mark glanced up to watch them leave, before resting his face on his hand.

“… ya said… at the hospital…”

“Jack, I love you more than I love myself. That’s probably not saying anything, but I really do love you… a lot…”

Jack watched him for the longest time, before he looked down at his lap. “… Will we ever be ok?” He finally asked, blue eyes looking over at Mark.

Mark fell silent for awhile, before he turned his head to give Jack a tired smile. “You’ll be happy and ok in no time.”

“I said ‘we’…”

Mark looked away again, hands tightening into fists. At least this time he didn’t hurt himself with his nails again.

Jack studied Mark for awhile.

His expression was soft, full of pain and hesitation. His eyes weren’t on Jack, and his skin seemed to still be slightly pale.

“Like I said; you’ll be happy and ok in no time.”

“Mark…”

“What do you want from me?”

Mark’s voice held a sort of hardness that caused Jack to flinch, looking away. Jack’s hands were shaking slightly as he thought of what to say, licking across his pearly teeth.

“I want ya happy.”

Mark snorted, shaking his head and giving a half, sarcastic laugh.

“… I-I’m serious…” Jack mumbled, eyes shutting.

“No you’re not. And even if you were, it wouldn’t matter anyways…”

“Well why the fuck not?”

Mark straightened, turning his head to watch Jack.

Jack’s cheeks had puffed up, eyes half open and filled with tears.

For a moment, Mark stayed silent, before, “Remember when you were in the hospital because Ace made you… a-and you got an infection?”

Jack slowly inclined his head toward the American. “Yeah…?”

“You said that you hated me. That you wanted me to leave you alone. That I was a fucking bastard and you never wanted to see me again.”

“I didn’t m-mean-!”

“I’m not finished.”

Mark looked away finally, swallowing dryly. His tongue felt too thick too speak, throat dry and painful. After a moment of trying desperately to get a good breath into his lungs, he spoke again, heart pounding against his ribs.

“You weren’t the first person to tell me that and you weren’t the first person to tell me that without me actually being a fucking bastard.”

Jack watched him for awhile, mouth opening slowly. He wasn’t sure what to say to that, but he knew that it made him feel like even more of a dick.

“Last time that happened, I couldn’t stop myself from relapsing. Look, I might not have gone through anything as half as bad as you. You’re stronger and you’ve gone through at fucking least twice as much as I have.”

Jack’s eyes watched Mark, to the point that he squirmed.

“You know… a lot about what Ace did ta me. I’ve told you a lot… If you _want_ to talk to me about something… Hell, if ya need too but don’t want too, I’m here to listen.”

Mark let out another bitter laugh, standing on his weak legs.

They shook underneath his weight as he took a few steps forward.

“I’ve liked guys since I was in middle school.” Mark started, the mumble escaping him as he started to pace a bit.

Jack stayed silent, swallowing a bit. He wanted to say something, but he felt like it was going to do more hurt instead of help.

“My mother… she’s not _that_ bad of a person. She told me she loved me, even though when I did anything wrong she’d hit me.”

Jack jolted, eyes widening. Sure, he’d been beaten, ravaged, raped, recorded as he got hurt, cut, broken, and more by one man who had the sadistic want from years of life never acting on it, in the span of about four full years.

But his parents had never layed a hand on him, never.

“It… She even locked me in my room for a month just because I was mean to one of her friends. Who, by the way, was creepy and cruel… She’d tell my mother I did things that I hadn’t if I didn’t let her look at me and _touch_ me.”

“Jesus Christ…”

Mark glanced over at Jack, who was resting his face in his hands.

Mark grasped one of his arms gently, breathing hitching. He’d never told anyone about this…

Mark had never been truly raped, not like Jack, never been abused so brutally, but he at least understood dimly.

He wanted to rip off his bandages, rip his stitches open.

Mark wanted to die again.

“Her friend wasn’t the first. An old boyfriend of hers… used to touch me when she wasn’t home. I-I told my mom once. She told me to quit lying. She called it a cry for attention. Sure. I wanted attention. I wanted someone to pay attention to my pain so it’d fucking stop!”

Jack flinched, looking up at Mark with foggy blue eyes. “I’m sorry, Mark. I hate… God, no one should ‘ave treated you like that…”

“I-I had to hold my dad in my arms as he died… I s-still feel like, sometimes… That he wouldn’t be proud of me…”

Jack shook his head, opening his mouth to say something, but Mark just continued to speak without leaving room for him too.

“And then came Jesse. Because I was dating her, my mother kicked me out of the house. She didn’t like Jesse and honestly I didn’t either. Jesse figured out I liked guys, started hitting me when she didn’t get her way. And when we broke up, I met Martin.”

Jack heard the waver in his voice, wincing.

Something had happened between Mark and Martin.

Jack felt sick, teeth clenching to keep himself from doing anything stupid. It took a moment before he found his voice, quiet; “Mark, what happened with Martin?”

“He was the first one to find out I self harmed. I had for years by then… I had started Youtube then too… Actually, a few months before I met you we had actually broke up. A-Anyways… He pretended he wanted me happy. Said I was a beautiful, kind person that shouldn’t be hurt like that. And then he wanted sex and I didn’t. But…”

Mark glanced away.

He felt horrible about the mistake he had made. But thinking about Martin made him feel even worse…

“You said yes even though you meant no just to make me happy. I understood that. I knew what it felt like to be fucked up like that. Martin guilted me into having sex with him, told me as many sweet lies as he could, just to fuck me and you know what? After I finally **forced** myself to have sex with him, the next morning, he punched me straight in the face and said exactly what you said to me.”

Jack curled his arms around his stomach, eyes shutting. He wanted to apologize, wanted to take away all of Mark’s pain.

“I’ve been told by person after person that I’m a horrible idiot. That I’m a fuck up, a mistake. Hell Martin even told me that I should die before he left. And you know what, I didn’t. I never really tried until Daniel died. And then here… Not only was I already hurting myself because I thought you… I tried to kill myself because everything came crashing down and I loved you but I hurt you just the same as Martin had… You were as uncomfortable and unwilling as I was… But you said stop… I never did, no matter how badly I wanted too.”

“Mark…”

Jack’s voice calmed him, his shaking hands suddenly getting thrust into his pockets.

Numb panic swirled in his stomach and made his skin tingle, but Mark tried to just breathe and force the attack away.

“Jack, and it’s not just that. Those were the physical things that happened. I just hate myself! I have panic attacks on regular intervals, I can’t stay happy for long enough… I harm myself because I hate myself!”

“You’re perfect ta me!”

Mark’s raised hand from when he frantically spoke with his hands to convey his self hatred slowly lowered as Jack sobbed.

“Y-You’re _perfect_ to me…”

Mark forced himself to try to breathe, before sitting down next to Jack on the couch.

“Y-You want to know something, Jack?”

Jack glanced up, wiping away the last of his tears.

“W-What?”

“You’re perfect to me, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually cried while writing this chapter.
> 
> Jack's abuse had always been something I entirely made up without any help of real life experiences, but Mark's case had always been close to my own.
> 
> His mother was my father. The friend of his mother's was my step mother. My actual mother's boyfriend was the boyfriend. But at least in his case he tried to say something.
> 
> I stayed quiet for three years about it before I was forced to talk about it so it could be used against my mom and me.
> 
> Jesse was physically abusive and Martin was mentally abusive.
> 
> My old girlfriend was just mentally abusive, and I've had plenty of mentally abusive friends that Mark has in common with me.
> 
> I'm just... writing this chapter really sucked...


	27. Nasty Trashy Pig Shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for homophobia, racism, bullying, and talk about self harm.
> 
> Also, I made the biggest reference ever in this chapter; a certain character way later is practically the same exact character in one of my favorite games except with an American name.

The sound of breaking glass startled Felix awake.

Felix quickly scrambled to the kitchen where he had heard the sound, only to see Jack seated on the floor.

He was grasping the sides of his head, tears spilling down his cheeks. His feet were bleeding, and right next to him was a pile of broken glass.

“I-I’m sor-rry, I d-dro-opped… D-Don-n’t hur-rt me-e, ple-eas-se…”

Felix softly kneeled next to him, sighing a bit as he wiped the Irishman’s tears away. “I’m not going to hurt you… Come here…”

He held Jack as Jack shook, grasping at Felix’s shirt in tight fists.

They stayed like that for awhile, even when others came to see what had happened and started cleaning up the glass.

“I’ll grab some bandages for your feet. I-I think I saw a piece of glass, so I’ll grab some tweezers.”Mark offered, quickly turning.

“Maybe we should take him to the hospital?” Wade offered, tossing the remaining shards into a plastic bag before dumping the bag into the trash.

“It’s fine.” Mark answered, waving Wade off.

After Mark had diligently fixed up Jack’s feet, he offered to carry him to the bed.

“Mark, I don’t think you’ll be carrying anything…” Matthias’ voice wavered as he gestured to Mark’s arms with a grimace.

Mark’s hands tightened, before he let his arms fall limply to his sides.

“R-Right… Sorry, I… I’m gonna make myself something to drink…”

Felix looked away, before picking Jack up and carrying him to the bed Mark and Jack were sharing.

Mark started to make tea, quietly offering to make some for anyone else.

Ryan slowly came up to him, before he grabbed Mark’s shoulder softly.

“Here, I’ll make that for you. Just go sit down, ok?”

“… I… Alright…”

Nights were the hardest.

Mark had insomnia, so someone always had to stay up with him or at least keep an ear out for him.

They took shifts through the night to make sure Mark didn’t hurt himself again.

Jack, however, still had nightmares.

This meant if someone was on shift, they had to worry about Jack too.

Felix remembered one night when Mark was desperately trying to wake Jack up, while Jack squirmed and lashed out.

Jack’s fists and feet pounded against Mark, to the point where Mark screamed in pain, launching back and off the bed.

Felix found him on the floor, holding his arms close and panicking horribly.

Jack felt completely awful about it, even when Mark mumbled it wasn’t his fault and he forgave Jack.

Mark had still started bleeding again because of it.

By the time 2 weeks finally rolled by, everyone there was completely exhausted.

“Alright, I have an idea.”

By then, the only people who actually were living in Mark’s house were Wade, Bob, Felix, Ken, and Jack.

Matthias had to go back home when Amanda had their baby.

Matt and Ryan had left, begrudgingly, when a week had passed.

Mark and Jack were in good hands, so they hadn’t had to worry, but…

Ken was talking.

“Yeah?” Jack asked, tilting his head up at the other.

“We’ve been here in this house for awhile now. Either watching movies, recording, playing games… So we should go outside. Besides, you two are paler than ever; and Jack, you kind of look _way_ too pale.”

Jack sighed, snorting a bit as he glanced at his arm.

He’d definitely lost color from being inside so long…

Mark had gone slightly paler, but he still looked tanner than Jack ever could.

“Sounds like a great idea! Come on.” Felix quickly helped Mark off the couch, before pulling Jack up right after.

Mark glanced down at his now unbandaged arms.

He hated the scars, and honestly going out with them…

“I-I think I’ll stay here instead.”

“Like hell you are.”

Mark looked away, sighing. Of course. Bob had immediately said no, and honestly, Mark didn’t blame him.

If Mark was left alone, he’d have the means to hurt himself. He couldn’t promise he wouldn’t, either.

“Where are we going then?”

Mark’s skin felt warm in the sun.

His eyes shut as he adjusted the hat set on his head. After Jack suggested they get ice cream, they ended up in a park.

It felt nice, a soft breeze blowing and the sun’s rays pressing against himself calmly.

“Are we even in LA?”

“I mean, sorta.”

Mark looked up, raising an eyebrow.

Ken shrugged a bit. “A little outside. Why did you think we stayed in the car for so long?”

“… Oh, right…”

Mark looked down over the railing, looking at the green before him.

He felt like an idiot. Of course, they’d been in the car for pretty much hours and he hadn’t even realized that hey they were leaving LA for a bit.

One of his hands went to softly graze against his scars, pressing down a bit.

Mark wanted to bleed again.

“Hey.”

Jack’s voice startled him, hand going up to grip the railing to keep himself from crumpling.

Jack stayed a few steps away from the railing, laughing nervously. Right, he was afraid of heights.

Mark took a few steps back to stand with Jack.

“It’s nice outside, huh?”

“… I wanted ta talk to you.”

Mark froze, fear raking against his core. All types of reasons why Jack would want to talk to him swirled around his head, most of them bad reasons. But…

“… Y-Yeah…?”

Jack took a deep breath in and let it out right after.

The sound of Jack breathing seemed to calm Mark a bit, at least.

“It’s been a long time since I was saved from Ace. It’s been a long time since ‘a met you… I don’t think yer ever gonna do it, so…”

Mark turned his head, about to ask what the fuck Jack was on about, before suddenly Jack’s lips were on his.

Jack’s arms found themselves resting on Mark’s shoulders, wrapped around him.

Mark’s arms wrapped around Jack’s waist, melting into the warmth of their kiss.

This felt different.

It felt like fireworks, like sparks of electricity bursting through Mark’s body.

It was the same for Jack, who completely melted into the warmth, pressing himself closer just to feel the comfort radiating off of Mark.

“Fucking faggots…”

Mark immediately released the kiss, arms unhooking from around him to look around for where the stranger’s voice had come from.

An older man was glaring toward them, the girl next to him snickering a bit.

“I… I, uh…” Mark mumbled, pulling away from Jack further.

“Someone like you shouldn’t even be alive. Come on, Claire.”

The girl, maybe a teenager or a little kid?, allowed the man to pull her away, bursting into cruel laughter. She made sure to walk slowly, so Mark could hear what she said.

“I bet he just goes after men cause the women wouldn’t even give him a chance. Pfft, he’s an ugly Asian! Maybe we should just call him a woman himself with how small his dick probably is. Plus, I think I recognize him. He’s that Markiplier idiot. I heard only 12 year olds and retarded people watch him! I also heard he tried to kill himself. Wish he had, just another thing wrong with the world today. He needs to be squished like the Mr. Ants. Just another nasty trashy pig shit.”

Mark was shaking, tears spilling down his cheeks as he tried to keep himself standing.

“H-Hey, Mark, don’t…” Felix mumbled, pulling him into a hug.

Mark quickly pushed him off and rushed away, running in a random direction just to stay away from them.

He didn’t want their sympathy.

He didn’t even _really_ want to die, either.

Mark just wanted to be happy.

“S-So why can’t I…?”


	28. Somehow 'Strong' Means Me Too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for bullying, mental abuse, and Jack being a fucking dick.
> 
> Sorry, I just got a bit mad.

Jack started after him.

Wade quickly grabbed at his shoulder, spinning him around. “Hey, hey, it’s ok. We’ll all go and find him, come on. He couldn’t have gone very far.”

Jack stared up at Wade, before sighing shakily and giving a nod.

Mark collapsed next to a tree.

He had realized awhile back that this park had a largely wooded area, to the point that Mark was pretty much lost.

He was used to racism by then, he had heard it all in school and sometimes when he left the comfort of his home he’d hear racist comments and jokes here and there.

He hadn’t heard the word faggot in a long, long time.

It made him want to throw up.

So he did.

Mark’s hand pressed against the tree next to him as he puked, barely able to keep him up on his other hand and knees. Sobs rolled through his chest as he shook.

He wanted to bleed again…

\----

Mark’s smile faded.

For a moment, he didn’t understand what was happening, as one of the kids from his 4th period caged him against the wall.

“W-What’s- I thought you guys… wanted to hang out?” Mark asked, voice quiet and confused.

“Like we’d ever hang out with you. No, I wanted to talk to you about how you keep looking at my friend here.”

Mark glanced behind the boy pressing him into the wall to see his crush.

For a moment, cold gripped at Mark’s core, him giving a sharp, dry swallow.

The blonde boy looked up, blue eyes sharp.

Suddenly a hand was grabbing at his throat, squeezing the air and pinching his windpipe.

Mark choked, hands going up to claw the hand away from him. Pained tears started in his eyes as he tried desperately to get him off.

“Listen here, faggot. If I ever catch you looking at him like that again, I’ll tie you up and let you die slowly in the basement of the school.”

Mark gave a whine, vision blurring and tunneling, before suddenly the hand was off him.

Mark fell to his hands and knees, trying desperately to get air into his lungs.

Mark heard them leave, sobbing as he curled into himself.

“I-I’m sorry…”

Mark quickly scrambled to his feet and rushed home, ignoring his mom and dad as he rushed up to his room to drop off his stuff.

Mark stared at the mirror across from him, before he rushed into his bathroom, grabbing one of the razors his mother kept in there and cracking it open to get to one of the blades.

It took a long time before he finally pressed it against his unmarked arm.

Mark stared for the longest time, before giving a swift movement of his hand.

Blood immediately started to prick up, dripping lazily from the cut.

“… I-I… I’m sor-rry…”

\----

Mark felt someone’s arms wrap around him and help him to his feet.

“Jesus, Mark… Are you ok?”

Mark looked up into Wade’s eyes. For a moment, he just stared, before the tears in his eyes spilled over again and he turned, sobbing into Wade’s chest.

No wonder Jack did this so often. Mark immediately started to feel much better, hands gripping at Wade’s shirt and sobs shaking his whole body.

Mark fell asleep in the car.

The whole drive toward the house was near silent as they let him sleep, since he had obviously needed it.

“It’s my fault again…” Jack finally mumbled, cursing under his breath.

“No it wasn’t. It was those two, remember? Especially the girl…” Felix immediately argued, looking behind him.

They were in Mark’s van, with Ken and Bob in the two front seats. Felix and Wade sat in the two middle seats, which left Jack and Mark in the three seater in the back.

It left Mark room to sleep with his head in Jack’s lap.

“I’m the one who kissed him right there in front of anyone. I-I didn’t even get to ask him out…”

Felix sighed a bit, before smiling softly. “You’re ready to ask him out?”

“Yeah… God, after a long fucking time… I should have just asked before…”

For a moment, Jack went silent, just running his fingers gently through Mark’s fading red hair.

“I love him. I jus’ wish he realized it…”

“Did he tell you?”

Jack looked up when Wade suddenly got into the conversation, twisting to stare back at them as well.

“About…?”

“About Martin.”

Jack sighed, glancing away. Of course it was about that douche bag…

“Did he tell you how Martin used to tell Mark that he loved him? Martin used to tell Mark that no one else did, used to make Mark think the only person in the world who actually cared was him. And then he betrayed Mark.”

“So… he doesn’t believe anyone could love him?”

“He doesn’t believe anyone actually does, even if they say they do.”

Jack gave a small noise of anger, looking down into Mark’s face. He wondered how someone could break Mark like that?

Jack couldn’t help a small, horrible passing thought; Mark was weaker than him.

For a moment, Jack’s throat seemed to constrict, causing his breathing to stutter.

Mark had been broken by words, that was it. Martin had never layed a hand on him. Jesse had never hurt him as brutally as Ace had. Mark had never been raped, not like him.

But somehow Mark was the one trying to kill himself, the one who was completely and utterly broken with even less chance of getting better than Jack did.

The cruel thought caused Jack’s lip to curl into his mouth, teeth sinking in.

Mark was weaker than him to the point he’d hurt the one he loved because he was so depersonalized.

The only good thing about the thought was Jack’s resolve of helping Mark solidified.

Jack felt guilty about the thought, but he just shoved it away and tried to forget about it.

“I’ll help ‘im. I’ll help him get happy a-an’ healthy and _stronger_.”

“He’s pretty strong already.”

Jack looked over at Felix, who had a weird expression on his face.

“How old is Mark?” Felix finally asked, as if he knew the answer and he just wanted Jack to say it himself.

“Uh… 27? Why?”

“Mark has been through years and years of constant abuse by different people and constant self hatred. He’s survived this long without much help at all, and not only that, he’s helped people and sacrificed himself, his happiness, and his health for others. I’d say that’s pretty fucking strong, if a bit unhealthy.”

Jack swallowed, glancing down at Mark again.

It was true that Mark had survived a long time with how much pain he’d been put through.

Prolonged pain by multiple people… to the point where Mark probably thought everyone hurt him because he was horrible and didn’t deserve happiness…

Jack grimaced, realizing how fucked up the previous thought had been.

Mark wasn’t weaker than Jack.

In fact, looking at it like this, Mark was much stronger.

Jack hadn’t sacrificed as much as Mark did. His parents had both loved him. He had amazing friends and only one person had ever really hurt him.

Mark had suffered abuse after abuse from different hands and different mouths, from himself, from mental disorders and for a lot longer than Jack.

Mark had given into weaknesses he had, but that didn’t make him weak.

Jack felt disgusted with himself.

Maybe this was why Ace had hurt him.

Then Jack definitely had deserved it.


	29. The Reason I Love You Is You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for graphic dub con, as in Mark allows it too happen even if he didn't want too. So NSFW between the ----s.

****“Get some sleep, Mark…”

Mark sighed through his nose, covering his face with his arm and groaning a bit.

“I can’t… I tried already, ok? I can’t…”

Jack bit his lip.

They were back to sleeping in their shared bed, Jack curled up as the little spoon and Mark’s arm wrapped underneath him protectively.

Jack watched him for awhile, before sitting up.

“What’s wrong?” Mark asked, inclining his head to look up at Jack.

“I wanted to say something to you. I couldn’t cause of that bitch at the park.”

“She was probably a little girl; you can’t call her a bitch…”

“Alright, she’s a little bitch. Either way, I had something I wanted to say…”

Mark sat up, looking down at his lap.

Scarlet fell into his eyes and blocked the swirl of emotions going through Mark’s deep brown eyes.

Jack’s eyes snapped away, biting his lip harshly. His heart pounded against his ribs, a shaky breath escaping him.

“Mark, I… I wanted ta ask you… Fuck, Mark, I want ta be with you for the rest of my life.”

Mark snapped up to look at Jack with wide eyes, whole body frozen. His mouth dropped open slightly, before snorting, fake, pained laugh escaping him.

“Did you just ask me to marry you, Jack?”

“… That is how it came across, huh?”

Jack thought a moment.

He’d marry Mark. That was definitely how he felt, purely in love with Mark. However…

“N-No, no. I was asking if you’d date me… God, sorry, ‘a’m fuckin’ awkward.”

Mark seemed to relax a bit, even though he was still slightly shocked.

“Really…?  Jack, I… I just tried to kill myself. I took advantage of you, I… How could you ever want to be with something like me?”

Jack scowled, blue eyes sharp.

“I already said it didn’t fuckin’ matter. I’ve felt pain before, I know when someone’s sadistic and wants ta hurt me; you didn’t. You weren’t yerself. And another thing, if I didn’t want to be with you just because you tried to kill yourself, I’d be a horrible person. I would ‘ave deserved everything Ace had done ta me.”

Mark stared at him a few moments, before a small smile finally quirked up on his lips.

“Jack… Thank you…”

Jack smiled back, before he went forward to hug Mark, tightly.

Mark hugged back, getting lost in the warmth he felt from the hug, inhaling Jack’s scent deeply.

Jack smelled like strawberry, which was the flavor of shampoo he had used while out here.

Jack was a little shorter than Mark, so the position of the hug he was in had his arms wrapped around Mark’s neck and resting on his shoulders.

Mark’s own arms wrapped gently around Jack’s waist, eyes shutting as he continued to relish in the happiness the hug brought him.

Jack tugged Mark so they would lay down, before planting a kiss right on Mark’s jaw.

Mark let out a small laugh, quickly capturing Jack’s lips before he pulled away.

Mark finally felt comfortable enough to sleep. It was odd, shutting his eyes and trying to get his restless mind and heart to slow down, trying to feel as at ease as Jack was.

Mark had hoped the comfort he felt would magically cure his insomnia, but he knew it wouldn’t work like that.

Instead, he pulled Jack even closer, shut his eyes, and ignored his thoughts.

After about an hour of just laying there, he finally fell into a light sleep, breathing softly.

\----

Mark felt Martin enter him, giving a whine as he felt himself be filled.

He definitely hadn’t been ready for this.

His breathing was fucked up, panic constricting his lungs as suddenly Martin’s hands were on his throat, choking him as the other started ramming into him at too fast a pace.

Mark wanted to say stop.

He at least wanted to tell him to take it easy, pain bursting through him as his virginity was taken away.

Mark felt like he should have been prepped more, like he should have been cared for easier since it was his first time, but Martin loved him, right…?

Mark wanted to do anything he could to make his boyfriend happy.

His vision tunneled as Martin continued to choke him, nerves suddenly hyper sensitive.

Mark gave a cry as suddenly it was too fucking much, tears starting in his eyes as he choked and writhed.

Martin didn’t say a word, just taking his hands off of Mark’s throat finally and reaching down to bite at Mark’s skin, leaving dark bruises as he pierced the flesh.

Mark wanted to say stop.

He hated this, continuing to writhe and cry and scream.

“M-M-Ma-art-tin, c-ca-an y-y-you ta-ake it eas-sy…?” He finally whimpered, hands going out to grasp at the sheets.

Sweat clung to his forehead and neck, causing his hair to stick.

“You don’t trust me, Mark? You don’t trust I won’t make you feel good? Do you not love me, Mark?”

Mark’s breathing stuttered, another whine escaping him as his entire being seemed to throb in emotional and physical _pain_.

“… I-I tru-ust yo-ou…” He finally mumbled, choked sob escaping him.

Martin reached forward to card his fingers through Mark’s hair, slowly continuing to move in and out.

Mark’s teeth gritted, hands shaking as he forced himself to be ok with this.

“You’ll let me?”

“… y-ye-es…”

\----

Jack wasn’t sure if he should wake Mark since he was obviously having a nightmare, or let him sleep since he had insomnia and sleep was a rare and needed thing.

Mark’s breathing was erratic, hands gripping onto the bed tightly as he started giving choked sobs, to the point where Jack thought he was going to throw up.

“Hey—oh, Jesus…”

Jack looked up, grimace set on his lips as Felix quickly went to the side of the bed and hovered his hands over Mark.

“Mhm… A-Ah… hur-rts…”

Felix flinched, gritting his teeth.

“Should I wake him?” Felix whispered, looking up at the rest of the guys standing at the door.

Mark suddenly inhaled sharply…

… and stopped breathing.

“H-Hey… Mark? Mark?!” Jack suddenly screamed, shaking his shoulders.

Mark’s eyes snapped open, choking breaths just barely making it into his lungs, hands going up to grip at his hair, tears filling his eyes.

“Breathe, breathe, please…” Jack mumbled, unsure of what to do.

“Just—Mark, you’re ok… Calm down…” Felix tried to soothe, relaxing as soon as Mark’s breathing started to even out.

Mark gripped the sheets tightly, swallowing hard.

“… s-sorry…”

“Mark…” Felix sighed, pressing his hand against Mark’s forehead.

“… I think he has a fever. Hey, how come I became the mother here?” Felix finally asked, twisting to glance at the others who were still huddled near the door.

“I think you gave yourself that job. I’ll go grab a wash cloth.” Ken answered, before he turned and went to grab one like he said.

Jack carded his fingers through Mark’s hair, clenching his teeth. Mark had been in pure distress in his sleep, to the point where Mark actually thought he was going to literally die.

“… Mark, are you ok?”

Mark didn’t answer for a long time, just shakily swinging himself over so he was sitting on the edge of the bed, letting Felix go into his drawers to grab a thermometer.

“… Jack, I’m ok. Thank you.”

Jack snorted a bit, before going forward, wrapping his arms around Mark.

“I wanna thank you."


	30. Almost Alright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been having a bit of trouble getting myself to write this. I had days to write till the end, but I only got two finished. I've been thinking about what to write next... I was thinking about an MPreg story tbh, and to work on the Dangan Ronpa story. I probably won't make the MPreg one Septiplier? I dunno, I might not even actually upload it... I need new ideas, since I only have a bunch of other stories to rewrite and update...
> 
> Warnings: A bit of an NSFW scene at the end, in the shower *waggles eyebrows*. Some stuff about Felix's gun shot.

Mark had passed out.

As Felix helped him into the living room since they had wanted to keep him close and care for him, his body went limp and all of his consciousness ceased.

“J-Jesus, c’mon, Mark…” Jack mumbled, wrapping an arm around his boyfriend’s waist and pulling his body to lay him on the couch with Felix.

When Mark woke up a few minutes later, a blanket was wrapped around him and a cool, wet washcloth was on his forehead.

“Hey, I wonder if doctors make house calls anymore…” Wade mumbled.

“Hhh, shut up, Wade…” Bob mumbled, though it was said tiredly, to the point where Wade didn’t necessarily care.

Felix finally got the thermometer into Mark’s mouth to check the temperature.

102.6.

“Oh, god…” Felix mumbled worriedly. He sighed, before trying to peel the blanket off.

“N-No…” Mark whined, hands going up to grip the blanket.

“You have too high a fever, Mark… You can’t stay underneath the blanket; you’ll heat up even more.” Felix explained, finally getting it from Mark’s weak hands and tossing it to the floor.

“We need to take him to the hospital.” Ken said, frowning as he stared at Mark’s weak movements.

“I-I don’t need i-it…” Mark mumbled, turning a bit to stare at them with glassy eyes.

“Mark… Please…” Jack begged, coming forward to place a soft hand to his cheek.

Mark watched Jack for a few moments, eyes barely focused, before he nodded.

“It’s a psychosomatic fever.”

Jack glanced up at the doctor speaking with them, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “Wha’s that mean?”

“It’s caused by high emotional distress or chronic stress. Has anything happened recently that could have caused this?”

Jack looked away from her, glancing at Felix.

They all looked to Felix, which caused the Swede to give a small sigh.

“Seriously, when did I become the mother…? Mark tried to kill himself two weeks ago. He’s been having regular panic attacks and he’s passed out on multiple occasions by now. He doesn’t have good sleep either, and has been diagnosed with insomnia, depression, anxiety, and PTSD.”

Jack lifted his head, giving a dry swallow. “A-And… yesterday, we were kissing in th’ park… When these two p-people…”

“One of them called him a… F-Fuck, and the girl said a lot of things before finally saying he should have died.” Wade finished.

The doctor stared at them, before taking off her glasses.

“And… after that, he ran off, and threw up… And then he had a nightmare after…” Ken mumbled.

“The encounter must have triggered something. Memories that caused the fever... and the passing out is probably caused by stress…”

Jack rubbed his eye tiredly, watching his lap. He hated still having to go through this.

Jack turned around and hugged Felix tightly.

Felix looked over at him, before hugging back.

“I-I… Felix, Ace is dead. I’ve been saved from him, I found out Mark loved me an’ hell, I even asked him out an’ he said yes. Why the fuck can’t I jus’ have… H-Have my happy endin’… Why can’t Mark get his happy ending already?”

Felix watched Jack for the longest time, pushing green out of his eyes. “… Jack, if you’ve already gotten together, you’re on your way to a happy ending!”

Jack sighed, looking to the floor. “I-I jus’… I’m afraid…”

Felix didn’t answer, just started rubbing his honorary brother’s back gently. It was awhile before any of them spoke.

“How are they supposed to help a psycho-whatever fever?” Ken finally asked, crossing his arms.

“Psychosomatic. I’ll go ask. Come on, Wade.” Bob answered, dragging Wade along with him to find the doctor.

Jack cuddled close to Felix, sobbing into his chest. He hated this, worry gnawing at his core as he pressed his face into Felix’s chest. A memory shifted into his forebrain, causing him to pull away.

“Y-Your gun shot…”

Felix winced, glancing away.

Jack nearly cursed himself. Sure he’d been through trauma and Mark was self destructing, but here was Felix, the accidental self appointed mother, going through all of this with them.

“Do… Do you…”

“I had to have therapy.”

Jack’s hands bunched up into fists, reaching up to bite his thumb nervously. This… This wasn’t right… Mark should have never been hurt, Felix should have never been shot, they never…

“N-None of you should have ever known…”

Felix snapped to attention, looking over at Jack in confusion. “What are you talking about…?”

“I should h-have just taken it… Th-This isn’t right… Y-You got shot tryin’ ta protect me, a-and if I hadn’t be-een here I wouldn’t ha-ave sent Mark o-over, h-he wouldn’t have taken i-it so fa-ar…”

Felix’s eyes were sharp as he gently grabbed Jack’s cheeks and twisted him so he would look at Felix.

“None of this is your fault. You never should have felt that pain in the first place. I would give my life to protect you, I don’t regret taking that bullet one bit. I just regret that the only thing it did was draw attention so we’d go after you that much quicker. I wanted to make sure you never got hurt again, not that you would get hurt a few hours less…”

“Thank you.” Jack finally spoke, chest quaking as he tried to still his tears that had started. “I-I love you, Felix…”

Felix smiled, pulling him into a hug. “I love you too, Jack.”

Mark sat up slowly, eyes half open. It took a moment for his head to clear, before voices finally started in his ears.

“… awake! Mark, Jesus…” Jack sighed, sitting on the edge of the hospital bed and hugging Mark close.

“We need ta relax a bit, Mark. Especially you.”

Mark smiled a bit, nodding as he hugged Jack back.

“Yeah… Sounds like a plan.”

Mark felt the water pelt against him, hair soaking it in and dripping the water down the drain heavily.

The shower felt nice, as the water seemed to wash away his pain.

The door opening caused his head to raise, looking over as he heard someone start to get undressed.

“… h-hey?”

“Hey, Mark.”

Jack’s voice was even, as suddenly the shower curtain opened.

Mark inhaled in shock as Jack stepped into the shower with him, a smile set on his lips.

Mark swallowed, the water bombarding his back and dripping down his chest.

Suddenly, Mark was acutely aware of how naked they both were, giving a nervous smile back.

“… you were takin’ forever, Mark. Want my help?”

Mark exhaled quickly as Jack touched his chest softly, one of his arms wrapping around Mark’s neck and resting on his shoulder.

“… are you s-sure, Jack?”

“Of course.”

Mark relaxed, already noticing that Jack was comfortable, eyes shutting as Jack grabbed the shampoo and started to clean Mark’s hair.

“I, uh… I-I… Thank you, Jack…”

Jack smiled a bit, reaching up to plant a kiss on Mark’s jaw.

Mark held him close, arms wrapped around Jack’s pale waist as he let Jack wash his hair and start on washing his body.

Jack’s hands hesitated above Mark’s scarred arms, before he reached down and started kissing the scars gently.

Mark felt tears spring up in his eyes at the action, smiling softly before Jack continued his movements of cleaning Mark’s body.

“F-Fuck…” Mark mumbled as Jack’s hand found its way to his member, quietly lingering a moment before continuing down to his legs.

Mark softly turned them once Jack had finished, even going so far as to put conditioner in Mark’s hair.

Mark started to return the favor, threading his shampoo covered fingers through green and reaching down to gently kiss Jack.

By the time Mark got close to Jack’s own dick, he pretty much skipped it.

Jack snorted, but didn’t say anything until Mark had finished washing him off.

“If you’re worried I’m not ready, don’t be. ‘a came into th’ shower cause I wanted to tell you that I trust you.”

There was some sort of emotion underneath Jack’s words, as Mark hesitated before gently and shakily gliding his fingertips over Jack’s member.

Jack’s breathing hitched, hands going out to grasp at Mark’s arms with a soft smile, cheeks turning a bit pink.

Mark quickly lathered a small bit of soap on his hand and started gently stroking and cleaning him, noticing as Jack bit his lip before washing it off.

“H-Heh, Mark, I definitely didn’t wash ya enough then.” Jack mumbled, before he shut off the water and started out the shower.

“Here…” He finally said after wrapping a towel around himself and holding a towel for Mark.

Jack started to dry him off, wrapping the towel around Mark and rubbing the water off.

A moment later, Mark’s breathing hitched, swallowing as the towel was suddenly around his nipple, squeezing and twisting a bit.

Mark quickly grabbed the towel and wrapped it around him tightly, taking it from Jack.

“H-Huh…? What’s wrong?” Jack asked, eyes widening worriedly.

Mark breathed heavily, hands tightening around the towel.

“Y-You… I… I’m sorry…” He finally mumbled, quickly getting dressed and rushing out of the bathroom.

Jack cursed, getting dressed. Of course he had to fuck up like that.

Jack completely hated himself for it.


	31. Fix You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably my new favorite chapter out of all of them. I'm trying to finish the story, since I only have a bit longer. But it kinda hurts because I love this story and it'll be one of the only ones I'll actually finish...

Felix was packing.

For a moment, Jack didn’t know what to say, just watching from the doorway as Felix continued to put his clothes into his suitcases.

Felix glanced up, giving a small scream and falling backwards as he saw Jack in the doorway.

“F-Fucking Christ, Jack!” Felix pressed his hand to his chest, hand tightening around his shirt.

“S-Sorry! Where are ya going…?” Jack asked, taking small steps into the room.

Mark’s house was smaller than Jack’s, so there was a lot of packing people in tight. Felix shared this guest room with Ken, sleeping on the bed while Ken used the air mattress.

The other was used by both Bob and Wade, with an air mattress for Wade.

Mark and Jack shared his room.

When Ryan and Matt were there, they used the two couches.

“Marzia’s due date is soon. I have to be there for our baby.” Felix answered, though he looked a little worried.

Jack grimaced, eyes looking away. Now he felt bad for two things…

“What’s wrong…?” Felix asked suddenly, sidestepping the bed and getting close.

“I… I j-jus’ fucked up…” Jack finally whimpered, going forward to grip Felix’s shirt and sob.

Felix wrapped his arms around the smaller man, blinking in surprise. “What happened?”

“W-We… sh-showered tagether, a-an’ I… I don’t know what h-happened, I w-went too far…?” Jack’s voice cracked and hitched at random intervals, sobs thumping through his chest.

“W-With… With Mark?” Felix asked, before quickly shoving Jack away and rushing out the room.

Jack winced a bit, wiping away the tears in his eyes and rushing to follow.

Jack breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of Mark holding onto Felix, unharmed.

Mark glanced up at Jack, a look of pride nearly unnoticeable in his eyes. Mark was proud of himself for not hurting himself.

Jack practically fell to his hands and knees, thanking whatever the fuck was above. “I-I’m sorry, Mark…”

“No, no, it’s my fault… I-I just got scared… It was after a shower, we were getting too close too fast, a-and it kind of reminded me of something.”

Jack shakily hugged himself, mumbling apologies and ‘I love you’s over and over, until Mark had finally detangled himself from Felix, who immediately left the room once he had, and went down to hug Jack.

“It’s alright, I love you too, Jack… I’m sorry.” Mark mumbled, holding him close.

Jack hugged back tightly, arms wrapped around Mark’s waist. “Why…?”

“Because you think you have to walk on eggshells around me… All of you do… God, I was so good before. A little over half a year of being happy… I was sleeping! I wasn’t hurting myself, I was happy… And then you needed me and I forced myself to not go through with what I really wanted to do to myself because _you needed me_ … And it was ok, I pretended I was fine… Went a little crazy, took advantage of you way to fucking much… But I didn’t want to die… And then I had a passing thought that after this you won’t need me, or want me, or want to ever be around me again and I sent myself into this fucking hell! I’m sorry that you thought any of this was your fault, but all of it was mine. I took advantage of you and I let myself numbly go through motions that weren’t me! I h-hurt… I hurt you… I fucked up so much that honestly I wouldn’t even be surprised if all of you hated me… I wouldn’t b-be surprised if you left me, even though we’re dating and you basically proposed to me.”

“O-On accident…”

“Yeah, I know… God, Jack, the point is I’m dead! I have been for a long time. A-And I don’t think even you could bring me back to life.”

Jack stared up at him for the longest time, before he detached his arms from around Mark’s waist and reached up to curl his fingers gently through Mark’s still wet, silky scarlet/black hair.

“… Mark, I was pretty much dead too. I’ve b-been through hell… And I worry about you constantly… But I love you. With all my heart. So let me try ta fix you, ok? L-Let me… Let me heal ya… Let me be yer remedy.”

Mark let out a small, humorless laugh. “If I had to pick my poison, it’d be you.”

Jack gave a half smile that didn’t really convey any happiness, forcing himself to stand and help Mark up too.

Jack reached down to kiss Mark’s scarred arm, running his fingers along a jagged one trailing down his arm instead of across.

“You’re not broken, Mark. I promise. Yer jus’ not perfectly ok, and no one is. I’m going to help you. You’ll see.”

Mark swallowed dryly, chocolate eyes looking away as he tried to think of something to say, anything to say. His hand shook as Jack continued to hold his arm, staring up at him with ocean eyes.

And then Mark burst into tears.

Jack let Mark sink down to sob into his shoulder, held onto his waist as Mark sobbed wordlessly.

Jack felt his shirt start to get wet from Mark’s tears and undoubtedly his snot and spit too, but Jack didn’t care, just holding onto the American as he shook, violently.

Tiredly, Mark finally inclined his head, and mumbled a thank you.

Jack rubbed his back gently, turning his head to live a kiss on Mark’s jaw.

“You’re welcome… I love ya with all my heart.”

Mark grinned, eyes slightly dull from tiredness and the emotional strain this had put him on, but happy nonetheless.

“Jack, can w-we go to sleep?”

Jack snorted, nodding his head a bit.

“… but Mark, I wanted to talk to you about somethin’… a-apologize fer something…”

“You have nothing to apologize for.” Mark waved him off, starting to detangle himself from Jack and climb into their bed.

“… Mark, yer not weak.”

Mark glanced up, tilting his head a bit in confusion. “… a-alright…? I don’t think I believe that very much but…”

“I thought you were weak…” Jack tried, voice cracking and dying out. He swallowed, clearing his throat.

Mark flinched a bit, looking away. His hands shook a small bit. The pride in himself he’d had before seemed like nothing compared to this crushing despair set deep in his brown eyes.

Jack shook his head, realizing how it sounded. “N-No, Mark, let me finish… I thought you were weak, b-but Felix explained somethin’ too me… You’ve been goin’ through hell for a long, long time… I-I’ve been going through it fer four years… You… You were made ta feel like nothin’ by so many fuckin’ people… I-I can’t imagine how that musta hurt… I’ve been hurt a lot, Mark. I’m fine because I haven’t… You’re not fine now cause ya met th’ end of what you can handle alone. Please, jus’… Yer so fuckin’ strong, but ya need help now. I need help. L-Let’s help each other.”

Mark stared up at him, swallowing hard. He gripped onto the sheets tightly, exhaling shakily. Trying hard to just relax and answer, words not even sticking together in his mind.

“S-Say somethin’… Please…”

Mark glanced away, before laying down on the bed.

His answer came in a hushed whisper; “I’ll give you the world. I’ll give you every bit of strength that I can give just to lay in this bed with you tonight. Somehow you want to help me too?”

“Because I love you.”

Mark smiled up at him, arm raising for Jack to climb in between his arms.

“Well guess what, Jack.”

“What?” Jack asked, quickly climbing in and curling close to Mark.

“I love you too. Enough to believe that you can actually help me.”


	32. I’m Ready To Fall, So Tired Of It All…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... I relapsed...
> 
> Anyways, yeah, this'll end at 35, even though I only got through 34 before stuff happened, so...
> 
> After I'm able to finish it, I've been thinking about making a thing of one shots in this universe, Before, after, during the main story...
> 
> For the soul purpose of fleshing out backstories and writing the marriage scene I so want. Also, they fight in this chapter. Sorry...

A yawn escaped Felix as he tossed his things into luggage.

“I’m really sorry… I gotta be there for Marzia and our baby though.”

Jack shook his head, giving him a tight hug. “No need ta be sorry! I’m happy fer you.”

Felix laughed a bit, letting him go. “Now, you guys better come by at some point to see them. My baby’s going to have Uncle Jack and Uncle Mark in their life.”

Jack grinned, nodding quickly.

Mark gave him a hug goodbye too, sighing in relief when Felix hugged back.

“Alright… I love you guys.” Felix finally said, giving a slightly tired smile. “I’ve already started being a mother to you guys.”

“I think you’re going to be their father though…” Ken said, raising an eyebrow.

Felix shrugged a bit, giving a huff. “Well, yeah, sorta.”

“Huh?”

“Nothing.” His voice was pointed, quick, before Felix gave another sigh. “I gotta go, but Jack, Mark…”

They immediately snapped up, Jack nodding a bit.

“I really do want a call at least every other night.”

Mark promised, along with Jack. This time was going to be different.

Felix chuckled a bit, eyes sparkling a bit. “I’m really proud of you guys, anyways. I mean it when I say love you guys.”

Mark froze, eyes widening a bit, before he laughed, eyes crinkling almost shut. “I love you too, Felix.”

“Now, I’m gonna go before it starts getting weird. We’re not having a threesome, got it?”

Jack huffed, rolling his eyes. “Your jokes suck, Felix. Talk to ya as soon as ya land.”

It was awhile before Mark and Jack were back home. Ken had said that he had to get back to his own place soon too, meaning it would just be Bob, Wade, Mark, and Jack again.

Mark rubbed a hand over his scarred arm absent mindedly, exhaling slowly. Just to calm his thoughts, to reset himself.

Ace was dead. That was a whole problem gone, which meant really Jack could go home whenever he wanted. But instead, not only did he want to stay, he asked Mark of all people out. Mark tightened one of his hands into a fist, sighing. And here he was, broken after an attempt he made on his own life.

He was lucky fans had called the police. If not, he would have died.

If he’d have died, he’d never known Jack… was ready.

Never known Jack whole heartedly loved him.

Every time Mark kissed him, it felt like… damn, how did that thing in the song go? Oh, right…

“That moment when you kiss someone and everything around you becomes hazy. And the only thing in focus is you and this person… And you realize that that person is the only person that you’re supposed to kiss for the rest of your life.”

“What?”

Mark flinched, looking up from his arm to watch Jack, who was watching him, a little confused but…

Mark swallowed harshly, before, “This song, uh… I think it… It’s really us, you know? I even fucked up like the singer says in the song’s story… But I… I’m happy that our relationship is a bit better.”

Jack watched him, tilting his head the other way. “Mark, I really don’t think I understand all too well…” He mumbled, blue eyes glancing away.

The word idiot filled his mind, realizing it was probably simple but…

Mark stared for a moment, before walking close and holding onto him gently.

“Cause you’re the only one that makes my heart beat. You’re the only reason that I still breathe. Fall away, that feeling is so soothing. That look in your eye is so moving.”

Jack seemed to relax when Mark sang, before Mark’s lips were on his.

Jack understood the feeling as soon as they kissed.

The world around them seemed to bleed away as he reached up to hold onto Mark, feeling himself be pulled close.

It was a long while before they released, Jack still feeling Mark’s warm breath tickle his face as he breathed from his nose.

“… Mark… I’m sorry it took so fooking long… fer me ta… I love you, Mark.”

Mark opened his eyes, pulling back a small bit to stare into Jack’s eyes. He reached up to thread his fingers through green, before pulling him close and pressing his nose on Jack’s, rubbing them together to give him an Eskimo kiss.

“I love you, too… So much, Jack…”

He twisted a bit to plant a kiss on the bridge of his nose, between his eyes.

Jack’s eyes fluttered a bit as Mark gave him the gentle kiss, before looking up at Mark with a soft expression when he pulled back.

“… promise me somethin’, Mark.”

Mark tilted his head a bit, quirking an eyebrow up. “What?”

“Next time ya feel like hurtin’ yourself…” Jack spoke, reaching up to curl his fingers gently through Mark’s hair. “… you’ll tell me. I want ta help you. I love you.”

Mark swallowed harshly, tightening his hug around Jack’s waist a bit.

For a moment, he didn’t answer, just stayed as close to Jack as possible like this. Then he nodded. “I promise, Jack. Next time I feel like hurting myself, I’ll tell you.”

Then he looked away. Pain struck against his chest as he tried to find the words to ask…

“Jack, why are you still in America…? You could have left weeks ago… But…”

Jack looked slightly hurt, before he sighed bit, kissing Mark’s jaw again. “… I don’t want to be away from you. Fer multiple reasons. You make me feel safe, I want to keep you safe… and because I love you.”

Mark watched him for the longest time, before he spoke again. “You’re going to have to go back soon. You can’t stay in America for much longer without being a citizen.”

Jack stared up in his eyes, mind thinking about Ireland. He loved his country, and his house… It was beautiful… And nice and he…

He couldn’t force Mark to go with him… Not after all those memories, not after Jack realized that Mark completely loved being here.

All of Jack’s friends, except Felix, were in America too…

Logically, Jack realized he should try and get citizenship in America, stay with Mark and all his friends…

But his only way that he actually wanted to get citizenship by…

Honestly, he just wanted dual citizenship, along with Mark…

“… I love Ireland, Mark.”

Mark looked a little hurt, but he just nodded. “Yeah. And I love America.”

Jack scowled at Mark’s tone, detangling from the hug. He tightened one of his hands into a fist. “So because you love America, I should get citizenship here?”

“… yes.”

Jack blinked a bit in surprise, as Mark watched the floor.

His fist ached a bit, shaking a little. “I think I deserve to choose, don’t you? Hell, ‘a went through more than you ever did, I definitely deserve to choose! Jus’ move to Ireland with me, or we can’t see each other.”

Mark felt a familiar ache around his core. Jack… sounded like Martin.

Mark didn’t want to move to Ireland, just the same as he hadn’t wanted sex…

But Mark… didn’t want to go down this road again, no matter how much he loved Jack.

“No. I know you’ve gone through shit but that doesn’t mean my wants are less important. Fuck off, Jack!” He finally yelled, taking a shaky step back.

Mark wanted to run, as Jack took a step forward. Cornering him, he realized.

“You were never raped. You were never filmed while you were hurt. I would give anything to have your past instead of fucking mine.”

Mark realized his chest was quaking as he noticed Jack’s fist. Was Jack going to hit him…?

Jack got even closer, but before he could speak again, Mark whimpered. “P-Please don’t hur-rt me…”

Jack froze, glancing at the fist he had… aimed at Mark’s cheek.

He slowly dropped his hand, relaxing it as he realized what he was actually about to do.

“… I… I’m sorry, M-Mark…” He said, soft, taking a few steps back, before he rushed off.

Mark watched him, sliding to the floor. It was a moment before he found his voice, dry and cracked, “H-Hey, Jack… I wanna hurt myself again…”


	33. Oh, Please… Don’t Cry… You Liar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for cheating. Jack is a bit of an asshole :/
> 
> Also very angry Mark.

Mark could barely move correctly.

His legs ached from his recent trip down self harm lane, but he didn’t care, just toddling toward one of the couches and laying down on it.

Jack looked up when he saw Mark, narrowing his eyes at the way Mark moved, but didn’t speak. It was awhile before Bob and Wade came to sit with them.

Ken rushed into the room a few moments later. “Alright, I’m leaving.”

Jack glanced up, frowning a little. “Already…?”

“Sorry…” Ken answered, rubbing the back of his neck.

Mark didn’t move, mumbling a bye.

Jack glanced back at him worriedly, and honestly with a bit of anger.

When Ken left, Mark still sat on the couch, curled up in the corner and half asleep.

Jack felt the anger rise up in his throat, but he forced it down, trying hard to just calm down. If he didn’t, he knew he’d make a horrible mistake.

He knew the horrible mistake was starting as soon as he took his fifth shot of whiskey.

Jack’s belly was on fire, his brain swimming as he continued to pour shots for himself.

“I think alcohol is the last thing you need.”

Jack blinked up blearily at Wade, sighing shakily. “It’s fine…”

Wade frowned, sitting down across from Jack.

Jack poured a second shot, sliding it over to the American. “Here. It’d be pretty sad if I was sittin’ here drinking all alone.”

Wade stared at the shot a moment, rolling his eyes. It was a moment before he scowled and downed it.

After he shook his head a bit to keep himself ok, he spoke, “So what happened?”

Jack poured Wade another shot, downing his own. “Got in a fight whit Mark.”

Wade frowned, taking another shot. “About what?”

“… Citizenship in America.” Jack mumbled, rubbing his forehead.

He remembered the white shirt Mark had been wearing when they were fighting. The way his eyes were sparkling right before, how he was pulled so fucking close and the shirt was open…

And Mark’s chest peaked out from the unbuttoned white, and how his breath tickled his face and how Jack just wanted to tear that white shirt off…

Jack’s pants were tight.

“Wade…”

The other looked up, watching as Jack stood, face slightly pink, and an emotion stuck in his eyes that made Wade feel a bit off.

He downed another shot, before suddenly Jack was close.

“Fuck, Wade… Fuck me, Wade…”

Wade swallowed, feeling his brain start slowly shutting off.

“N-No, wait, what ab-bout Mark -!”

Jack leaned forward, kissing Wade to shut him up. Jack disliked the way he couldn’t curl his fingers through soft hair. He wanted this to be Mark, but he was horny and tight and wound up. It only got worse when Wade’s hands grasped onto his hips, tightly…

Jack knew for a fact Mark wouldn’t do this with him, not now. But he needed it.

* * *

 

Jack’s eyes fluttered open, sick gripping his stomach.

He forced the puke down as he stood from the couch, staggering to the bathroom and landing on his knees at the toilet.

Jack leaned forward, hands wrapping around the porcelain as the inside of his stomach spilled out into the toilet.

“Jack?”

He was barely able to look up, blinking bleary eyes up at Mark.

Jack rubbed his aching head, cursing. “Y-Yeah?”

Mark went forward, wrapping his arms around Jack and brushing his green hair out of his eyes. He placed a kind hand on Jack’s stomach, gentle.

“I’m sorry, Jack… I was being selfish… I-I thought you were… going to…”

Jack scowled, pushing Mark away.

It was a moment before Mark understood what had happened, wide eyes going even wider as he barely kept himself up with one of his hands.

“… I… I… J-Jack…?”

“You don’t trust me at all… I’d never hit you, I’d never hur-…” Jack’s voice died away, memories from last night barely peaking out to the surface.

Jack exhaled quickly, shaking his head minimally.

“Mark… I f-fucking… Mark, I accidentally… I’m s-sorry…”

Mark looked confused, forcing himself to sit up. He breathed oddly, panic gripping his heart. Mark didn’t want to hear it.

He realized it quickly, rubbing away at panicked tears that edged at his eyes. “… J-Jack, what did you…?”

“… I… M-Mark, I cheated on y-you.”

Mark’s reaction caused Jack to blink in surprise.

Mark was laughing, tears slowly making tracks down his cheeks. But he continued to laugh, shaking his head. “Of course. Look, I don’t want to know who, or where, or a-anything… Ok? I… I just want to know why…”

Jack swallowed painfully, throat dry as he tried to answer. “… I… I w-was drunk… A-And horny… And I d-didn’t want to…”

“Didn’t want to what?” Mark asked, causing Jack to flinch.

Mark’s voice was much darker than he had ever heard… and even worse, not only was he done laughing, anger was directed toward him.

Jack deserved it. He deserved the anger directed toward him. Hell, he deserved more… He deserved Ace’s punishments again.

In fact, now was definitely something he deserved to be hurt over.

“I… You… We were just f-fighting… A-And I saw how you w-were walking… I-I didn’t think you’d…”

“That’s a weak reason.” Mark grumbled, standing slowly. He winced, legs shaking as they tried desperately to keep his weight up.

He looked out the bathroom door, bypassing Jack to walk out it.

“I’m sorry!” Jack cried, biting his lip hard. His hands barely kept him up as he flung himself toward the door, ignoring the now horrible, throbbing pain stabbing into his brain.

Mark stopped at the doorway, resting his head on the opening.

A sigh escaped him, arms going up to cross over his chest. “You want to know why I’m leaving right now, Jack?”

Jack reached up to wipe away the regretful tears trailing down his cheeks. He didn’t answer, just looked up at Mark.

Mark twisted to watch him back, emotionless as he stared. “Because I want to say sorry.”

Jack tilted his head a bit, nails digging into his palms. “W-What…?”

“You hurt me. You cheated on me. And I want to say sorry for it. I want to say sorry for not being there to fuck you when you were horny. I want to say sorry for hurting myself and ruining your night. I want to say sorry for being such a fuck up you couldn’t even be faithful. But you know what? None of that is right.”

Jack gulped, shakily bringing himself to his feet. He hated this. He hated the way Mark’s voice was dark, and even, and angry. Jack hated that he himself had hurt Mark to the breaking point.

“I’ve sacrificed everything for everyone. For you. I trusted you, I said that I loved you. Well you know fucking what? I hate you.”

Jack’s heart completely shattered in his chest at those words, frozen as suddenly his whole body seemed to go numb, tears streaming down his cheeks without a stop, fatly dripping to the floor.

The love of his life hated him. For a stupid, worthless mistake he made while he was drunk.

Jack inhaled sharply, pain bursting through his stomach and chest, cracking through his core and shattering it too.

“Oh please, don’t cry, Jack. You’re a fucking liar.”

Jack watched as Mark turned again and left the bathroom, headed toward his room. The slam of the door caused a wild flinch to jolt through Jack’s spine.

Jack wrapped his arms around himself loosely, falling back to his knees as sobs continued to quake his chest.

Fuck… he just wanted to be happy with Mark… why was he such a fuck up…?


	34. I’m Only a Fool for You…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second to last chapter. Again, after the story, I think I'll make a bunch of one shots. Following any and all of them, during time skips, before this story, after this story... etc.

Mark barely listened as Felix went on and on about little things, saying that the baby was due in the next week.

Suddenly, Felix fell silent, causing Mark to glance up at the screen.

Felix was staring at him, worry on his expression.

For a moment, Mark entertained the thought of just ending the Skype call, but instead, he straightened. “Felix?”

“… Mark, what happened?”

Mark looked away again, wrapping his arms around himself. His face still held no emotion, but his body language carried all of it for him.

“… Jack cheated on me. We got into a fight, he… was going to hit me… but he didn’t, a-and this morning he said… That after the fight, he fucked someone else…”

Mark rubbed away the wetness that had started in his eyes, shaking his head quickly.

“Fucking Christ…” Felix growled, watching his desk with a scowl set on his face.

“You know what’s worse?”

Felix glanced up, watching him.

“I said I hated him. I wanted to say I was sorry… I… a-and I love him. I still love him.”

Felix looked away, teeth gritting tightly. It was awhile before he spoke again. “Do you think he’ll cheat on you again?”

Mark stayed silent, swallowing harshly. “… In all honesty, I don’t know. And I don’t really care… I’m not enough. That’s just it. I’m not enough. He’s too good for me, I’m lucky he even started a relationship with me…”

Felix was shaking lightly, hand curled into a fist. “No. You’re enough, ok? Look, both of you are high strung, kind of screwed up right now. That’s just it. You guys are at your breaking points. Jack is fucking up, just the same as you did. I know I’m being harsh, I’m sorry, but it’s true. Jack cheated on you, you took advantage of Jack. Jack nearly hit you and probably scared the shit out of you, and you left bruises on his hips. Both of you are kind of messed up right now, and you guys haven’t had much of a break. So I think you guys should have a break.”

Mark grazed his fingertips over the scars on his arm, sighing lightly.

“… Maybe you’re right, but…”

Felix frowned, already knowing the problem with the plan. “… do you think Jack could stay with one of your friends? Bob or Wade? Maybe Matthias or even those other friends of yours, Ryan and Matt?”

Mark nodded slowly, before exhaling quickly in a short huff. “He tried to get me to leave America and move to Ireland with him. I doubt he wants to stay here any longer.”

Felix frowned at Mark’s tone, hesitating a bit. “… what happened?”

Mark shut his eyes, head pounding lightly. “… he said he’s been through more than I have, so he deserves to choose if we both go to America or Ireland. He told me to move to Ireland with him or we can’t see each other.”

Felix grimaced, grasping at his shirt. “… Fucking Christ, Jack… You know what it’s like to get hurt, so why are you…?” He mumbled, voice tight.

Mark shut his eyes, before falling back on his bed and exhaling for relief. “I agree with you, though… I think I need a break. We’ve been through a lot, and honestly… I love him so much… But after he cheated, and after I… tried to kill m-myself… I just need a break…”

Felix nodded, before standing. The camera only got the image of Felix’s stomach now. “Alright, so we’ll set up a break for you two. Would you get Jack to come here and talk to me?”

Mark sat up, sighed a yes, and started out the room to find Jack.

He leaned into the living room to see Jack, watching a TV show emotionlessly on a low volume level.

“Felix wants to talk to you.” Mark spoke, crossing his arms a bit.

Jack looked up, giving a nod. “Alright.”

He stood, taking slightly shaky steps toward Mark’s room and brushing past him.

Mark walked over to the couch and fell onto it as soon as Jack left, groaning loudly.

He grabbed the remote and started changing the channel.

“Look, gay parents are just not the right thing for children. It’s building their whole life on sin.”

Mark grunted in disgust, flipping through to another channel again.

“My son… was in the gay bar when the sh-shooting occurred… I can’t believe someone would be so…”

Mark finally just turned off the TV, setting his head down on his arms and crossing them for a cushion. He fell asleep on the couch, silent tears slipping down his cheeks as he slept.

Jack clicked off the call as soon as Felix said goodbye.

He stood shakily, cursing a bit. He started toward the living room again, turning his head a bit at the sight of Mark, asleep on the couch.

Jack walked towards his boyfriend, sitting on his knees beside the couch. It was a moment before he did anything, finally reaching up to brush his fingers lightly through Mark’s hair.

It was a great idea, he knew. A few months of a break…

What was that saying? The longer you’re away, the more you want someone? A break solidifies a relationship? Whatever it was, Jack knew it was a good idea…

He just didn’t like it. He wanted to stay and say sorry.

Jack didn’t want to leave. He knew he had to, knew it was what they needed… but he didn’t want too…

“I love you Mark… Forever and a day…”

Jack chuckled a bit at the memory of the song he hadn’t heard in years. Hadn’t it come out when he was 19?

“My love is as true as the oceans are blue and I’ve always felt this way… Just listen to the beating that keeps repeating, my heart wants to say… Like Ghala and Dahli, it’s you and me forever and a day… Forever and a day… Always…”

Jack swallowed, throat aching from the singing.

Jack felt like a complete fuck up. In all honesty, he was.

He’d not only nearly hit Mark when they had one of their first arguments, but he also cheated.

To think Jack had wanted to marry Mark… he was the only person Jack had ever felt true love toward, like this, but that didn’t mean anything…

Jack needed to spend more time with him in person for marriage, but Jack definitely loved dating him.

He hated himself for fucking up this badly. He completely hated himself. Jack sighed, reaching forward to kiss Mark’s head.

“Alright, Mark. Just a few months. We’ll be much better later, I promise. January 1st, I’ll come back an’ we’ll be together… That’s my New Year’s Resolution, alright? My New Year’s Resolution is ta be the best boyfriend to you, ever.”


	35. Short Steps, Deep Breaths...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oww.
> 
> I finished writing the story.
> 
> Fucking christ...
> 
> Anyways...
> 
> Warnings are reference to cheating and a sort of fade to black at the end.

Jack pressed his forehead against the cool glass of the plane, fixing his jacket a bit. He felt nervousness swell in his stomach, eyes shutting. He was really nervous about seeing Mark again…

Poor Wade had been caught in the middle with barely any knowledge of what was going on … Somehow, Jack felt even worse knowing that after Wade and his girlfriend’s break, they were not only back together but getting married.

Jack gripped his arm, tightly.

“Passengers, we are now descending.”

Jack glanced up, biting the inside of his lip. This was it.

If they didn’t fix this now, then Jack would never be with the love of his life.

That thought hurt.

Jack swallowed harshly, eyes shutting tightly. It had been over a year now since Mark had saved him from Ace.

2017 was going to be his year.

Jack inhaled sharply, exhaling lowly after.

He just had to make it through one more night, and then tomorrow it’d be the next year. And Jack would be the best boyfriend, would be happy…

 **Mark** would be happy…

Jack stood with his bags in his hands, looking up when he heard Mark, clearing his throat.

Jack glanced up, swallowing when he saw Mark, staring at him with his deep brown eyes.

Jack felt his heart skip a beat, caught between the pain of knowing he’d hurt Mark and the fact that he hadn’t seen his love in person for a long time.

Mark grabbed onto Jack’s suitcases stoically, not saying a word.

Jack swallowed, throat feeling as dry as sandpaper. “… M-Mark?”

“When we get to my house.”

Jack flinched at the coldness in Mark’s voice, cerulean casting to the floor.

He didn’t notice as Mark’s expression softened, him giving a small sigh.

An apology brushed past Mark’s lips, before Mark was leading Jack toward the exit of the airport and toward his car.

Jack wrapped his arms around himself as he tried to remember what exactly he was going to say to Mark…

It wouldn’t matter if Mark didn’t listen…

Jack settled into the passenger seat as Mark finished putting his suitcases away and started the car.

It took a moment before Jack found his voice, but as soon as he tried to speak, Mark turned on music.

Jack knew what that meant.

Mark didn’t usually listen to music in the car. It was only if his passenger put on music, or, like now, he didn’t want to talk.

Jack listened to Hayley Westenra, her voice somewhat soothing his rapidly beating heart. Which oddly enough, went with the song.

‘Carry me away from this dark and lonely room. Light me in your arms, all I want to know is you! Chase away the darkness with everything you are. I will find my strength in the beat of your heart.’

Jack exhaled lowly, listening to the song silently.

He noticed the way Mark seemed to relax in the presence of Jack with only the music breaking the silence.

Jack watched him, noting all of Mark’s features.

He noticed the way his re-dyed red hair frizzed close to the ends, the way his chocolate eyes stared hard at the street, flicking toward him every now and then.

“I got you a present. I couldn’t give it to you on Christmas, but a few days off…” Jack tried, before Mark’s quiet voice cut him off.

“Yeah, I got you one too.”

Jack fell silent again, looking away. He knew he’d fucked up, but…

He wasn’t perfect…

Mark, however, even with the fact that he’d left bruises on Jack’s hips, seemed to be better than Jack could ever be.

Neither of them had been in the right, but Jack felt like he’d fucked up worse.

Jack had nearly fucked up Wade’s life too.

And after Mark had already…

Jack had just gone too far.

Jack lost his voice again, staring down at his hands resting in his lap.

He wanted to speak, wanted to say anything and everything to Mark, wanted to let out everything that was boiling and twisting in his chest painfully, but he held it back.

“I went into therapy.” Jack finally spoke when Mark pulled up to his house.

Mark glanced up, eyes going soft. He spoke a genuine, “That’s really good for you.”

Jack didn’t mention that he told them he was moving to LA.

It made it sound like he was banking on Mark’s forgiveness.

Except that was exactly what he was doing.

Jack hadn’t had it yet, but he still definitely didn’t want to go back to Ireland, in a nice big… empty house that just filled him with loneliness.

Jack liked America.

He really, really wished he could fix this…

Mark helped bring his bags into the house that had held the second half of their adventure into pain.

Jack looked around, frowning as he remembered sleepless nights of him pounding against Mark while asleep, of blood splattered across the entirety of the bathroom, of shattered glass and alcohol and fucking someone that definitely wasn’t Mark.

This place held bad memories, just the same as Jack’s old cabin and Jack’s own house.

“We’ll have to see everyone tomorrow, everyone’s flights got delayed because of a storm.” Mark mumbled, as he slipped the phone he’d just been typing on back into his pocket.

Jack swallowed nervously, wrapping an arm around himself.

“It’s really nice to see you, Mark.”

“Jack, what do you want from me?”

The question caused Jack’s breathing to stutter. For a long moment, Jack just stared.

And then he spoke.

“E-Excuse me?”

“Jack, you know what I fucking mean…”

Mark curled his hands into loose fists, giving an almost vicious bite to his lip.

“I don’t know, Mark. I just wanted to talk-!”

“I have nothing to talk about.”

Jack watched Mark for a moment as he started to leave, before suddenly the entirety of what he was supposed to say to Mark exploded in his chest, and he spoke.

“Mark, I’m an asshole.”

Mark didn’t respond, but he stopped moving, back toward Jack.

Jack licked his lips, glancing away. He hesitated a moment, before continuing.

“I have trust issues, nightmares nearly every night, and I’m a fuck up. I made a huge mistake and hurt the best person in the world. I’m childish, borderline, and I’ve gone through trauma that’s screwed me up horribly. But even with all that bad truth about me, there’s another thing that ‘a think you should know.”

Mark finally turned, staring at Jack with wet, dark brown eyes.

Jack watched him, before taking a few steps close and holding onto his hands, tightly.

Mark glanced down at their hands, swallowing harshly. Part of him thought this was selfish. Jack had gone through so much, he didn’t deserve to be sitting here… taking care of Mark, apologizing…

The other part of him knew Mark deserved to be apologized to.

Jack might have gone through a lot but he fucked up. Mark had to, but this had been different.

Mark felt Jack give his hands a squeeze, before their eyes clashed again.

“I love ya, with all my heart.”

Mark felt a smile take over his lips, before Jack went forward and kissed him.

Mark melted, pressing his forehead against Jack’s and pulling him close.

“… Jack, I love you too. But you have to promise me you won’t cheat on me ever again. I won’t accept that you love me again, understand?”

Jack nodded, knowing with all his everything that he would never hurt Mark like that, or at all, ever again.

Mark reached down to kiss him again, pressing their bodies close together.

Jack knew that this would last forever.

He could feel it, after all that time of pain and barely hanging on, he could feel that their relationship was over the roughest patch it would ever get.

Mark didn’t pull away when Jack toyed with his jean button, and Jack didn’t care when Mark’s hands found their way up Jack’s shirt.

“Are you sure?” Jack whispered.

“Definitely. You?” Mark answered, just as quiet.

Jack just nodded, unbuttoning Mark’s jeans as Mark started slipping off Jack’s shirt.

Jack felt Mark move them to the bedroom but he wasn’t paying attention, just feeling the heat radiate off of Mark and feel their now bare chests flush against each other, clothes starting to get strewn through the whole walkways toward the bedroom.

Jack moaned as he was pulled close and pleasure rocketed through him, barely noticing lube getting grabbed from one of the drawers.

Jack’s skin prickled as cool air brushed against his skin, before it was replaced by Mark’s warmth.

He felt slick fingers enter him, his moan getting captured by Mark’s mouth.

Jack knew then and there that Mark was the only one for him.

“I love ya, you big g-goof…”

“I l-love you too, you sexy Irish bast-tard…”

The sounds of the bell tolling and telling them that 2016 was over and that 2017 had round the bend filtered into their ears.

This was going to be their year.

_Fin._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why I decided they should make up with sex. It's not really the right thing to do, but hey, it's what I've wanted since the beginning.
> 
> EDIT: I'm actually changing where I post any new stories to MattySeptiplierTale.
> 
> I've started on a new work that I'm putting as much effort into as this one called Beautiful on there, about Mark.
> 
> I'll update stuff still on this pseud, but if you'd like more content on a similar-ish vein, then please check out that one!
> 
> I might never get to the one shots I had planned.
> 
> The story, while I miss it, has ended.
> 
> And that's actually amazing.
> 
> I've made a bunch of one shots and shorter fics that I cranked out in a week or two, but never a story to this extent.
> 
> After nearly two years and one rewrite, I finished something that actually meant something to me and to other people.
> 
> And I'm actually proud of myself.
> 
> So I think we should turn away from this universe and let it rest. It's story's been told.
> 
> Lol unless people wanna make one shots and let me read them from this universe cause my god that would be the fucking best.
> 
> Anyways, thank you for reading.
> 
> I love you guys <3


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